Should governments criminalise shaming of singles/virgins?

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What about cases where someone repeatedly states that people of certain race/sexuality/disability should die? Do you think jail would be too much for them, too?

^^ Censorship is a very slippery slope. Inevitably, there will be people with every opinion, and some may not be open to reason. However, I'd much rather know who they are, and let them know that I disagree, than encourage secret societies. If people start agitating for action based on prejudice, jail may become the least violent resolution.

If they are making actual, credible threats of mass violence, then they can and should be jailed for that. If, on the other hand, they aren't threatening actual personal violence but, instead, are just advocating that society as a whole return to what we would regard as the bad old days, then we need to be vigilant about making sure they don't succeed, but I don't think jailing them is the answer.

I don’t think so.

I now feel like a loser since I am 31 and still can’t even get a date.

I have seen people here tell you multiple times that they hope you are able to get one, so it kind of baffles me you still keep accusing everyone of saying they don't want you to have a girlfriend. How many times do people have to tell you they don't mean 'you should never have a girlfriend' when they say 'maybe you should focus less on that for the time being.' till you get that that is what they mean? I mean its true focusing day after day on moping about not having a girlfriend is also not going to help you get one...if anything its detrimental. So I mean if you do truly want a gf someday maybe it would help to try and apply some of that advice. And if you just can't do that right now, that's ok but try not to assume everyone here wants you to fail.


Also I know that TMS didn't work out....but maybe you could look into trauma therapy, that may also help you let go of some of the past hurtful experiences so you can move on, the idea of that therapy is to sort of help you take control of what your mind does. They can use different feedback methods like eye movement therapy, or when I did it they used an auditory feedback thing that part is kind of hard to explain but yeah it did seem to help. Basically you can learn to kind of quiet your mind or think of like a peaceful place in your head to interrupt the negative thought patterns.

And like one other poster mentioned if you see a comment that seems like a personal attack or brings you up inappropriately in another thread...just report that post and don't respond to it. I have learned long ago that trying to 'defend yourself' against a**holes online usually just doesn't help I myself certainly live by the 'report it and don't respond' method when I am online, well I try I do slip up sometimes of course.

You have been employed for a long time, you have a drivers license and a vehicle to drive I do not think you are as much of a 'loser' as you think you are. Also, if your into that Manga stuff well there are quite a lot of people who are into that...if you were to try and find events or activities in regards to it those could be opportunities to meet others who share your interest.

And not so sure you absolutely cannot get a date, as far as I know you haven't really specifically tried to get a date in a while either. I mean have you thought of how to approach that even...like how you would ask someone out? Also I know you're not so into online dating. But if you were to give it a go but maybe look more towards that Austin area maybe you'd find a more diverse selection of women using it in that area than your exact location. And having a car and ability to drive certainly won't hurt your chances.

Most importantly though, you're not a loser.

I can’t bring up the names of the ones who’ve told me to give up completely as well as say I need to accept the small chance I will be alone for the rest of my life or I will get banned.

I see couples practically every day. At work, at restaurants, at stores, at music shows, at parks, at conventions, at arcades, and even on the sidewalks. It honestly doesn’t matter. Whenever I am told to not think about it or to set it aside, I feel like it’s ok for everyone else but me to have a relationship. It’s like I am being told I am too “messed up” and that things like being shy, anxious, and depressed make me unfit to be in a relationship.

I am turning 32 this year while all four of my siblings are married and have their own families while I can’t even get a coffee date. Out of all five of us, why did I get the worst when it comes to the social world? When I was 17, I feared being alone forever and every year that passes makes that fear become more and more true.

I have tried to get in contact with women from Austin through social/dating sites and the two speed dating events I tried were in Austin as well. The social/dating site route always ended up being unproductive due to being ghosted constantly and foot dragging on the women’s part. The speed dating experiences were frustrating and disappointing.

The last time I asked out a girl out was in 2017. She told me she liked manga and I asked her out for coffee but she turned me down by claiming she was “too busy”. Apparently just asking women out is the wrong way to do it but it seems to work for other men in the crappy culture I live in.

Asking for dates never worked for me, either. I did interesting things that accidentally got attention, and women wanted to be friends. I was surprised. Most nerds I know wind up married through some mysterious process when they become able to support children. They tend to average happier than couples who still wonder if they could do better.

Try a new perspective - some of the world's best citizens have been devoted to a cause, and remained single. Nobody razzes the Pope about it.

The Pope chooses to be single. I don’t wish to be but Aspergers has doomed me.

You have to work with what you have if you want good odds. The Pope got around as a young man, and may have learned that he had no talent in bed.
You might be dodging a marriage worse than death. Half of them break up, but more should, if not for stubbornness, etc.
There are many men without AS who have to stay single, too.
I should also warn you that a lot of the advice on how to get sympathy, etc, just does not work for men. We really need a separate list of lessons on many things besides how to pee. All the unisex brainwashing in the world will not get people to treat men and women the same.

Here we have a case where a certain far (or radical) left politican has made social media posts about how people of certain group should all be killed and then named in other posts who he thinks belong to that group. Would you consider this serious enough for punishment?

Well most of my initial online contacts ended in failure as well. But I just took breaks from it and wasn't even on there a lot, I checked like once or twice a week for messages and would browse profiles of guys that seemed in a reasonable distance to meet in person. Also I updated and changed my profile a couple times, feeling like some of the stuff i had on there may be a bit much and I tried to take a couple better pictures as my profile image just to give a decent picture that didn't make me look all ugly or something.

but even with all of that it still took like 5 years of being on those sites, and getting some failed dates to finally meet someone that was worth it. I mean I know there are a lot of downsides to the whole meeting people online, but in my case if it wasn't for that kind of thing I am not sure I would have even found a boyfriend by this point. I have no idea how I could have possibly approached anyone IRL, that is why I was on dating sites cause I fail socially and I figured maybe if I get to at least talking to someone online, they wont be as noticing about my flaws and autistic blunders when we meet in person.

Also that one girl in 2017 probably had whatever reason she wasn't interested, ,maybe she was already with someone and had a hard time being open about that or maybe she just didn't feel ready to start a relationship or she simply was not romantically interested who can say.

But if that was the last time you actually asked someone out IRL or online, its been 3 years since 2017. So if its been three years since you have even attempted to get a date? seems kind of unfair to say you cannot possibly get one ever. Also though say things were going well with a girl, how would you feel about moving away from your mom and not letting her control anything about you life?LIke even in your current situation I don't think it would be impossibel to meet a potential girlfriend but if and when you did what would you do?

With how invasive you say your mom is, even interfering with your finances....even if a girl did really like you she may not be comfortable with signing he life away to your moms weird philosophies and ideas of how things should be o go so far as living with you while you still live with her.

Initially a potential gf would not be moving in right away so there would be time to clean things up so it looks clean enough. Even so say you got it all cleaned up and had a nice room to invite her to at least, what would you do then? Do you have anything to talk to her about, or any interesting things you have been working on to show off. Are there any movies you have been wanting to watch that maybe you and her could watch together. Or are you just hoping gf shows up and the rest of your life is happily ever after? I mean sure having a Long term relationship is nice but you have to keep working on it like in that case not only do you need to consider yourself and your own best intersts, but then you also have to consider the other person. Not complaining at all but yeah I can't just make everything about me all the time I certainly have to consider the other person.


So sometimes I am concerned you just want a gf to show up and take care of you, but that is not really a realistic thing. Like if you get a gf you have to consider them to and accept their difernences. I mean you mentioned friendly staff at a comic book store you frequent...yet you were still kind of complaining that the people there did not have the exact same interests. LIke you can literally at least talk to some of them about that stuff and the ones that aren't so interested are still at least cool about it. But simply because theu were not as interested in all the same Mangas as you that means it was worthless interactions? I mean you want to be accepted by people so doesnt do much good to be rejecting people just on the point that they aren't 100% in agreement with everything you say.

Like you say you can go to that comic store and talk to the people there and it generally goes well, at least that is the impression I had But then you were complaining that though you can talk to them they don't have the exact same Manga interests as you but that is beyond OK. Like you can't expect people to just go crazy that you are into something like why isn't it ok that they talk to you but may not have the exact same interest?

Like IDk you said there are people at the store you can talk to, then you turn around and say everyone here is your personal detractor even though most people here have only tried giving helpful tips/advise. Yes I am certain some peole have been rude about it which is uncalled for...but at the same time it can also come off as rude to post the same intro in multiple threads and then basically do the online equivalent of yelling at them when you don't like what was said, regardless of the initial posters intention.

I mean not trying to be mean or offensive or anything...but like all of us here by now already knew you grew up in the 'vile' bible belt and things you were told by your family are not helpful ect. And well quite frankly you don't need to put that intro in every single thread you post...all of us here already got the gist about it so you don't need to keep repeating in every thread how you grew up in the bible belt...we already know by now trust me. So for instance is it necessary to talk about the bible belt and how you grew up in it and it skewed you perspective in every single thread or comment you post? LIke a lot of us have been here a while, we know your situation so you don't need to keep explaining it over and over and over to us. We get it you grew up in the bible belt, various people have suggested you make efforts to move to the Austin Texas area since you feel you may make better connections there.

I agree like you should look towards either moving to austin or at least a slightly better town than you are in now. But you do not need to start every thread with I don't have a girlfriend and I live in the bible belt sorry...its just we already know all about it a 100 times over by now.

Well that is how it can go...you'll get ghosted an you'll get flakey excuses as why people don't want to meet. Not saying its so easy as making a profile and then the date requests flow. you have to keep adjusting your profile and go back and review it things on it seen detrimental. But you also don't want to be totally fake, like you want to put the best version of yourself out there and try to emulate that. Easier said than done but it does help if you can at least be real sometimes. Unlike Avril Lavigne with her skater boy fantasy or whatever. Just looking back that is such a dumb song...like I don't think she ever actually got with a 'skater boy' and was able to laugh at her friends who 'missed out on him'. Just cause her more recent song where she sounds like a stalker. LIke the lyrics consist of her bitching about how some guy she liked went for a more feminine women who wears high heels. Like her dumb lyrics are like 'I wear sneakers, she wears high heels, obviously I am the right one for you and you should just throw your current gf away and go for me. but then the way she sings me for that part is like a pig squeal. Like you belong with me-ee-ee-ee and its like wow when did avril go total pig squeal country.

*edit I guess it Taylor Swift responsible for the horriffic me-ee-ee-ee song. But basically Avril is Taylor swift if she was attempting punk type music.

The longest I tried was for nearly a whole summer. It was an extremely frustrating and disappointing experience to the point it’s left me with a permanent burning sensation psychologically whenever I try any sort of potential online meeting app.

I can’t wait another five years. I will be 37 and even worse than I am now if things do not get better for me.

I’ll never know and that brings up another problem for me. The number of single women feels very low in my area and I’ve fallen very far behind. My current worst detractor here even said I should get used to celibacy even though he’s in a relationship himself. I have no problem telling him to shut the f**k up.

Why do you think it’s unfair and that my current situation doesn’t make getting a relationship impossible? I wish I could get away from my mother. If I met a potential girlfriend, I would try to figure out how to establish the relationship.

If she shared interests with me, I don’t think there would be any obstacles in spending time together. I’ve seen couples check out manga or comics together as well as attend the same music shows and there are gamer couples. I am very envious of those people and it devours me internally how the likelihood for me to have the same feels nonexistent.

The women my mother wanted me to date were very religious as well as avoidant of nearly anything that was considered inappropriate for women to do. I am not attracted to “churchy” women.

Last edited by Marknis on 01 Mar 2020, 7:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.

^^ Living with your mother is a liability - women don't like to intrude on each other's arrangements. If you look interesting and unattached, you can change your whole approach; just watching for signs of interest, and letting her tell you what works for her in a relationship.