"The Asperger's Stare"

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I've had both the 'stoner' stereotype and people making vague comments about scary eyes. I hate that one. I'd rather people think I'm a stoner. I need to hurry up and get formally tested because stuff like that, people thinking you're a psycho, really hurts. Especially when deep down you're pretty much a softy but you just don't know how to share it with people.

Apparently I look very intense when being talked to. People have told me I look psyco before.

I've also been called a stoner as sometimes I look dazed and zoned out.

It's always either one or the other and I can't seem to find the balance of looking "normal".

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My ex has a great Aspie stare. He gets really, really intense and scares the crap out of people. When he's happy. When he's mad they run.

I either get told that it looks like I'm not there or that I'm looking through the person whenever I maintain eye contact. Either way, it seems to make people uncomfortable. It's kind of a double edged sword. When I look away, I get criticized for not looking the person in the eye, and when I do make eye contact it just creeps them out.

I stare quite a lot, often it is because I'm in deep thought and I'm zoning out.

Yes, we can learn some skills, such as lightly, imperfectly watching the entire eye slit area.

At the same time, and I almost think it's more important, when we stare just recover graciously and matter-of-factly

If someone says something

[on the theory that if someone needs space, graciously give space]
"Sorry, didn't mean anything, I have an artist (or philosopher, or scientist) type of personality."

or

" . . I'm on the spectrum." (which means I have patchy skills and that can be a good thing)

The intense anger stare:
"You look angry"
"You look murderous"
(I'm deep in thought or daydreaming or playing out social scenarios: basically, thinking hard and being perplexed)

The despondent stare:
"You look upset, are you OK?"
"Were you just crying?"
(I'm content/happy or mildly excited/amused)

The completely blank stare:
"Hello? Is anyone home?"
"What are you staring at?"
(I'm going over complex spatial concepts, like physics and mathematics, in my head: basically, processing a lot of information)

The obsessive/intense stare:
"Your eyes are boring holes in my skull"
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
(I'm intensely curious of someone's eyes)

The completely blank stare directed at a person:
"What?"
"... What?"
(I've forgotten that I was looking at someone, and started thinking about something else)

It took me about 8 years of rigorously recording (in my mind) seemingly inappropriate reactions people had to my facial expressions to figure out what the correlations were. My facial expressions almost always produce inappropriate reactions from others. When I'm sad, people think I'm tired. When I'm in pain, people think I look afraid or angry. When I'm bored, people think I look very angry. When I'm extremely happy, and start ranting about why, I get this:

I've come to terms with it, and now find it amusing, for the most part.

The lack of facial expression, or inappropriate facial expressions, does seem common in aspies. I see it in a lot of autistic children. They look completely hollow or blank, but I find this comforting. Some seem to find it creepy or off-putting.

I get this look when I'm thinking deeply about things not related to my present surroundings. I do this a lot because my brain is usually in an intense state of internal concentration. I'm trying to train myself in public to have my eyes travel over objects and pretend to "look" at them while at the same time blinking them occasionally. I don't know if this looks any less "creepy." In all of the photos here, the Aspies look very alive and human to me, more so than the photos of the NT's. I "see" the Aspie brains working intensely behind those eyes whereas the NT's look dopey (don't mean to be derogatory but that's the best term I can think of to describe it). Regarding the photos of the girl who supposedly had the Aspie stare in some photos and not in others, the difference in the eyes doesn't seem to be consistent to me but I did notice a slightly gaping mouth was a characteristic of all but one of the "Aspie stare" photos.

I wear sunglasses in public when I can to avoid eye contact with others. It makes me uncomfortable when someone notices I'm looking at them. Most times I purposely don't look at people. I'm told that my eye contact looks scary, or like I'm "gone" or i get asked if something's wrong because I'm staring at nothing, away from people.

<----Here's me doing "the stare".

I often feel empty, and probably look it, but I haven't noticed it on other spectrum people.

There is no such thing as an ''Asperger's Stare'' - people stare at me all the time. When I go to wait in the bus stop the other people standing there all stare at me for ages. And no it's not because I do anything different because I don't (and I'm not explaining all that again), but in short, there is no reason for them to stare so I think people just stare for the sake of staring.