In reply to MollyTroubletail (the name implies a history with social misunderstandings), let me say this as far as Aspergers as "excuse" for rudeness.
Firstly, Aspergers is a verifiable neurological condition. It is not the rudeness syndrome. There are a raft of symptoms. For those who equate Aspergers with only social awkwardness, please look at Tony Atwood's definitive guide, "The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome." You will see that there is a range of symptoms, including language difficulties, clumsiness, problems detecting emotions of others, trouble looking people in the eye. Do you think not laughing when everyone else is due to "missing" the joke is rude?
You can't have a syndrome without symptoms, and trouble connecting to others is an Aspie symptom. You don't say, "Oh, look at that Schizophrenic. She is so deliberately rude."
MollyTroubletail is right that it is the NTs who are moreover rude. The big boss once greeted me with, "Uncle D....How are you doing selling those gym passes?" I work in retail. I challenged him that you do not greet someone you haven't seen in a week by asking how he/she is making money for you. So, the big boss said, "In these grave economic times, we have to think of our bottom line." Now that's rude, and he's an NT.
Are you naysayers on Aspie "rudeness" familiar with the term Ugly American? Many Americans go abroad with their purported good manners, but, when they can't have the room with the king size bed or are detained at customs, they play up their Americanness..."I'm calling my embassy. You can't get away with this. We're Americans."
I know premodonnas who use manners as a way to keep people down. One such church-going gal with a job in people management (sounds like the British colonials offering tea to the native people) would take advantage of the blind people on a ski trip..."Jessa, you're doing really well, but can you do it over for me?" [Jessa says she has practiced enough times and would like to just move ahead] The churchgoers reply: "Please don't be argumentative.You need to learn skills. Uh, Jessa, can you give me eye contact, so I know you understand what I'm saying?"
The people I hate most are those who are in some power and who use strict adherence to manners to keep people below them feeling weak and restricted. That's the worst rudeness.
Then there are the kind of "manners" that keep you in line. On a bus with friends I started talking about how the Japanese conceive of art, and this big working class guy shoots us or me dirty looks and mumbles insults under his breath while exiting. The point is that the new "manners" preclude you from talking on anything intellectual or challenging to the status quo in mixed company. You are supposed to talk about "the game," (and there's always a game), and how you did the jello shots last night. And since 9/11 you can't show any kind of dissatisfaction with America or Capitalism. There was a NY Times article in 2002 or 2003 about the death of sarcasm after 9/11, and SNL needed Mayor Giuliani's permission to be sarcastic again soon after 9/11.
Bill Buckley was a plutocrat who used upper crust "manners" to humiliated his opponents. He once lost it, though, and threatened to punch Noam Chomsky in the face. Some people like Buckley deserve to be treated with bad manners.
Then there is our fascination with celebrities like Paris Hilton, Alec Baldwin, and, eek, Charlie Sheen. Would you call these weirdos polite? No way! If we are so polite a society, then why do we worship these disturbed individuals? Why did so many people buy tix to Sheen's Warlock tour? Sure, most of us are well-mannered except when it comes to the famous. We expect them to be explosive and foul-mouthed.
Many of you are too young to know that in the 70s and 80s, when I was young, people were routinely rude. You would walk down the street in the wrong neighborhood, and some punks would say,"What are you doing in this neighborhood. You don't live here." Racism was still OK, and teenage girls were expected to snipe at the lower downs. Everybody sniped at somebody.
You can't expect everyone to be polite all the time. Do you expect a New York cabdriver to act like Walter Raleigh? If everyone were polite all the time, we'd have no conflict, and you will always have conflict. At least with the occasional outright rudeness, you know the person is being honest. It's the premadonnas who put on a show of good manners while stabbing you in the back that I hate. And most of us Aspies are not like that; we are genuine.
Thanks,
Uncle D.
04 Jun 2011, 6:11 pm
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