Would you like to have a terminal illness?

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Yeah, I thought that might have been misunderstood, but that's the downside of talking to people on the internet. Since they can't hear the tone of your voice, see your facial expressions, you can't explain yourself right away etc. sometimes it's difficult to get people to understand what you're trying to say. So, I wouldn't say the poster wasn't paying attention, more just didn't understand what you were saying.

And don't you eva feel the shame amounted from the absurdity and ignorance of such thoughts? Nevermind the need to broadcast it for the world to hear....

and Omar apologizes for raisin' this shameful corpse of a topic from the netherworld of dead threads that it rightfully belongs in. but some things gotta be off the chest before they start you suffocatin'

no wai

I sometimes wish I was born without limbs instead of having AS.

People I've worked with don't (want to) know what it is like for me to be in different situations. They see me as a "normal" person, an therefore as a dumb person. While my co-worker with a handicap and a wheelchair got everyone walking on their toes to fit his style of working and needs.

She probably does man. It doesn't make the fact change-she feels that way. F-ck, why do people have a thing against someone "unnatural" in the way they think or feel-even aspies do this to other aspies. Of course it's not freaking normal, and shameful, but it's natural in the progression of things, stuff that goes on-and she's thought like this for a freaking reason. It's like farting-you can't stop it, and there's a reason behind it. Absurdity and ignorance? You my friend take the cake. You know nothing about her, and why she thinks the way she thinks.

When I was young, I fantasized about my death, about my own torture, about many things. NOT f-cking normal (maybe it is, but there was no real "cause" for this, just sh1t would form in my head), and I know something was wrong-but why wouldn't I tell anyone these things? Cos I wasn't screwed up on the outside, and dipsticks like you are quick to pin the problem down.

That actually happened to me in a really weird way at a conference once that I was presenting at.

I was in a wheelchair, so I was given a room near the elevator, even though someone else was pushing me and it was not that hard for either of us to get around.

Another presenter had a very painful and badly-healed broken ankle with a botched surgery on it as well, and found it really hard to walk anywhere, although she could walk on it. They gave her a room all the way down the hall.

Although I almost never willingly allow people to use my wheelchair, I voluntarily loaned her my wheelchair for five-minute periods when I knew I wouldn't be using it, because I couldn't stand to see her limping around in that much pain.

I bet if she'd come on crutches they'd have actually done something, too.

Most of the time though, the attempts at help people give to me as a person in a wheelchair, end up being really messed up. The classic example is people standing in a doorway holding the door open, so that I can't move through the door because they're in the doorway. But there are lots of others. I'd say a huge portion of the help I'm offered is actually actively obstructive rather than helpful, and a lot of the rest is just non-helpful and a waste of my time. And if I refuse (even if it's for good reason, like that accepting the "help" would injure me, and even if it's done politely rather than grumpily) some people turn nasty, even belligerent.

I like that I can get around outside my house through the use of a wheelchair (I was nearly housebound by the time I accepted one) and sometimes crutches (for pretty short distances in situations where the chair isn't feasible), but I really miss not having a zillion offers of non-constructive "help" all the time.

The only random-stranger offer of help I have not minded in recent times, was a year and a half ago when I was crossing a snowy/icy street the day after a blizzard (on crutches with pointed tips mounted on it for use on ice, almost like metal cleats), with a sack of groceries, and the sack split open in the middle of the road. I was very grateful when someone came along to pick up the groceries. (But then I still had to go all the way back to my building while trying to hold milk and orange juice containers with my bare hands in subfreezing weather. I'm normally okay in the cold but that was a bit much, and I ended up collapsing downstairs and waiting awhile before I could get my body over to the elevator to get home.)

The fact that I can remember such an event a year and a half later speaks to how constructive most offers of help I get from strangers are(n't). It's not that I mind people helping, it's just I think they should (a) make sure that they're really helping before they jump in and help, and (b) should think the physics of the situation out to make sure their idea of help is even [i]plausible[/i ] before offering it. And if I'm on my crutches it's also really awkward because I can't communicate much that other people can understand while using both of my hands to walk with (sometimes true in a chair too, but much less often true).

I think (with "invisible" vs. "visible" disability, which often just translates into "familiar" vs. "unfamiliar" disability in reality, since I don't find autism/other neurological atypicality necessarily all that invisible even in people who are passing, because I'm familiar with it) it's a situation where the grass is always greener on the other side, and it's not actually better one way or the other, just different kinds of suckiness and different benefits to each. (Here I'm talking about mostly non-terminal conditions.)

Well now, what do I hear but da gallop'n hooves of Claire's knight-n-shin'n-armor -But who beckoned? It seems either our would be savior don't think our damsel Claire can properly speak for herself ... or -wait- what we got here... Omar be see'n streaks of red seeping through the plates of my man. It seems Omar's words rung far wider than he could have anticipated, and have pierced - as collateral - the gleaming skin of our righteous paladin, who now be tak'n it upon his broad shoulders to got Omar.

Now that we got that matter settled...

Now one thing should be cleared up right now...Omar ain't try'n to stifle anybody's personal expression (not that he could even if he tried) Maybe Omar's original language was a bit agressive to that effect, however,If you gonna vent, then vent- but...

Honestly, what you expect the reaction to be when you* (*not address'n you specifically, cuz you didn't say nothin' to the extent till now) air out that - as you put it - shameful flatulence.
The "public decency" to act all sympathetic whilst they secretly shake their heads in wonderment?
Maybe Omar could put you* on his lap and calmly explain the error of your ways, but others in this thread have done that more than adequately. Maybe you expect Omar to dive right into a collective circle jerk, but Omar can't swim in that sticky malaise. Or maybe, ...possibly, you should expect someone to put to words what would be the common, unuttered thought. At least Omar's got the courtesy to.

Maybe it was a natural thing to be flashing in your head, but for a well-adjusted individual to be dwelling upon it is pointless, and for someone who aint it is potentially harmful. but hey, if you gotta air out your mind then by all da means of the world- do so, just dont get too riled up if others decide to do the same.

And just for future reference... "ignorant" is the fact that Claire's (just as one example) idealized depiction of a prison seems so far removed from any reasonable bounds of reality (unless she come in here later and tells and gives proof 'bout her uncle's time in prison which amounted to an extended stay at the ritz, somehow Omar be doubting that), and "absurd" as in the idea that an aspie enjoy'n prison, much less last'n in one...is kinda...funny.


Now, what you said before is just your standard trim and proper chivalry talk, but what you get into next is much more interesting...



OOh, this IS much more interesting. What's wit the personal projection and harsh words man, might this be an elaborate attempt to incorporate Omar into your private s/m fantasies? If so man, just give Omar the safe word, and he'll be ready for the whipp'n.

If not, Omar suggests you let go of some of that personal spite...just let it go

Wow. I did not mean to turn this thread into a fight about me.

Fact is...I have had a lifetime of feelings of shame, guilt, and overwhelming anxiety about most everything I say or do. Even though I am a good person. I have always been a freak. I am just now learning why. Sorry if my thoughts upset you to the point of needing me to feel shame. I thought this planet was somewhere they might be accepted...

life is a terminal illness.

LOL at the "knight in shining armor" bit. Did come off that way, but it pisses me off when other people's honest feelings on matters are criticized for even being let out. Anyway, state of mind was sort of affected by what my girl friend's going through right now, so no shining armor rescue goin' down here, I'm taken! Just I'm seeing what's going on here, and it relates very much to a similar situation back home. Claire can speak for herself, no doubt about it. She's already done it in fact, to your dismay.

Don't need no lap, nor any "lesson." Been doing well enough alone, and as it were, it was people who expressed opinions like yours that absolutely DID NOT HELP. I'm all for getting past things like this, it's when others cite honest feelings such as hers as "invalid" that I get a tad upset. It's not sympathy that's in order, just respect. I mean, sympathy meant f**k all, and I got lots of it for other reasons. How does one expect to move on from these ideas, when the idea of a "defected" mind is constantly hammered in? Both sympathy, and disrespect accomplish nothing very nicely, and do very much damage (IMO). Respect for the thoughts coming out of our heads isn't to be mistaken with "encouragement" neither. Respect for the thoughts, as they came for a reason, and they didn't come by choice, that is all.

I'm under the impression s/m crap is supposed to be "fun"...? Those were not "fun" thoughts man. Your post simply took me back to an angered state of mind, one I've left, but many others are still going through. Had I known anything at all, I would have been "well adjusted" long ago, instead people talked down, looked down, and beat up the likes of me, and many others. The "us vs. them" mentallity is repulsive to me, but in some cases there is truth to the matter. The idea shouldn't be pushed forward as we push on however.

BTW, you're an honest guy, and expressed your natural feelings, and I do respect that. I did get out of hand there, but it is a good way to open up the forum tho, eh? I find in many of the arguments I've had, I've come away with more respect for that person, as I understand what's going on now, guess it's a convoluted way of figuring things out, eh? Works so far tho, gotta girl out of it.

Aight....in truth, Omar was just gett'n a feel for the kinda mindframe that would espouse such views without qualifiers - BUT - the way it was stated did sound like Omar 'bout to launch an personal inquisition on private thought w/ his big stick of SHAME- an awkward word fo' sure - wit a lotta connotations stuck on it by da way it's been rung outta the mouths of clergmen and social etiquettists. It ain't like dat tho, and Omar apologizes - not for the gist of what was said - but for how it was uttered.

But, you should also realize that while this place may be a support group - that don't mean your every word gonna be eaten up by everyone wit spoonfuls of honey - sometimes you might get stung. Not 'cuz of the wanting to inflict pain, but more as a reminder of whats out there in the -universe- and there aint no planet thats exempt from fundamental rules.

Truce.

We cool JR, ain't nothin' like a little sparring every know and then to keep your wits about you.

To my dismay...eh? What you think Omar be expect'n when he pulled the trigger to cap his thoughts? Of course theres gonna be kickback. It certainly wasn't meant to be Big Bad Bully Omar pulling the tufts of hair on little Claire out in the playground (tho in retrospect, it certainly's startin to seem that way) Omar gonna give you and ALL them others that might be offended the same apology he given Clair - my bad at using loaded words to instigate cht -but the idea? Omar be stick'n wit dat.




Hrm... Speak'n an "honest" thought alone ain't worth respect - and the examples to the contrary are probably obvious to you if you give it some passing thought.

see,
If the thought be well framed and substantiated - then it's worth respect.
If the thought be well-meaning, earnest, but inadequate - then it's worth toleratin.
If the thought be irrelevant and/or lazy - then its worth ignoring.
If the thought be potentially harmful or mislead'n - then its worth calling out on.

A very quick'n'rough guideline for how Omar treats things and it seems to Omar you've pretty much ascribe to dat' rule to a degree - After all you giv'n Omar props for Honesty but still felt needed (perhaps rightfully) to call Omar out on it.




Us vs them, w/ them being "people [that]talked down, looked down, and beat up the likes of me"...
seems like the wrong kinda definitions to be ascribin to people....intention not action be the cause of your worry- else you be constantly react'n to the next development - and that aint no way to win a war.

Anyhow, this thread's gone way past terminal...Omar's gotta back away from this bloated zombie here before it starts infect'n

LOL Yeah CTS sucks.

Very often I think I wish to die, or know when and how (I'd like to choose a painless death). But I prefer to live. And the reason is completly stupid! I prefer to live for my computer, the new Playstation games i'd like to play, the movies i'd like to watch, the books I'd like to read... I can't figure out how someone so smart how I am (or people say and tests show) could choose so stupid meaning of life.

As someone whose mother has had a form of leukaemia for sixteen or seventeen years, this cuts way too close to home.

My mother is alive and we value that life she has.

Be careful what you wish for. ^_^ There's not much you can do when you're dead, after all.

Apple