Which have it harder? Male Aspies or female Aspies?

Post Reply New Topic

I say that we go for another 10 pages. I'm interested in reading the opinion of some of the newer members as well.

So true, Hyperlexian.

My bias is toward the female because I am, and I also think in many cultures males are treated better and valued more and likewise think men have it easier whether they are on the spectrum or not.

Still depends very much on the person.

There are Aspie women who still feel like women and really want to fit in with NT girls, get married, do "girl things".

There are Aspie men who also want the things they see other men with. Girlfriends, wives, maybe children.

I won't try to answer as an Aspie but SERIOUSLY, having the traits that I do have and the way that they've manifested have been beneficial to me in some ways, especially as a woman.

-I make all of my important decisions without running them by anyone first.
-I have total control over my own life, put 100% of my focus on whatever I want to nearly all of the time,
-I never feel like I need to explain myself to anyone.
-I do whatever I want (within MORAL standards lol)and I never feel bad about it.
-I never feel like I owe anybody anything.

Not trying to sound like a hardass at all, the downside to all of this is that I do go through periods of being totally friendless and alone due to the fact that I'm not naturally inclined to socialize, but this leaves me with OODLES of time to work on self-advancement. I choose to use my time for that purpose rather than wallowing or self-destruction.

I know all Aspie women aren't this way, but I see so many NT women basically held hostage by their own emotions and not having much freedom in the areas I listed above, as lonely as I do sometimes feel when I step back and take a look at my life, I could NEVER give up the freedoms I have.

Look, men are ''allowed'' to act a bit odd more than women. I often see boys with a stooped posture and doesn't seem to make them stand out, whereas a girl has to walk up straight, they seem to look weirder if they are walking around like that.

And women have to make more effort. I know a man who has long, thick, greasy hair and dirty clothes and has a big beer belly, but nobody judges him or looks at him funny or anything. But I bet if I walked around with greasy hair and dirty clothes and a fat figure, I would most probably be shamed and people would tease me and girls would look upon me. I know it.

Just men seem to get away with more. Men have less expectations than women do. I've just got my hair styled and I'm starting to wear a bit of make-up, and ever since, I've had more respect from people, looked a bit older, and stopped being a victim all the time, and even teenagers have walked by and not mocked me, and when I give CVs around, I get a polite reply back, and less girls look at me funny in fashion shops too. So now I've got to add some new tasks to my routine (which is difficult when you suffer with executive dysfunction), and if it were upto me, I would be happy only washing my hair once a week, not wearing any make-up, just tying my hair back, and wearing tracksuit bottoms and scruffy trainers. But I want to get better respect from people, so I have to make that much effort with myself in order to get it. Men, on the other hand, don't have to shave their legs or armpits, and although it's not that nice to go out looking skanky they still don't seem to get judged in the way a skanky woman would, and they can shave their head if they want and won't get shamed if they choose to grow a beard, and they don't have to wear any make-up to get respect from other people.....

Men do have to make an effort, but women have to make twice the effort. Women just seem to get judged in a different way, and get more pressure. So you can imagine how hard it is for Aspie women. Plus (NOT SURE IF THIS IS TRUE OR NOT SO DON'T GO THINKING I'M SOME SORT OF a***hole) but female Aspies tend to be more aware of the social world more than a male Aspie might. Women have more of a social trait in them anyway, and I think SOME female Aspies can develop the social trait too, whereas a male Aspie seems to be more able to focus on a clever interest. I'm not into science or maths or other things like that - I'm more into socialising, although I'm no good at it so I just spend all my life being miserable. I'm only averagely intelligent, my social IQ seems to be higher than my intellectual IQ but that doesn't mean my social skills are at the normal standards.

I personally think that the differences are not all that great. I think that the largest difference is, for obvious reasons, in terms of relationships. I think that aspie men have a much more difficult time actually getting into a relationship (since they have to approach women and that requires pretty good social skills), but I also think that aspie women probably have a more difficult time once in a relationship, or getting into a good and healthy relationship (since they have a hard time reading the intentions of men who approach them, and women are often expected to communicate more in a relationship). Other than that, I think that the issues faced by both sides are really not all that different.

In response to the post saying that men can "get away with more" I don't think that's true in the least. It is just as much of a requirement for a man to appear presentable and have proper social skills as it is for a woman. If I see someone who is, as you say, wearing dirty, greasy clothes with a beer belly, my perception of them certainly won't change based on gender lol. I do think that women pressure themselves more than men though to appear presentable. I've known plenty of women who'll spend hours putting on makeup when honestly they look perfectly fine without it, and it really doesn't make much of a noticeable difference at all lol.