Intuitive Social Situations Demystified

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MJIthewriter
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02 Jun 2009, 6:52 pm

WoodenNickel wrote:
As the first translations indicate, NTs can be very hard to read. I had a conversation that started off as:

NT: "How are you?"

Me: "OK"

NT: "Just OK?"

Now, what am I supposed to say here? "I'm overjoyed to see you, even though I have absolutely no recollection of you from high school." I can handle the ritual, but when someone departs from it, I am lost. I have no idea what cue I was to use to know that a longer answer was wanted. I'm not going lose any sleep over this one.

Similar case, when my junior high school had its last graduation:

Student reporter with a microphone: "How are you?"

Me: "Fine."

SR: "Fine? What am going to do with that?"

If he had asked me a specific question like "What do feel about this graduation?", I would have been able to provide a more specific answer.

I didn't use this ritual because it was so insincere. I was taught to use it by a girlfriend in whose culture this was more than an empty ritual.



I'm going to take a guess at the first one. When you answer "Just okay" depending on the mood, "Just Okay" could imply there are things going on that are keeping your day from being "fine".

Sounds to me that person was concerned about the "just okay" answer and was trying to see if there was anything bothering you that would make your day "just okay" In that case you may be able to say something short. It also depends on how you say it. If you say it with a low voice, it implies sadness. Anything that implies sadness may get a concerned person to ask what is wrong in hopes to cheer you up.


Other answers I've found to work: "Tired" Usually that gains a smile and a "Me too" from the other person. (Plus since I am almost always tired, it's a good honest answer without going into detail.)

"Fine" is the standard answer. As far as I can tell, means "my day is okay or good. Don't have time to explain it." or "I don't need to say anything further."

If you want to start a conversation, you could try giving an answer like ""Great!" (That may get someone to see what's making you happy. But if you speak it in a low tone, they may take it to the opposite, that your day isn't going well. You can also say terrible, and that may get a concerned person to ask another question about. it. You may give a short answer.


With the second one, if you answered "Excited", you probably would have gotten a good answer from the other person. They may say they are excited about the graduation too.

Answering back "nervous" would be another good answer. They may try to comfort you, but still it's an appropriate answer.

I hope those help.



WoodenNickel
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03 Jun 2009, 4:55 pm

@MJIthewriter:

I'm afraid you misread my post. I didn't say, "Just OK." I said, "OK", to which the NT replied "Just OK?" and flummoxed me.

@millie:

I suggest you use a script. Come up in advance a one or two sentence summary to answer, "What have you been doing?" If your interlocutor is interested, he will ask follow-up questions. The risk is that you will repeat yourself, for which you will need a recovery line such as, "I'm sorry about repeating myself. I just get so excited about this that I can't remember who I've told it to." Perhaps someone else can come up with a better line.



millie
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03 Jun 2009, 5:06 pm

:) thanks ^.

Either that or I buy a t.shirt saying "broken record."



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03 Jun 2009, 5:16 pm

I actually often go into detail about what is right or wrong with my life if someone asked how I am. If I am feeling bad and say I am, they often turn away and not say anything else lol...


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Morgana
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04 Jun 2009, 1:37 pm

millie wrote:
:) thanks ^.

Either that or I buy a t.shirt saying "broken record."


I like that one. I think I need one of those T-shirts too. :lol:


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millie
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04 Jun 2009, 1:41 pm

thanks, morgana. :)



MJIthewriter
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04 Jun 2009, 1:51 pm

WoodenNickel wrote:
@MJIthewriter:

I'm afraid you misread my post. I didn't say, "Just OK." I said, "OK", to which the NT replied "Just OK?" and flummoxed me.


I did read your post in a hurry. My appologies, I had a cab come right as I was about halfway typing my reply. I didn't have time to go over it before sending.
It's hard to say exactly what happened because I wasn't there, nor sure what happened before that question. It sounds like obviously the person expected something other than how you answered.

Also when you say "Okay" it could mean a couple things, either the answer, or saying you heard them. This is just another guess...at least I do it sometimes when interacting, if I feel something, sometimes like to know if other people feel the same way.
What context was the person in? Was it in a school, outside, work, somewhere else? It's hard to tell what they were feeling. They must have been feeling something else.
Also the word "Okay" doesn't really convey an emotion as much as a short sentence like "kind of bored. Nothing exciting." If you say the last one, likely you'll get a more friendly response, but once again context matters.

If it's something like a graduation, people expect you to either be nervous or excited, happy or sad. If you answer "sad" be prepared to answer why. You can answer about missing familiar teachers, the school, friends, etc...

This is all just a guess, but I believe there is truth to it. Maybe any NT's lurking can let me know if I am close or way off.



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01 Aug 2009, 3:33 pm

Tantybi wrote:
For whatever reason, some guys make me sick to the stomach at first meet. Michael Jackson did when I was a kid, back when he was black. So I figure it can't be good when people make me nauseous like that.

I have had this reaction to people, too. For instance, I have a SIL that is disliked by everyone in my family. Twice, I have been to her house, and she served food that I felt vaguely put off by. Both those times, she had been sulking about something, or arguing with one of my family members. Somehow, it seemed to permeate the food. I ate it once, and got a severe stomach ache after eating it. Now, I don't touch her cooking even though she gets hurt feelings. I felt as if her "vibes" got into the food.


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01 Aug 2009, 5:02 pm

Greentea wrote:
The process itself, how intuition works, is unknown even to scientists. And it wouldn't help us to understand the neurological process, same as it doesn't help a blind person to know how an eye does the process of seeing.


One bit of interesting information is I've heard some sources say there's scientific evidence for non-verbal language being one of the major sources of intuition, even if most are not aware of it happening.



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01 Aug 2009, 5:15 pm

Hey Nick, welcome aboard. Grab a chair, there's some refreshments on the side board. Now could you explain a bit more at length what you mean?


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01 Aug 2009, 5:46 pm

Greentea wrote:
Hey Nick, welcome aboard. Grab a chair, there's some refreshments on the side board. Now could you explain a bit more at length what you mean?


I was reading The Complete Idiots Guide to Understanding Body Language and it said that there is some Science to suggest that much of what people claim is intuition, or how it feels in a situation, is related to reading body language. There's also a lot more body language than just facial expressions. Many don't even realize what's going on in the situations.

Also, I have problems reading women and knowing if I should ask them on a date. So recently I decided to do some research on peer-review research. Apparently, most of the time when a man asks a woman on a date, she sends out body language signals. Most of the time when a man is rejected, she didn't send out these signals. Regardless of whether people are aware of what happens, this happens to be in peer-review journals.

Then I know some say that they just do what feels right in these situations, so I think what The Complete Idiots Guide to Understanding Body Language says about some of what intuition is makes sense to me.