How do you feel about "invisible" autistics?

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I'm one of those invisible ones that unless you put me in a stressful situation you might never know that I have difficulties but I seriously do have difficulties. Poor coordination, strabismus, myoclonus, bowel control issues when stressed with even minor things. For the most part they remain hidden though.

Doctors don't know everything. Autism is just a label for a big circle they drew around a bunch of symptoms and behaviors that they see as clustering together. Your experience is your experience. A doctor saying you fit a particular diagnostic criteria or not says only that you are on one side or the other of this circle, in their professional and highly knowledgeable opinion.

I am slightly skeptical about the idea of "official" diagnosis being the only way to fit any medical label. It's certainly helpful, absolutely. But you don't need to be diagnosed with everything by a person with a PhD. I have alopecia universalis, and wasn't diagnosed with it for years after the onset, but I knew about it and talked about having it. I didn't say "I probably have alopecia universalis" when my body had rejected all the hair on my body. Self-diagnosis was reasonable in that case. Of course, it was a good idea to talk to the doctor to confirm that it wasn't something else going on, which I eventually did and had my self-diagnosis confirmed.

I think it's okay to diagnose yourself and refine that diagnosis over time with more information, more knowledgable people, etc. The doctor doesn't make it real. They just add confidence to it. You as a lay person are pretty likely to be wrong about stuff like this, because you don't know all the less popular conditions that may have things in common with your experiences. The doctor is less likely to be wrong because of their vast experience and knowledge, but even they can be wrong. It's all about increasing confidence.

Myself? I may or may not be inside that big circle they drew, but I definitely have some characteristics that put me near it, at the very least. Learning about it and talking about it is useful for helping me deal better, like learning techniques for managing my constant fidgeting. I may or may not ever seek "official" diagnosis, but I'm not going to stop relating to people and talking about my issues. I don't think I see anyone suggesting that here, just saying that the label requires a doctor to apply, which I think is... understandable, but not something I wholly agree with.

Because I am not diagnosed, by a doctor or by my self, I typically say "I have autistic traits" or "I am probably autistic." or "I am ~autistic." If it becomes relevant to the interaction I'm having, I talk about my various personal needs, like my issues with audio processing, face blindness, literal language, noise sensitivity, fidgety-ness, etc.

I fully understand that as a person who is still just exploring this idea and just beginning to work with a therapist on it, I have little social legitimacy, knowledge, etc. to speak on the subject, so ignore me as you feel appropriate. I just felt like providing my opinion. *shrugs*

A lot of self-diagnosed people say that they are autistic or have autism without saying that they self-diagnosed.
This is based on some people I know offline, and others online.
Offline, most self-diagnosed people don't say that they self-diagnosed with autism, most of the self-diagnosed people I have met say that they have autism or are autistic without diagnosis.
It is only through asking are you diagnosed that one would know that they are not diagnosed.

FWIW, in my own experience with coming to the realization I was very probably autistic and getting a diagnosis (I am now diagnosed as autistic) my perception was that the entire process was more subjective than objective.

Even the professional diagnosing me seemed to be subjectively interpreting my personal story and reasons for thinking I was autistic, the test results and the degree to which it interfered with my ability to lead a normal life (my disability).

From the initial diagnosis itself to determining where are on the spectrum I sit it all seemed to be a hazy and subjective eductated guess.

Given that, it seems that even with a diagnosis absolute certainty is impossible to achieve.

I do understand the feeling that without a diagnosis it might seem unfair to label oneself as autistic, but I don't feel a diagnosis in and of itself adds anything more than confirmation.

From my personal experience, all a diagnosis did was make me say to myself "either I am fooling myself and the doctor, or I am autistic". Leaving me no more confident in my original self diagnosis than I was pre-diagnosis aside from having confirmation that a professional 'thinks' I am autisic too.

My wife on the other hand needed that diagnosis to feel certain I was autistic. Feel being the operative word, though she would probably say she now 'knows' I am autistic.

For myself, I have accepted the inherent uncertainty I percieve and am comfortable saying I am autistic. Though I would not have been as comfortable saying that pre-diagnosis, if someone had asked me I probably would have said 'I am autistic' rather than 'I suspect I am autistic' rather than create confusion in the listeners mind.

This is exactly what I experience, verbatim. I don't go to social gatherings if I can help it, however, if it is a situation such as a special occasion for someone who means very much to me, and I do, to them, I will request that they give me a task, or multiple tasks to do. I literally cannot stand being in the position that you had so perfectly described. It is so uncomfortable, as I cannot find my place, nor do I try, nor do I want to, nor do I do well being bored out of my mind.

I have a tendency to disappear into the woodwork myself during social gatherings (I haven't attended one in a while).

I have no ability in photography--so that's out. Nor in decorating the house or something.

My best role is as the person who seeks out evidently lonely people so that they'll have someone to talk to.

Sounds like you put your nose to the grindstone.....I have to do that more!

There's a guy here who recently wrote a book about his life. I don't remember his screen name offhand---but his avatar has a moose within it. One of his great "special interests" happens to be film photography (i.e., pre-digital photography).

I remember how much a big deal the Polaroid Swinger was in 1967. I think my parents got it as a gift from someone else. I wrote something on the instruction manual; I could barely write even when I was just about to turn 7.