First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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This is a great idea. I'm sure I'll have at least 20 questions in a minute for an NT. lol.

I have found facebook to be a satisfying experience for the most part. The cool thing about it is keeping in touch with people long-distance. The aspect I do not like is that the internet / facebook is no longer anonymous, and everyone sees what you're up to. So you have to filter what you say, at least if family members are on there.

I use Facebook but limit my "friends" to people I am actually friends with or friends of friends I would like to know better or at least keep in touch with so we have things to talk about when we see each other. I like being able to view friends' pictures at my leisure and viewing the various interesting articles and videos friends find.

I value my privacy so I have altered my last name and my profile pic is usually of a cartoon or one of my pets or a picture of me as a child. I have set my privacy settings to not appear in random searches. When I get notice of being "tagged" in a picture I view the picture and remove the tag if I don't want other people to see it. I have not posted my relationship status, interests, religious views or work history as those who need to know those things already do.

The "event" function is great as it allows you to send out a mass invite very quickly and find other events that might be of interest. When people complain about the lack of privacy the one thing they seem to forget is Facebook only shares as much as you provide. If you don't want your educational and work history and date of birth to be shared all over the internet then don't provide it. I don't need to receive a bunch of "Happy Birthday" posts to know my friends love me.

In a nutshell-Facebook is great for keeping in touch with a lot of people at once, just don't go begging for attention and you won't have anything to worry about.

So I've frequently found that people (NTs) say the exact opposite of what they mean or really think. From the frequency I've found out about it, it must happen a lot. I get when you ask "What's wrong/Are you ok?" and they say "nothing" or "I'm fine" that means they don't want to talk about it. But if you ask something about their preferences or opinions on something and they lie about it when it's not really anything worth hiding or otherwise lying about?
1. What does that mean?
2. Is there some way to get people to tell the truth?
If I didn't honestly care about their opinion I wouldn't ask in the first place, so it really confuses me when they lie about it.

I used to use "nothing" as a reply when I was either so frustrated that I couldn't adequately explain what was wrong or realized that my reasons for being upset were purely emotional and would seem irrational to the other person and just cause further problems. Now I briefly but politely state that it is a matter I do not want to discuss and that it is to everyone's benefit that I don't.

Back when I used to date I would often be very hurt if a boyfriend did something that upset me and either seemed unaware or didn't care that it upset me. It felt like he was either doing it on purpose or paid so little attention to me that he didn't realize it would bother me or just didn't care. Either way, being asked what was wrong made me more mad because it was a reinforcement that he wasn't even aware of what he had done wrong or why it was. I felt he should KNOW what was wrong and why it was hurt and that my having to tell him was more work for me. Now that I don't date I don't have that problem.

As far as people lying about their preferences, I don't know either. I know some people are so hell bent on being polite and pleasing others that they will keep their opinions to themselves rather than risk the discomfort of having a differing opinion with someone they care about. A disagreement does not equal an argument but some people are so defensive and insecure that they perceive and rejection of what they like as a rejection of them. Some people are also so determined to have their way that it is easier to just say, "Yeah I want to see that movie" and suffer through a boring movie for a few hours than suffer from the other person cajoling and whining until they get their way. I have found the best way to get people to tell the truth is to make it worth their while. If people know they will get a respectful, calm and rational response from me they know telling me the truth is worth the risk.

Wow, forst post ever here. And about facebook, nonetheless.

"Hi. I have a question for all the NTs who look at this thread. I'd like to know whether you use social networking sites and whether you find them a satisfying or unsatisfying experience."

Facebook is one of my favorite things to hate (in, like, EVER). Yes, i am NT and i hate Facebook with a passion. I find that facebook is one ofthe most vacuous, boring, and time wasting things ever created. I call it the "small talk machine" (because, you know, everything everyone does in facebook is small talk). Facebook is public, everyone can see it and read it, so EVERYONE is always on guard while on facebook. Nothing personal or deep or even remotely interesting to me gets posted by anyone i care about in facebook. And for the chat function? I have messenger for that, thanks. Nowdays, everyone is obssesed with facebook. They stop doing things to use facebook. They waste time which could be spent with friends, watching movies, hanging out, reading good books, studying and being fun. I like debates, i like good and deep conversations, i like getting personal and i DON'T CARE THAT YOU JUST BROKE UP OR ARE FEELING GOOD OR TOOK A DUMP OR ANYTHING LIKE IT.

Of course, i have no issue with people who use facebook, mi GF has facebook, and she uses it like there's no tomorrow (i often try to convince her to leave it alone, never works XD). Most of my friends use facebook, although i have a few who hate facebook too.

Another issue i have with facebook is that everyone expects you to use it. I value my loneliness. I value loneliness in itself. I don't like everyone knowing where i've been, where i am, or how i am (or who i am). But with the rise of social networks, Cellphones with full time internet connection and other modern wonders, i find that i have less time to be alone, less space to be alone, and less people who tolerate me being alone. I like forums because they are anonymous, and things tend to go deeper, people show themselves as more interesting and fun and less afraid of opinions.

Yes, it's normal not to ask even if they are worried. Why? For a million reasons. But i've found that at the base of 'em all is to not risk the relationship. Asking may give an answer which one is not prepared to deal with. It may even confirm one's fears. It may upset the other person. Asking has a risk implicit to it. As much as Aspies and ASD puzzle and try to understand an NT's mind, we NTs are not as good doing it as you may think we are. Oftentimes, we are wrong, and that may risk things, so i think it's better to be direct.

When you value that relationship, fear of risking things may make you try something of an indirect approach. By which we try and manipulate the other person into telling us what is wrong without creating a confrontational situation in which an anwer is expected from us. Or we may ask a close friend or really anything less direct (and most of the time, less effective and efficient). I am not able too provide direct links to articles or books, but i've heard somewhere that communication issues are usually the bane of relationships (hell, that's what made my parents get a divorce and end up hating each other). So I make a point of being as blunt and direct as possible without being offensive to my loved ones. I value a good friend or my GF too much to risk keeping skeletons in the closet (a metaphor, it means unresolved problem) as they escape from their closets to often for me to tolerate (The long term risk in keeping problems unsolved is often bigger than the short term risk of solving such problem).

If you don't like an indirect approach to problem solving or suck at it, you can always tell them that it's more effective, and they should be direct most of the time. I find that there are people (like my GF) who like to be indirect because it's fun to keep the mystery and guess. But usually, she does it when the stakes are not as high, not when we just had a particularly harsh fight. The NT way is not always the right way.

Now, a question for people on the spectrum! I've noticed that some have problems with generalizations, and learning social subtleties with experience. Oftentimes, you need to know the "code" in a precise way to act accordingly. I've read in a book about logic (Don't remember if ti was Eemeren's or Gustason's or the tittle of the book ATM) that inductive logic is the natural way in which NT humans learn from experience. If all tables they've seen have four legs, then it's reasonable to expect the next table they see to have four legs. Inductive, as opposed to deductive (which needs true and tried propositions to work, a LAW if you will) is the natural way in which the NT brain works. Deductive logic on the other hand, has to be learned from scratch. Do some Aspies and Auties find that they have a problem with inductive logic? With extrapolating universal principles from experience? Do they find that they get along much better with deductive logic than with inductive? I've thought about this long and hard and it's just an hypothesis, but, does your brain work more deductively tha inductivley?

Nope. Totally wrong.

I think people want to think of it this way. But it doesn't work. I find that people want to say we think more rationally, less rationally, deductively, associatively, concretely, in pictures, without pictures... No. What I find is that we have a different set of priorities, and a different set of axioms.

So we might remain absolutely adamant about something most NTs think makes no sense, but it's one of our axioms; there was no fault in the logic that led to it because there was no logic that led to it. (Look at yourself as we see you and you'll find that this is quite normal.) On the other hand, we don't have all of your assumptions. So where you assume something incorrect, we think logically about it and understand that you're being stupid.

Social skills isn't about inductive or deductive logic. In your case there is no logic. You were born knowing. And so was I; I was born knowing how to read autistics. But you think I was born suffering from the inability to read you. And when you can't read me, why is that? Why, because I am defective; I don't give readable signals.

They're quire readable. You just don't know how to read them.

But anyway. Social skills. You were born with them. There's an area of your brain devoted entirely to looking at a face and knowing immediately whose face it is. You didn't learn these things. You were born with them. Inductive logic, deductive logic, thinking in pictures, thinking in concepts, NONE OF IT allows ANYONE to mimic another neurotype's style of body language with true fluency. I can pass, but that's because:
1. You're just IGNORING signals you aren't set up to register. My true body language isn't registered that way.
2. You're reading some signals completely wrong, and coming up with explanations that pass me off as some type of NT. (A shy NT, a crazy NT... on one memorable occasion, I realized I was being though of as an NT who was pretending not to care about some stuff that I DON'T CARE ABOUT. So my actual personality was being passed off as a mask worn by the person I was trying to pretend to be.)
3. You are not in my mind. You do not see it. You do not see that I lack the instantaneous empathy where you just know the feeling without having to consciously read all the cues. I've gotten good at reading you consciously. I can do it so fast most people can't see the difference unless I tell them. I can do it so fast I didn't know it was fake until I finally experienced true empathy. (Note: I do care. Once I've read how you're feeling, I care. I don't want you to be angry or sad or worried. I do want you to be happy. I do care.)

Well, you make compelling points, but i don't really think anyone is born with any semiotic code in particular. Otherwise, variations in it would be imposible! Do you realize that body language changes from culture to culture? How could it change if everyone is born with the same code? How could Smiling as a sign of aggression (showing your teeth in some primates, it is just an hypothesis, but i'm using it as an example.) change from that to a sign of friendship and happiness? Somewhere in history something must have happened to make change. Nodding and moving your head to say yes or no is not an universal thing (i should know, i've studied semiotics and ) So a baby is not born with those things. An NT baby is born with the ability to learn A body lenguage, ANY body language, instinctively. But an NT baby can't choose which societal norms to follow. Don't know how i learned all this stupid social trappings. Don't know how any NT baby does it. But i digress, this is not a debate topic.

Got another question! For the sensitive ones on the spectrum, those who sense other people's emotions, and do it strongly, how do you feel at emotional situations such as a wedding, or a funeral or a very very sad movie in which people are crying?

Here you're confusing innate body language and cultural norms. Certain expressions are learned and do vary. However, very many are not and do not. The difference between smiling in happiness and smiling in agression is not a social construct; you have different instincts. That particular case is a difference between species. Nodding/shaking your head is not innate. I'm talking about things like the fleeting widening of the eyes and pulling down of the eyebrows before a violent act. I'm talking about the things that stay stable across all cultures.

Did you know that wherever you are, there is a smile, a quick smile with raised eyebrows, that means "hello, friend, nice to see you" to all NTs from all cultures? Its use differs; the more reserved Japanese use it very sparingly, while there are more friendly cultures that use it to greet even casual acquaintances. But the smile itself looks exactly the same and means exactly the same thing.

This study shows what I mean.

There's another study (I can't remember the name or anything right now) where they found an isolated population that had little contact with outsiders. They wanted to see if their facial expressions were the same as other people's. They did things like make up short stories and ask them to make the face they'd make. They took pictures of people feeling emotions and asked them to describe the kinds of things that might cause them to feel that way. Exactly the same facial expressions as Americans use.

Certain aspects of body language do change. However, you can't go learning those before you understand the most basic aspects.

Well, as a guy who specialices in communication, i can say i'm surprised by this things. So what you are saying is that te MOST basic things like frowning are innate? Wow....I guess as a communicator one is more focused on the trappings of code and how does it work reather than what causes it. Whoops.

I suppose I can try to answer this one.

Weddings are neutral to me since, while intended to be a pleasant occasion, any "strong feelings" are between the two getting married. I feel quite uninvolved in that.

My reaction at funerals is dependent on my level of closeness to the attendees. I will feel the pain of those I am familiar with, whether I am able to express it or not. I will offer my sympathies in any case, as it's the correct thing to do.

Sad movies? I'm not about to cry with someone over a movie unless I'm also moved to do so for myself. It's only a movie, after all, no matter how poignant.

YMMV

I think I'm an Aspie, but I'm not sure. Recently I've noticed NT people just can't see the greater consequences of their actions. An example would be at work, where people are annoyed that something has not been done, but refuse to complain. When I explain that this will not result in the desired change, they get annoyed with me because they think that the thing will change in time. I can't go into specifics, but does anyone understand what I mean? Is being able to tell what problems will occur in the future an Aspie trait, or not?

In the case of my sister, who was diagnosed last year, I have found the opposit to be true. She is very fixed on the present and is loathe to make plans or break her routine.

I'm new here.... what does "NT" mean?

It's short for "neurotypical". It means either those without autism, or, more narrowly, those whose brains work the same as most people. Either way, it refers to people who aren't autistic.

The difference is whether or not other variations on how the brain works that aren't on the autistic spectrum, whether people with those are considered NT or not -- that varies.

Well, there's also difference in whether those who have some autistic traits, but not a diagnosis, as NT or not.

To some people, anyone and everyone who doesn't qualify for an autistic spectrum diagnosis is NT, no matter how outside the ordinary they are. To others of us, NT means, well, normal, average people.

A question for both Nt and aspies:
After a social event such as a dinner, a party, do you go over the details of the event to sort of examine whether you did anything wrong or inappropriate? Does it help you improve socially? Is this an as pie thing?