Why don't people with aspergers look people in the eye?

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I could relate, especially since I tend to pretend to be an extrovert because I've been pretending to be someone for so long that I can't be myself and I can't find myself.

It's gotten much easier for me compared to how it was because of my psychologist. I still don't look anyone in the eye 24/7 but it's easier.

I used to get dizzy and feel very uncomfortable. Now it just feels a little strange and distracts me from the conversation.

This topic brings back bad memories of when I overheard two occupational therapists saying that I appeared to have Asperger's syndrome because of my inability to look at people in the eye. As a result, my mind reacted by causing me to have a stiff neck. That was irrational, but it happened.

I don't look people in the eye because when I do,I cannot understand what they are saying.

I'm laughing because I had to talk to my new boss this week after a meeting and we were standing pretty close and for the life of me I was having a hard time looking her in the eyes! During the conversation I was thinking "crap, I need to look her in the eyes more, but when I do I can't think of what I'm saying". Wth. I'm starting to act Aspie!

If you were to do that in Japan, you would be considered extremely polite and proper. Looking a superior in the eyes in that culture is considered very rude and disrespectful. I read a bit about this just recently. Japanese school children are taught to look at the person's neck or collar when they learn etiquette. So, NT people might pick up the "rules" easier than autistic people, but it's still something that they have to learn, even if they do it without realising. Seems that there isn't really a completely "normal" way that NT people are born with, like much of the stuff about autism seems to imply very often.

In my opinion this is why lack of ability to make eye is a part of autism that while a significent disadvantage in American life is not wrong and is not a disability in the the way disability is usually thought of.

I understand eye contact by studying different cultures and trying to learn how to 'read' people.
Some cultures can read the eye's like an open book. I think it's also a built in mechanism for most people, driven to different degrees in cultural settings. Just like personal space can be a cultural thing.

For me, it's uncomfortable and distracting. I can get lost in trying to decipher the verbal, visual and outside stimuli. And as Auntblabby mentioned, I tend to get into that 'locked on and staring right through them.' And, when I'm locked on, I notice that they do not hold it, they will break the gaze every now and then. BUt for me, it's lock on or not at all.

I look at the sidewalk when I'm out, only looking up for navigation cues. On the trains, I'm trying to find a space I can look at without looking at faces. And, I love faces as an observer. But that can get you in trouble on the subway, so safer to just avoid it completely.

I'm ok as an observer. But, interacting with another is crazy for me.

I was asked how I teach with such issues. Simple. The room is dark many times. I will pace many times when I teach because I don't have to look at my screen. When doing a demonstration, the focus is on that alone with a constant stream of information. When asked questions, I can hardly see faces and usually look at somewhere else on the face, but it is not conversational and easier because I'm not trying to listen to long threads of talk. Or I am behind them looking over their shoulders to see what they are talking about.

I've learned a few things with body language over the years such as touching a person on the shoulder when you compliment them or validate their situation at any point. But it's a science to me. Touch here and only here, towards the back, near a shoulder blade, make it quick, do it consistently with all students so nobody is singled out. It's a science in the classroom that falls apart as soon as I walk out.

But, even that makes me uncomfortable because I don't want someone doing that with me. All that unwanted touching and closure of personal space......but, I have to do it or become Ben Stein....
Bueller...Bueller...Bueller.....

I find eye-contact to be too intimate for my liking.

People in general don't look each other in the eye much.

I avoid it in passing, unless I'm talking to people, just because it makes a visceral and perceptually agendified connection as if you'd reach out and touched them with intent to do something to or with them. If they don't know you they probably don't want it and they'll quite often show it too.

I find eye contact to intimidating.

I have some difficulty for a few reasons.

One is my strabismus, my eyes don't always track together.

Two is nervousness & the feeling of being looked through & seeing my faults though my eyes.

Three is I have a tendency to stare due to my strabismus as trying to keep my eyes tracking together takes some energy after I figured out exercises to make it so I could get them to track together.

Four is previous to developing these exercises I had a lot of questions as to where I was looking from other people which made me self conscious & I definately avoided eye contact due to this.

I rarely make eye contact. Yesterday I decided to experiment with my that is. I was doing some group work in a class and this girl was talking to me. I looked her in the eye noting how unnatural and strange it felt, missing half of what she said. I also noticed how she briefly looked away periodically, and I started to try to mimic that but eventually I just gave up and looked away from her eyes like I would normally do.

Because it hurts sometimes.

For a more extensive post, read my blogpost on this topic:

Eye Contact