WHERE have all the Adults gone???

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Your therapist is right. Neurological structure and eye color tend to evolve in a person, with time, to their desired ones. By adulthood, we all have violet eyes like Liz Taylor and are NT.

(editing to add that I'm being sarcastic)

Ok, gotcha.
Crap. I'm now an adult and under-evolved.

My eyes are shaped like Bette Davis'. Does that count????

That's great.

Holy s**t kiryang, yeah. You just hit the panic button of my primary issues dealing with AS in the real world. That's primary reason why I don't like exercising much. I hate feeling sweaty, all prickly, gross feeling, hate it. All the things that are supposed to help aren't always equitable in terms of sensory issues. I worked in a stockroom and every now and then I couldn't touch cardboard and we had no gloves for freight handling, maddening!

I want to be clearly honest here. Sometimes I cannot take showers because the water bothers me so much in the shower and I don't have a bathtub and definitely prefer swimming for exercise, but no where near a pool.

I loved your bit of conjecture on the holistic route. Its so silly the things they prescribe to help us and yet when you live alone you only have yourself to keep you on track. The very things that would help you manage your symptoms is the very thing you are not well-equipped to deal with. If someone made an application on the iPad or smartphone for people with ASD and executive-functioning issues I'd really like to know. I need someone constantly prodding my chest to keep on track - need accountability - a cattle prod might do the trick. Someone mentioned above the "dog paddle". Warning incoming metaphor: what happens when you're dog paddling and you can't find a ledge to hold onto? You either sink or you bob with your head back to stay on top of things. I usually sink.

The more obligations pile up, the more stress I get, and the harder it is to take care of my physical needs. I know its bad when I find myself surviving off of coffee and protein bars. When I'm around a lot of people that aren't my close family I have a tendency to smoke tobacco, thinking about getting an E-Cigarette. So yes I do self-medicate and received extensive support from my parents before I found out I had ASD. I struggled a lot but managed to find some inspiring people that helped me along until I at least received my AA and transferred to University, wherein I lost contact with all of them and lost momentum. I am now on disability for 3 years. I thought I had things figured out but I'm even more lost now.

I've ONLY had all that you've described for a brief period in my life that lasted for about a year between 2007-2008 when I was about 21-22. I had a part-time job at this high end boutique (very flexible hours), brilliant co-workers, low-lows but the highest-highs, perfect balance between work, social, and school. Everything I needed was on the same bus, very fluid. I did so much living, but it was based proximity, and reliance on others for its sustainability. Having AS I have found that the more support systems I have the better I flourish as a person (at the time I wasn't diagnosed with AS, but my parents helped me financially in many ways).

When you start realizing what the real world is about you start to see that there is less and less of relying upon others, because those people have to be relied upon to their jobs so that they can provide for themselves in the future, yet I'm struggling to make sense of the cognitive dissonance that this whole interpersonal thing has me in. Self-reliance becomes almost a stamp of approval. The more that you're involved in life via contact with others, in what you said, "If I do not have relationships - I do not exist," has a layer of truth in it, yet every separation is a link to something unseemly.

I think once you reach your mid-twenties with ASD (in my experience) you start realizing that you're still desiring a close, comradeship with a group of like-minded people, because you've never had it, never in your direct age group when your friends have kinda moved on and see that kind of behavior as needy, immature, because they've already acquired and experienced it in the manner you're searching for - they cannot acquiesce - they already have for themselves in their own circle what it is you're searching for. This has kinda put a stamp on me wherein I am still trying to act and gravitate towards my peers in this manner, but all they can provide me is grabbing a beer or occassionally fitting me in within 'their' circle of friends to play online games like Diablo 3. This is all a manner of perception too. I think they are doing what they are emotionally capable of doing, and yet I want more. Selfish, immature, or desperate?

I'm sure this is common for many in our society, but having never experienced a large circle of friends and acquaintances really makes navigating the world strenuous. I often feel like rotting meat, sorry if that's a bad analogy, because I find people find me interesting like a fly would, sees what there is and then flies away after having had their fill of me. The value of relationships is so valuable and I have found that my closest friends are a couple ten years older than me. Just because you cannot fit into your own peer group doesn't mean that you cannot provide inspiration, energy, levity to older individuals drained of such. I mean the value of perception here is critical and don't feel dishearten to all I've laid out here. I have some good friends that I have made in my life but just like planets are always in motion around a point of gravity, they too have seemed to drift away. Not in an emotional sense, but the proximity of where they live in relationship to me has shifted drastically, whether it be timezone or a void of free time.

This hasn't made me crazy, starved of contact. I grew up alone. What is difficult is having had a brief moment where I felt connected to everything, 2007-2009 suddenly evaporate in front of my eyes, something I'm still dealing with. I have no regrets though, because I knew from a vantage point of having nothing socially/emotionally, how precious everything that was happening around me was.

Last edited by Antreus on 02 Jul 2012, 4:05 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Yep. That pretty much sums it up. get'um roflol

This may have been the best moment from this thread. Anyone else catch the irony that the sarcasm had to be qualified to a bunch of adult aspies in a comment about growing out of aspiness. Brilliant moment, truly brilliant.

On many levels.

To clarify again - I was being sarcastic at the Psychology profession's understanding of AS, not at Aspies of course.

Last edited by Moondust on 03 Jul 2012, 3:44 am, edited 2 times in total.

I saw my prescription writer today and it's pretty much confirmed that that's what his job is, to sit and write out prescriptions all day. No answers on where they keep the other local aspies or much on any programs besides socialization.
I did get in with a therapist though, in the end I still ended up having my mom go in and flatten the Dr with all the ways I disrupt the rest of the family. A therapist is a good start though; as long as I can remember to write down things and bring them to her. I'm starting to feel optimistic about at least being able to mesh at home, and I've been informed that I'm not stuck with someone that isn't helping me so that's good

I'll see in 3 weeks whether I'm a step closer to getting an actual Dx

I take supplements for Fibromyalgia that also might be indirectly helping me in the Asperger's department, such as 5-HTP.

My girlfriend is my buffer, support, and rock, my interpreter (if I understand that term correctly in this context) and explainer, and a likely fellow spectrumite (though, as I've noted in other threads, not likely to get assessed). We have some things in common and some differences in strengths, and this has mostly served us well over the last nearly dozen years.

The folks I know in the SCA, especially the belly dancing and Middle Eastern music group I lead, are also a great support. (The SCA probably has lots of spectrumites in it, two of which I know are open about it besides - possibly - me. In fact, we have unusual people of all sorts.)

I'm on SSI and Social Security, because I had limited work history in my early adulthood.

Although exercise generally doesn't feel good to me, because of my fibromyalgia, I manage my exercise and food as best I can for health in general, as well as to keep my fibromyalgia from dragging me too far down. *Having* exercised feels very good! Living with my girlfriend helps me, because we support each other's good habits. Sometimes we're both doing poorly or well, but often one of us is okay when the other's down, so we take care of each other and make sure we eat at least something decent and keep at least somewhat active. But sometimes convenience foods must suffice, and we have more meals apart than together, because she works. Also, sometimes we eat together but have different things. As for exercise, sometimes I'm too fatigued or it's too much for my schedule or my mind to manage it on top of everything else.

I can sometimes do a wash at the bathroom sink when I need to bathe but cannot tolerate or manage a shower for some reason. Being clean is very helpful, as feeling dirty or like I don't smell good really bothers me physically and brings me down psychologically.

I cannot tolerate the low dose prescription medications for fibromyalgia, let alone the higher doses that would be given for psychological reasons. I don't usually have anything to say publicly to most people about other substances, except to express that I think good medicine should be recognized as such and be legal.

I try to do it completely holistically (I am trying to do away with the occasional chocolate and kava). I eat ridicously well, I do exercise every day (although for me it's just fun and I do it willingly, same with the eating). I do well at work, and I do have ties to my local community and manage to maintain some friends (although they are very understanding and accepting of me, so I am lucky in that regard).

I should note though, that I try to act NT where I deem it necessary, but I don't try to do it all the time. It's 50/50 at the moment about how much I act. But trying to make an allowance by acting a little bit seems to help, as people are more likely to put up with my other eccentricities if I put in an effort.

I can maintain that to a level provided I have ongoing access to my interests - which keep me sane. It does get tiring sometimes, and if people unload their emotional crap on me all at once (like they did a few months ago), then, I have to retreat for a weekend to recover so I don't have a meltdown.

Despite this, I am still, and will always be autistic. The world isn't going to change anytime soon (sadly) and in the meantime I just have to do the best with what I've got.

I'm going back to school soon as well as still working, so that will be added pressure and I'm not sure how well I will do without some aspect of my life suffering. I would like to see services for adults, because even though from the outside I look like I'm doing fine... that isn't always the case behind closed doors. Even having access to strategies or a group of adult austistics who are willing to share their experiences and advice at this point would be extremely beneficial.

Very brilliant. Almost like sparkling violet Liz Taylor eyes.

This thread has made me both laugh and cry.

I've only managed as well as I have because my partner (also probably a spectrumite) and I balance each other well. When one us has been in a crisis situation the other has been able to pick up the responsibilities and carry on. It can get overwhelming for that person though, I'm not sure either of us could cope well long term on our own.

I have a had a couple of situations where I've had a larger group of acquaintances for a short period (both in somewhat artificial college settings).

I also found life much easier when I was in perfect health, but having to manage a minor disability has been tough for me, it's taken up some of my much needed processing slots, making day to day functioning much harder.

My main problem is I have never managed to establish a long term friendship with anyone, except my SO, and both me and my SO are each others only support network. That can get a bit overwhelming for me sometimes.

I've lost count of the number of times where I've read (and had counsellors say) talk about your problems to one of your close friends. When I say, 'but I don't have any and I can't keep laying this on my SO I'll wear him out, and my parents are no help either, and there is no-one else', that really throws them.

A common response has been well make some close friends....and then they struggle to understand how making and retaining more than the only close friend I have - my SO, friends I could turn to in a crisis, has been impossible for me. They just can't understand why it's so hard (and until I found WP neither did I).

So currently I have no wider support structure, I have tried to get one...I'm just not sure how you do this.

Aaaarghh!! (small howl of frustration).

I'm determined to try my best and continue to try and make a good life for myself, but some days I feel like I just don't quite have the energy / capacity to function well (as opposed to just exist) in the modern world.

TalksToCats, in certain ways, you and your partner sound a lot like me and mine. Maybe a different mix of which of us has what going on, but very similar.

I refer to mine as my drug dealer.

That is how it is. I definately agree. Programs and products come into existence when somebody is willing- even eager- to pay for them. Parents of autistic children are an open-pocket market for books and as many services as they can afford. (I am a parent, so I've paid into this.) The tsunami of books about autistic children are bought by parents, thus there are so many of them. I have noticed with both myself and other parents of autistic children that the greatest quantity of books are bought shortly after diagnosis in an attempt to figure out what the parent is supposed to do. Many parents will buy multiple books and read them all quickly.

Eventually those children turn into adults (as the first wave of childhood-diagnosed people have done) but then the parents are burned out on books and the only remaining market is the autistic adults themselves. It doesn't seem to be a huge market, perhaps many autistic adults find the books incorrect or useless (as has been discussed elsewhere here) and so don't buy them. Parents have no way of knowing if a book is incorrect and are unable to evaluate for quite some time if a book is useless. So the market share stays large.

What about services? The governments of many countries have written it into law that all children must be educated. That pushes special ed services. In the US, a refinement and broadening of those services has happened because of the NCLB and IDEA laws. It is likely that many US adults on WP were educated both before Aspergers Syndrome was in the DSM and before those laws existed. Those laws about education coupled with the upsurge in childhood diagnoses means many, many childhood services.

Although many governments have mandated education, which informs childhood services, no government (I could be wrong) has mandated that all adults be employed. Thus the services end instantly. The government is no longer paying for them because it is no longer legally responsible for the adults. The government has taken on the minor responsibility of sort of paying for some living expenses of disabled people but that is definately on a sliding scale of ability. There is much discussion here of how difficult it can be to convince anyone in disability departments that you need this help and qualify for it. If there were a law mandating that all adults be employed- as all children must legally be educated- the quantity of services would explode. But there is no such law and so it remains a modest trickle.

The other source of payment for services is insurance companies. They will, to some extent, pay for mental health services. But mental health services is all they will pay for (they won't help you find a job or help you succeed at it) and even there the quality and quantity of those services is decided by what insurance coverage you have.

Charities don't really count as a source of services. They may provide some here and there but I think much of that money goes to "awareness"- an attempt to educate NT people about AS people with mixed results. Some money also goes to research. Little goes to services (that I have read about).

So it's all about money. If you want a service, it has to either be paid for by the government, by insurance companies, or by you. Individuals can't pay for much in the way of services (many services that parents pay for are very limited and merely an augmentation to school provided services). Insurance companies won't if nobody makes them. And governments won't if nobody passes laws requiring it.

So now what? I don't know. I have a stake in this, as any parent of AS kids does, because I know the services will end at highschool graduation unless I can convince the government that my daughter qualifies for disability. At that point, there are 3 choices:

1)she supports herself

2)she is supported by myself and her dad (which has an automatic time limit of our own ability to do it)

3)the government supports her via disability

To this end, I try to get her as many services as I can while the government is till paying for it. In the hopes that she will be able to support herself or barring that, the long, long record of services will help her qualify for disability. Lots of parents are doing the exact same thing, which drives the services for children.

In the larger scope- which can also be done by adults here and probably is by some- I also pester charities to provide adult services (with negligable results, as others have found) and vote for any candidate based largely on their record on disability spending.