So I posted in the infamous AS partners forum for NT's...

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It took me a minute to find which bits were your text and hopefully this is everything.

Can you give an exact definition of how someone looks when "upset"? And if I were to internalise this exact criteria as a set of rules or mental checks to perform and take appropriate scripted action when it occurs, would that count as "trying harder"? Or is it a case of, we should be like other people and "just know" when someone is upset? Realistic expectations are very important when seeking happiness. Personally, I find that the better i know someone, the more i am able to tell various states apart (probably because of a more exhaustive set of rules). However, the process of checking a lot of criteria is exhausting.

I am enjoying this discussion and feel like I can learn from it. Also, thanks for the twisted rawhide lyrics, I'll have to remember to use that in other forums.
Maz

She did ask him for help. Tell him the car is stuck in the snow. Is this line not asking for help?

Am I missing something here? Everyone else who has responded to this is acting like she didn't ask for help.

She did not ask for help.
That would look and sound like this:
"______, will you please help me get the car unstuck from the snow?"

She could have easily asked for help, but chose not to.

Mind reading as an expectation of your partner is foolish whether you are married to an NT or ASD person.

She made a statement then assumed it would be interpreted as a request for help. (I'd have probably worked out what this one meant but that doesn't make it a request).

If i said "It's snowing outside", what do I mean?
Maz

"The key to a healthy relationship is good communication".
I think I may have heard that before.. once or twice.. or a billion times. I'd have to agree with it (and you).

So telling him to tell someone the car is stuck in the snow is not asking for help but if she asked him to tell him the car is stuck in the snow, he could have taken that literal as well and just say "no" because he wouldn't have known she was actually telling to to tell him to the car is stuck in the snow.

It's snowing outside and you were just sharing that info with me because I love snow and you thought I might wanted to know that.

I did not enter that forum with the purpose of trolling or to get a kick out of it. - Because truthfully speaking, if I went there with the intention of trolling, I would have probably hacked the server or would have spam posted the most nonsensical drivel you have ever read, in order to cause great annoyance.

I haven't went back again, I don't wish to go back to that forum ever again. It made me extremely self conscious (which lead my mum to ban me from ever visiting it again). NEVER AGAIN!

And I went with good intentions to suggest that people with autism are not sociopaths, however I did clarify that it is possible for an autistic individual to exhibit narcissistic tendencies and also be affected by a personality disorder, the same way autistic individuals can also be affected by mental illness as well.

My main problem, was the generalisations and the use of "those horrible aspies", as if to say *all* individuals wit ASD posess these traits, when in reality it's just their husband/wife in question. And also the mislabeling and purposeful misinterpretation of ASD symptoms and likening it to that of a sociopath. And it goes both ways because there are some aspies who do generalise NT's too and that's not right.


And the "try harder" answer - If I had a £1 for every person who said, I'd be a millionaire. I do try my hardest, I even created a log book to write down my observations of how people react in situations and which emotions and facial expressions are assigned to which.. I will keep pushing through and hopefully will be able to recognise facial expressions on my own.

You can tell him that the car is stuck in the snow but that's not telling him what she wants him to do. I think that her husband just sat there because even if he did know that there was a problem, he didn't know what do do about it.

No problem.

And, if one doesn't "just know," but is able to script appropriately, does this count as caring? Or is it an illusion? I kinda think that if you intellectually are able to make the effort to act appropriately, then you are doing so because you care, regardless of whether you had to figure out what is appropriate instead of "just knowing."

Many people with AS do actually think that doing nothing is better than doing the "wrong thing", it's not only you. I think that it's usually because of the fact that we've experienced doing the wrong thing before.

it kind of makes me feel like a rock star to know that the AS partners site is considered "infamous"...