What do you think it means if your therapist says he's not

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I know that when I am in a quiet environment I function a lot better. That is why I spend so much time at the park and on the ski slopes and bike trails. I don't know that for me it's a question of happiness, I think it's more so a question of how my body responds. It's like being beaten. If I was being beaten every day and every night I don't know that the things that make me happy would be more or less, I think they would be the same. But I know that I would have a better capacity to function. I also know that I would have fewer meltdowns. Even on the way to the park I stopped at Sam's Club and there was someone boom booming in the parking lot. My body reacted as it does and I had to get out of there as quickly as possible. Then I went into the Sam's Club and I had to route my way so that I did not walk next to customer service because they always have a stereo there playing boom boom. It's everywhere. I go camping at the lake and people come with their cars and do it. It's not possible to get away from it. I have found that all I can do is to do the best I can to just stay away from it and to survive. Even if I moved I don't know even know where I could move to that people would not be doing it unless I had money to buy actual land. Even every grocery store and every non grocery store and restaurant has it now. There is no getting away. You just have to survive. And if people are uncomfortable with my coping mechanisms, I can't afford to care. Ir people don't like me talking to trees and pretend playing with taxidermy because they think I am too old for that I can't care. But I can't live like a victim. I have to do the things that make me happy no matter what other people insist on doing around me. But I will have meltdowns and I will have suicidal thoughts and I will rant about this issue every now and them. I feel like that that is my right just like they feel it's their right to do what they want.

And I may be misunderstanding you or not hearing what you are trying to express. I am sorry if that is the case. I don't want to tread on what you are trying to express. Please forgive me if I did. And if I am not understanding or hearing you please help me understand you.

Thank you Andro. Wow, where you live sounds really challenging. I would not be able to do that. I have a huge problem with conflicting sounds as well. It's like my brain goes into freak out mode because it can't make sense of any of it. It is very exhausting.

Yeah. Hubby and I dream of one day having a wonderful property that suits out needs. That would be amazing and we are always keeping our eyes open for an opportunity. Right now it's impossible though and we are just happy and blessed to have a roof. But in time, when the time is right, I know we will be blessed again. It's hard to keep being on the run though. We moved here because at the time it was quiet. And in the past few years these loud people have moved in. We left our last place for the same reason. When we first moved there it was wonderful and then in a a few years it became super ghetto. It's hard to always be on the run because ghetto follows where ever you go and unless you have real money and can afford exactly what you want you won't get it. But for now I am just super grateful to have the parks and ski slopes nearby. They enable me to survive. And it could be a lot worse. There are much worse neighborhoods than mine. But I do hope that one day we will be able to have land that is quiet, peaceful and beautiful.

I am sorry that you live in such a hectic place. I will pray that one day you and all of us end up in the perfect places. Hopefully these people across the street will move on. That would be nice.

Andro that is so sad. I am sorry about your dog. I miss my cats too. Perhaps one day you will have another?

Yeah, I definitely don't want to become a target for them. That would be really bad. I hope one day to have a nice property with trails to hike and bike and water to kayak in and ski slopes near by. That would be amazing. But hopefully when the time is right even if the situation is not my perfect dream situation, maybe we will be able to find a nice quiet place with good people. And it's such a shame because our neighborhood has beautiful people, some of the nicest sweetest people you could ever know. It's just like two houses that are a problem and the tons of people that end up coming there especially to the one house. And of course the people just driving by can be a total nightmare like the person driving by right now. But other than those very few people everyone else is absolutely wonderful and are very good and nice neighbors and make the street really nice. I wish people who wanted to be ghetto would just stay in the ghetto and let the rest of us live in peace.

Thank you both.
One day I will.

I am the type of person who needs guidance as I get lost if I have to figure something out all on my own but I still understand what you mean about people thinking you need to be "fixed".
I have constantly been told I need to lie to get into a job but they just don't understand that I am bad at it. Even my job coach said I should think about lying with a few statements. After a while I think she got it but then later when we practiced for my interview she was giving me a statement to use that sounded like lying to me. I then tried to explain to her again "you know I can't lie" but she was saying this is not lying. I was able to figure out a way to modify her statement into what was the truth for me so that was lucky but it took some time for me to figure out how I could say it and there may come a time where I can't modify her statements into the truth. People don't understand that if any part of it feels untrue to me it is then a lie.
It's just like how the most common advice for falling asleep is to clear your mind. God knows how many times I have tried to clear my mind..it just can't be done.
These are just a few instances of course but it certainly seems that people are trying to turn me into a simplistic thinker. I don't want to "fix" my way of thinking. Being a hyperactive thinker is just part of who I am and it can be valuable. I just want to be able to figure out how to make it easier for OTHER people to understand my thinking.


As far as the loud music, I can see how the police would not take it seriously. In and of itself loud music is not really a problem because for most people it doesn't really cause a problem. Personally it doesn't bother me probly because I love music so much that I can tolerate the music that is not my type. I can see why it could be unpleasant at a certain point though as I am someone who has great hearing so other loud noises do bother me but I kinda just deal with them but that may be easier for me cuz all it really does is hurt my ears...the things that do give me that extreme reaction you are referring to is all inside of me. I have a low tolerance for pain/discomfort not only that I don't believe in medication in general anyway so as a result I have had to just deal with my gastritis on my own since doctors just mostly want to write you a script and medicine tends to have side effects. But on the other hand you have to deal with the pain of the illness without them so either way I just can't win. Idk if I went too much on a tangent but anyway the police really don't care at all so I'm not shocked that a generally trivial thing such as loud music would not be taken into consideration. I don't trust them anymore myself. They didn't care about me getting scammed out of almost 300 dollars even though I took SO LONG and I mean long to earn that money. I had exhausted other organizations so had to turn to them. The lady was so rude. I realize at one point I put my foot in my mouth to ask why they can't just hack their account (because I know in law they do hack when it comes to criminals) as I know if they did that they could lose their job but it was still mind boggling that she was just like have a good day bye without even trying to listen to me. I could tell from the way she was talking to me she was one of those types that just expected me to move on about it. Maybe she thought I couldn't be reasoned with idk but she didn't even really try. I guess maybe it bothers me more because atm I don't have a job but still when going to these organizations it's like they sweep it under the rug. I see all these reports about these timeshare scams which are a big operation and it is appalling how no one seems to be doing anything about it.
I also remember when I lived at another apt complex. Someone drove into our window knocking the AC out. We tried to tell the police there was someone else in the car and that the driver was drugged up enough that it affected their impairment. They were basically just like "ok thanks anyway we've already got what we needed" The only police officer that took our case passed away in a high speed chase. Of course I don't care about it now it's no big deal since I moved out of that crappy place but it's just an example of how the police are to me. Not to mention this was before the world got more messed up with the thing with Paris and such. Wow this got way off the tangent and was probly too negative..hopefully there was a point in there somewhere. I guess what I'm saying is even though it's an entirely different situation I feel your pain on how you are not taken seriously by even the law enforcement sometimes.

Thank you Nickchick. I totally appreciate everything you are saying. I am sorry about you getting scammed. That really sucks. And how they treated you was completely unacceptable. No worries about going off on tangents, it's all good. Thank you for sharing you story and relating to mine. When we have tough times it's so nice to come here an have people relate and support.

This is key. I totally agree with this 100%. I think it is so important for people to understand this concept.

Skibum have you thought about taking those people to small claims court? I was doing some reading about it and it said that sometimes getting a money judgment against them in small claims is more effective than getting a cease and desist court order from a civil court. You would have to provide documentation of how it is disrupting your life. If you have any other neighbors willing to go to court against them, even better.

The downside is it could really provoke them to retaliate against you. On the other hand, if you take them to court and expose them to the right judge, it could make them decide not to mess with you anymore.

I was advised that I could have a harassment order taken out on them and whenever I call 911 about them they ask if I am willing to testify in court. So I have thought about it. Once you do that it sets up some pretty ugly lines though so I might just keep that in my pocket in case it comes to it. I do thank you for the suggestion.

Wow...that would never happen around here.

Ever....

So you just talked to the triage nurse and was never admitted formally to the ER?

That was nice they let you hide out for a while. None of the hospitals around me would do that. Nothing they can do for a melt down, so you don't need to be there. Besides the waiting rooms are about as quiet as Mc Donald's during lunch rush.

Yeah, I refused to be admitted. I wasn't going to be stuck with that bill for nothing. I was not in meltdown. I was actually more like in shutdown and at first when they tried to talk to me I could not talk so the security guard made me leave the building because I was verbally unresponsive. Once I got more settled I was able to go back in and talk. But I never melted down. I was extremely quiet and soft and gentle the whole time and even signaled for the triage nurse to talk to me very softly which she did. It I had actually been roaming the streets for a couple of hours and it as getting really cold so I just wanted to be inside somewhere.

There were only a couple of very quiet people in the waiting room. No ruckus. There were two tvs on with different stations so that was a little difficult but at least the sounds from the tvs were not too overwhelming. Eventually when they let me sit in a corner of the waiting room so that I would not freeze I was able to close my eyes and get a little rest. It was very uncomfortable but at least I was safe. I knew that if I had stayed home with the party going on I would not have been safe. I doubt I would have intentionally hurt myself even with the thoughts, I have those thoughts all the time and know how not to succumb to them, but I might have had a head bang meltdown and one time I had a headbang meltdown and I accidentally hit my head on the concrete fire wall between my house and my attached neighbor's. Usually if I feel a headbang coming on I am careful to move away from walls now and just use the palms of my hands in a technique that I taught myself so that I don't get hurt. But I did not feel dealing with a potential meltdown and since I did not know how long the party was going to last I figured I needed to just leave and find a place to go like the police always like to tell me to do. First I went to the police station but they wouldn't let me in. Then I went to the prison but that did not work out. Then I went to a hotel but I could not stay in their lobby so I finally went to the hospital. They were not allowed to let me in without being admitted but once they realized I was not a homeless person or a vagabond or a terrorist but a person who would just rather be home in bed in her own home and was just trying to keep herself from strife because of loud inconsiderate neighbors, they figured it was best to let me be inside for a couple of hours rather than having to deal with someone who was frozen. I totally understand their position and their dilemma and I am extremely grateful to them for letting me in.

Hey skibum, I totally feel your pain about loud neighbors. I've dealt with that for the past 10 years. It is really inconsiderate of people to be so loud so late at night that it literally drives you out of the house. It clearly was pushing you over the edge and I'm glad you found a safe place to go. When people are drinking you never know what's going to happen or whether it's going to get worse. That creates an atmosphere or fear and panic and that sort of apprehension is not easily tuned out, inside. I think you made the right decision to find another place to go. For me, that place is usually my car, when I can't stand wherever I'm going or wherever I'm leaving.
Yesterday on my way to a museum somebody cat called me on the street. I responded sympathetically to him and it upset him so he called me ugly, etc. I had to find somewhere to sit quietly in the museum for ten minutes to remind myself that I did nothing to deserve being treated like that. I had to literally wait until I forgave myself for being hurt by the incident. While I did nothing wrong, it's upsetting to have to deal with jerks like that on an ongoing basis. It's not something I can ignore, tune out or get over quickly.

Yeah, it's so frustrating when people treat you badly. I am sorry that happened to you. People have no consideration for others. I wish people could just be considerate.

So I got with my psychologist today. It was amazing. He is such a great and humble guy. So we will keep working together like I had wanted to. So that's great. He now understands that the kind of therapy that works best for me is for him to just help me understand how NT's think and feel and that he learns how I think and feel and that it's from understanding each other that strategies and coping mechanisms get refined and it's by understanding each other that we learn to communicate and we can do well. He also now understands that the child side is normal and something that he wants to learn more about rather than be concerned about. So I was really happy with our meeting. I am glad that I have a great, humble psyche who is willing to learn and help me as I need to be helped rather than one who is just stuck on pushing his own agenda.

I'm so glad it's working out! Especially as you liked him and when I like and trust someone and they are rigid and unkind I get scared and confused about my judgment for people.....seems like your trust in him was not misplaced and it is great to hear he is hearing and trying to understand!!