First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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Eggshells
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16 Aug 2011, 9:34 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
OK, I have got a question for the NTs. I have lived in the same place since 2006. My landlord has a real problem with making eye contact with me the few times when I need to speak to him, or him to me about matters pertaining to rental. He does not have this problem with any of the other tenants. I hear him talking casually to them, and have observed him making eye contact. Since I am an Aspie, it usually is myself who is having trouble with this, so I find this unsettling. I once described my landlord's behavior to my fiance. I said that his reaction to my presence would be better suited if I were walking around buck naked.

I truly dread when I have to talk to him, and usually e-mail if I need something fixed or if I have a question. His discomfort causes me discomfort! Does anyone have any idea at all why I make him so uncomfortable?


Hum. Could be something Aspie-related or something else entirely. If Aspie-related, he might just thing "it's a form of autism" and have confused/weird ideas on what your capable of and stuff. OR...

It might just be incidental to your having Aspergers. Honestly, I'm 15 and when guys talk to me and can't make eye contact, I think 'maybe he's shy but likes me?' So maybe he's attracted to you. Even if he's old or married, he might be attracted and that's WHY he doesn't make eye contact/act friendlier. Or, not saying this to be mean, but maybe he just doesn't like you, so he doesn't want to "connect". Maybe he's interperated some Aspie trait as hostility or aloofness from you, or just has his own reasons. Maybe it's not really you at all, maybe you remind him of someone he disliked or has bad memory of. These things aren't real logical. It could be something as minor as your voice reminding him of an ex or something petty like that. There's no way of knowing. This kind of thing is ALL just guesswork, whether you have Aspergers or not! So long as he's civil enough, I wouldn't worry about it. Don't take it to heart. He's unfriendly or whatever, his loss, move on.



xpikch3rxframex
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17 Aug 2011, 5:03 am

lavi wrote:
My question goes for the adults on the spectrum...
I used to work with a little girl diagnosed with Autism who has a hard time keeping her clothes on; mainly she insists on having her bottom uncovered( she tries to pull down her pants and diaper), and because of this she has to wear a belt for most of the time. Even at night, after she goes to bed parents often find her naked.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?


Hey, I'm NT, but my little sister is an aspie and went through a long "I hate clothes" phase. I believe it's typical for ASD people to be touch-aversive, and that could include disliking the texture of clothing. I heard once that it's especially common for girls with ASD, but I don't know for certain if that's true.

My sister eventually either outgrew it or got used to it. The girl you're talking about might get used to it, too. (Hopefully, she does, because... well... otherwise she might get hurt, I'll just put it that way.)


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My name is Valerie. I am neurotypical. I have a sister (11) with Asperger's and a brother (20) who has been described as both "severely autistic" and "mentally ret*d."


hartzofspace
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17 Aug 2011, 12:03 pm

Eggshells wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
OK, I have got a question for the NTs. I have lived in the same place since 2006. My landlord has a real problem with making eye contact with me the few times when I need to speak to him, or him to me about matters pertaining to rental. He does not have this problem with any of the other tenants. I hear him talking casually to them, and have observed him making eye contact. Since I am an Aspie, it usually is myself who is having trouble with this, so I find this unsettling. I once described my landlord's behavior to my fiance. I said that his reaction to my presence would be better suited if I were walking around buck naked.

I truly dread when I have to talk to him, and usually e-mail if I need something fixed or if I have a question. His discomfort causes me discomfort! Does anyone have any idea at all why I make him so uncomfortable?


Hum. Could be something Aspie-related or something else entirely. If Aspie-related, he might just thing "it's a form of autism" and have confused/weird ideas on what your capable of and stuff. OR...

It might just be incidental to your having Aspergers. Honestly, I'm 15 and when guys talk to me and can't make eye contact, I think 'maybe he's shy but likes me?' So maybe he's attracted to you. Even if he's old or married, he might be attracted and that's WHY he doesn't make eye contact/act friendlier. Or, not saying this to be mean, but maybe he just doesn't like you, so he doesn't want to "connect". Maybe he's interperated some Aspie trait as hostility or aloofness from you, or just has his own reasons. Maybe it's not really you at all, maybe you remind him of someone he disliked or has bad memory of. These things aren't real logical. It could be something as minor as your voice reminding him of an ex or something petty like that. There's no way of knowing. This kind of thing is ALL just guesswork, whether you have Aspergers or not! So long as he's civil enough, I wouldn't worry about it. Don't take it to heart. He's unfriendly or whatever, his loss, move on.

You're right, I should just move on. But my mind is a constantly hungry, huge database; always gathering and sorting. I guess I will move on to something more worthwhile! :)


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lavi
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17 Aug 2011, 2:30 pm

Thank you for your feedback, xpikch3rxframex :)



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17 Aug 2011, 7:48 pm

xpikch3rxframex wrote:
lavi wrote:
My question goes for the adults on the spectrum...
I used to work with a little girl diagnosed with Autism who has a hard time keeping her clothes on; mainly she insists on having her bottom uncovered( she tries to pull down her pants and diaper), and because of this she has to wear a belt for most of the time. Even at night, after she goes to bed parents often find her naked.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?


Hey, I'm NT, but my little sister is an aspie and went through a long "I hate clothes" phase. I believe it's typical for ASD people to be touch-aversive, and that could include disliking the texture of clothing. I heard once that it's especially common for girls with ASD, but I don't know for certain if that's true.

My sister eventually either outgrew it or got used to it. The girl you're talking about might get used to it, too. (Hopefully, she does, because... well... otherwise she might get hurt, I'll just put it that way.)

My little brother used to strip and run through the house naked until someone captured him and put clothing on him. :lol:


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xemnasfan
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23 Aug 2011, 11:40 am

i have a question, it might be difficult for me to explain or for someone to answer.

but i have to know what does it feel like to have empathy?

i can't grasp the concept to save my life.



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23 Aug 2011, 5:15 pm

xemnasfan wrote:
but i have to know what does it feel like to have empathy?


Its like feeling ___________ (fill in the blank with an emotion) on behalf of somebody else. So it really doesn't feel any different than the feelings you already have. For example, if your pet passes away, you might feel sad. Empathy is, when your friend's pet passes away...you feel sad even though you may not know or even like your friend's (former) pet...you feel sad because you are witnessing your friend going through an experience you have already gone through or can imagine going through. Its like..."yeah I know how that feels."



mntn13
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23 Aug 2011, 6:03 pm

Why does a huge compliment feel frightening and make me want to run the other direction.



wayne_da_doctor
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24 Aug 2011, 1:38 pm

i feel that way to sometimes im also unsure why i want to gun it out of the room when complicmented



Mayel
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24 Aug 2011, 11:35 pm

lavi wrote:
My question goes for the adults on the spectrum...
I used to work with a little girl diagnosed with Autism who has a hard time keeping her clothes on; mainly she insists on having her bottom uncovered( she tries to pull down her pants and diaper), and because of this she has to wear a belt for most of the time. Even at night, after she goes to bed parents often find her naked.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I did that when I was a toddler but my parents just let me run around like that because they didn't want me to get upset.
I remember that as a little child (not toddler), I didn't like a lot of clothes' texture. The sound of the fibers in motion but also just the pressure felt on toes, fingers, my head or my neck....I didn't like it. My parents had a little hard time putting me some clothes on, especially winter clothes which I didn't wear until I was about 19.....now I don't mind them.



xemnasfan
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24 Aug 2011, 11:43 pm

DenvrDave wrote:
xemnasfan wrote:
but i have to know what does it feel like to have empathy?


Its like feeling ___________ (fill in the blank with an emotion) on behalf of somebody else. So it really doesn't feel any different than the feelings you already have. For example, if your pet passes away, you might feel sad. Empathy is, when your friend's pet passes away...you feel sad even though you may not know or even like your friend's (former) pet...you feel sad because you are witnessing your friend going through an experience you have already gone through or can imagine going through. Its like..."yeah I know how that feels."


i don't think i've ever felt that, i have a hard time feeling emotion in any form besides anger and rage, but a long time ago my friend told me her dog was killed or died or something, back then i felt her pain. but it seems like as i get older my emotions feel like they are being suppressed like a have no emotion at all.

so i used to know what it felt like but by now i have forgotten.

but i guess i can understand that, it's like an understanding.



mntn13
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25 Aug 2011, 7:37 pm

AshleyT wrote:
Currently compiling these into a list of Questions and (multiple)Answers if anyone is interested?

yes, I think it would be really helpful. where will it be



bluecountry
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29 Aug 2011, 12:55 pm

can a high functioning AS person find work?



wigglyspider
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29 Aug 2011, 9:29 pm

bluecountry wrote:
can a high functioning AS person find work?

Yes! I work in a clinic and another AS lady works there too. I am a technician and she is in charge of all the inventory.


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gilmour11
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30 Aug 2011, 10:14 am

[quote="MONKEY"]Oooh this looks fun.
A question to NTs:
do you notice even the mildest of aspies, do they seem not right to you even if they're really subtle???[/quote

IT DEPENDS ON HOW WELL THE PERSON HAS LEARNED TO IMITATE, EVEN MASTER SOCIAL BEHAVIORS FROM OTHERS AND WHETHER OR NOT THEY EVEN HAVE A STRONG NEED TO MASK THEIR ASPIE TRAITS. SOME INDIVIDUALS WITH "AS" SEEM TO EMBRACE THEMSELVES COMPLETELY, AND READILY REJECT TAKING ON MANNERISMS OR AFFECTATIONS THAT WOULD MAKE THEM BLEND IN TO THE NT WORLD, WHILE OTHERS FEEL PRESSURE TO PUT FORTH THE EFFORT TO MIMMICK NT BEHAVIORS SO THEY MIGHT AVOID LABELS OR BEING SOCIALLY OSTRACIZED.

HAVING SAID THAT, I HAVE TO ADMIT, I HAVE KNOWN A MAN FOR 25 YEARS AND IT WASN'T UNTIL RECENTLY THAT I REALIZED HE HAS ASPERGERS. I AM VERY OBSERVANT BUT I BELIEVED HE WAS JUST QUIRKY AND NEEDED TO CONTROL HIS SURROUNDINGS BECAUSE HE WAS SO SHY AND FELT UNEASY IN SOCIAL SETTINGS. IF YOU BEGIN TO OBSERVE WITH THE ASSUMPTION THAT THE PERSON HAS "AS" THEN YOU DO BEGIN TO SEE CERTAIN SIGNS WITH GREATER CLARITY. IF YOU DON'T SUSPECT "AS" THEN IT CAN BE EASY TO OVERLOOK A LOT OF "AS" BEHAVIORS AS JUST A UNIQUE SHYNESS OR QUIRKINESS. IT'S SO HARD TO ASSUME THAT THE MOST SUBTLE ASPIE TRAITS CAN BE EASILY SPOTTED BY OTHERS BECAUSE IT DEPENDS ON HOW OBSERVANT THE NT PERSON IS AND HOW MUCH THEY ALREADY KNOW ABOUT "AS". SOMETIMES "AS" CHARACTERISTICS CAN BE SO SUBTLE THEY CAN BE NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DETECT. THE OBSERVATION ON THE PART OF THE NT PERSON VS. THE EXTENT OF HOW MUCH THE ASPIE TRAITS PRESENT THEMSELVES ALL DETERMINE IF THE "AS" IS DETECTABLE TO THE WORLD AT LARGE. I HOPE THIS HELPS YOU SOME.



gilmour11
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30 Aug 2011, 11:15 am

Gerhardt wrote:
This is a question for NT's, generally young women NT's but anyone can answer:

What would the best way for an Aspie to tell you that he has Aspergers? A lot of times I meet NT women that are nice and all but they misinterpret my cold gaze and lack of social congruency as stand offish and insecure, and thus refuse to date me. I feel if they know I have aspergers they'll be more prone to understanding how I work and seeing my true colors. I've told some women that I have Aspergers directly but it ends up making things even more awkward.


TRY TO BRING IT UP WHEN YOU ARE ABLE TO FIND A MOMENT THAT WILL ALLOW YOU TO TALK INDEPTH ABOUT THE SUBJECT IF YOU BOTH WISH TO DO SO. HOPEFULLY YOU CAN FIND A TIME THAT THE SUBJECT NATURALLY EVOLVES INTO THE CONVERSATION. IF YOU JUST ANNOUNCE IT SUDDENLY, IT COULD MAKE YOU FEEL AWKWARD AND IT COULD PREVENT YOU FROM GIVING IT THE PROPER AMOUNT OF TIME AND UNDERSTANDING THIS KIND OF NEWS DESERVES. I THINK BEFORE YOU PUT A NAME ON IT YOU COULD BEGIN EXPLAINING TO HER THAT YOU RECEIVE INFORMATION AND EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS IN A UNIQUE WAY THAT MAY NOT BE WHAT IS TYPICAL TO HER. TELL HER THAT THERE MAY BE TIMES WHEN YOUR ACTIONS MAY NOT REVEAL THE DEPTH OF YOUR FEELINGS FOR HER BUT IT ISN'T A DIRECT REFLECTION OF HOW YOU REALLY FEEL. IF YOU CAN MANAGE TO COMMUNICATE WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE YOUR MIND IT WILL HELP HER TO KNOW HOW TO HANDLE OR PERCEIVE THINGS MORE CONSTRUCTIVELY AS THINGS MOVE FORWARD. ACTIONS ARE SO IMPORTANT TO SHOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT SOMEONE BUT WHEN YOU CAN'T DEMONSTRATE WITH ACTIONS THEN TALKING IS A MUST. TAKE YOUR TIME AND THINK IT THROUGH FIRST BEFORE BRINGING IT UP. IF YOUR ARE PREPARED WITH HOW TO START EXPLAINING ASPERGERS IT WILL LAY A BETTER FOUNDATION TO START UP A CONVERSATION. CLEAR EXPLANATIONS IN THE BEGINNING CAN MAKE A LOT OF DIFFERENCE AND A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP BECOMES MORE LIKELY.