Optimism and Reality: Goldfish21 Response to me

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There are no diagnostic criteria to determine one's potential FFS. Only YOU know if you've truly given it your all. Thing is, MOST PEOPLE think & believe their potential is lesser than it truly is, and so don't even Try to do things they may be capable of achieving. That's the sad reality. I'm faced with this at times when I think something is beyond my skill level, someone else says I can do it, so I try it & get it done. Other times I've thought I ran my hardest, but it wasn't until I went running with a friend who's a better runner that I surprised myself being able to nearly keep up with him - surprised him, too.

If you gave it 100%, then you gave it 100%. Who cares if someone else thinks you ought to have been able to do better?

If I get as much as I humanly can done in a day, workout harder, keep on top of my investments, get my work done well & fast etc etc and am exhausted from it all by the end of the day I KNOW I've done my best. If I sit around reading WP I know damn well I haven't given my day 100% effort. Very simple.

Again, I think it's a terrible idea to fill a child's head with generalized statistics of others' mediocrity instead of encouraging them to fulfill their own potential to the best of their ability. It's an as*hole move & tantamount to psychological abuse, IMO, and I HOPE that children being raised by parents telling them they shouldn't bother trying things because what's the point others haven't achieved them so you're not likely to either, rise to the challenge & oppose their parents, tell them to f**k off with their statistics, and go forth and do whatever it is their little hearts desire to accomplish in this life.

cubedemon6073:

I'm gay, autistic, and part Native* - if I lived my life according to general statistics I'd have killed myself 3 times already.

My point is that while statistics have value for certain things, allowing them to rule over your entire life is extremely limiting & harmful. People need to just live their lives, not research statistics to the nth degree in order to justify not trying or achieving things because they're statistically unlikely to do abc or xyz. It's statistically improbable that I'd have done MANY things in life that I already have, and statistics be damned I'm gonna do a LOT more things in this life. You can have your statistics; I choose living instead.

*According to verbal family history/my sister's research.

Times When it's Good to Give Up:

*Three card Monty.

*You keep going over to your ex's place to try to win them back, but they have a restraining order against you.

*You're in Vegas and have gambled away all your savings. Then, you sold your car to win the money back. Hell, win it back 3 times over! When that was gone you sold your apartment to win all the losses back -- 5 times over!...

*Shooting heroin. You think you're not going to OD or get addicted like all those other losers. And if you do get addicted it'll be easy to stop because you don't focus on the negative.

*You have a birth complication such that having another baby will likely kill you and leave your 2 already-existing kids motherless.

It isn't just stats and achieving. It's also about understanding why certain outcomes occur. Why does b or occur instead of a. Our society says says our circumstances are due to the choices we make. If I had info such as this, an understanding of the IT industry itself, an understanding of critical thinking (i.e. necessary vs sufficient condition) and economics (especially supply and demand) I certainly would not have been wracking my brains out trying to zig when I should have zagged or possibly if I could have zagged at all. I may have went into a differing field or went blue collar like becoming a plumber or consider that our society is a crap shoot, claimed SSDI, welfare, section 8 housing and continued to work at Kroger and not even think about going to college or trade school especially since there is such thing as being overqualified (in other words if one goes up one can't really go back down if one can't find a job at his level).

All I was told for most of my life was I can achieve anything if I put my mind to it which is not true. Economics and inherent ability are factors as well and even with inherent ability it is inherent ability in relation with others.

I'm told I'm intelligent as well. But, I'm in competition with those who are just as intelligent and even more so then me and don't have my executive functioning issues.

General statistics just don't work for individuals.

I'll never use them to determine an individual person's potential.

People have made it a cottage industry to "prove mediocrity." In doing so, they have only confirmed their lack of mediocrity.

Merry Christmas.

There is nothing with being realistic. This applies to everyone ASD or NT. Having connections helps a great deal when seeking employment. I had to try much harder and wait longer to get my current job as I am not related to anyone out here or socially connected to the hiring managers. What I worked for free to achieve for awhile, others could slide in with a tenth of my experience because of a close relative...such as a parent. I'm one of a tiny minority of people working there that got the job solely on their qualifications. I must say it feels terrific.

Merry Christmas my friend. Hey man, maybe I'll see the light and prove myself wrong. The tech guy's youtube vids did illuminate something for me. And, that is he didn't seek a career but to have a good time.

Why can't I work at Kroger, be on SSDI and do IT stuff for a good time. I mean I tried to figure out how make a virus scanner go in a few secs using multithreading but I failed cause I was under a faulty assumption. But, I still had fun.

If you want to work at Kroger’s, go for it. Nothing wrong with that.

Like I said, I’m not a go-getter type.

My concern is when people make concessions, and just give up.

Thing is though others set the rules and standards, guard all the doors, have all the keys and make the decisions. In addition, I can be as positive and optimistic as I wish but others are as positive and optimistic as me may be more so. In the end optimism and can-do can get you so far. It is others who decide your fate.

You get what you put in.

This is BS and here is why. You only get what others allow you to have. Others set the rules, make the policies, have the keys and guard all of the doors.

Here is another reason why this phrase is BS. You can only put in what others allow you to put in. Again, Others set the rules, make the policies, have the keys and guard all of the doors.

And, what if more and more ppl realized the same things I've realized? And,they dropped out as well instead of playing someone else's game by someone elses rules they couldn't play by?

I agree Cubedemon.

Let's use ASS-P's situation as an example. Two main things he wishes to do.

a. recover and store certain stuff.

b. go to college.

He's persistent on doing these things to the point of panhandling and f*****g his health further. He has physical ailments as well as mental ones. He's doing the can-do thing and for what? Sometimes, enough is enough.

So, you'd have preferred being raised being told that you're a statistic, and a below mean one at that, and thus you really shouldn't bother trying to anything because you might not achieve it anyways?

As others will say about happiness being about the journey and not the destination sort of thing.. the fun would be in Trying to do things, not necessarily just in achieving them. If you were having fun Trying all along it wouldn't even matter if you didn't eventually achieve X. I know, trying things can be frustrating.. and I used to get a lot more frustrated with things. Now I have a lot more fun Trying to do things and life's better for it. Enjoy the process and it doesn't even ever reeeeeally matter if you reach the goal.

This is BS. All of it.

No one else is setting rules, policies, or guarding doors against you Trying your best. ONLY you can do that to yourself.

This all sounds like a bunch of excuses not to bother trying at all, and that's just kind of sad, really. It's also, most definitely, due to your depressed state of mind that you perceive things so negatively. It verges on paranoia, too, believing the whole world is stacked against you. In a more neutral state of mind you'd realize that others are too busy focusing on them & theirs to be bothered to make an effort to block you from anything, and that the biggest constraint you have from doing _____ is believing you can't, or believing others are preventing you from doing it & that's why you can't etc - not others actually making effort to keep you down. It's all in your perception of things.*

*That's not to say there aren't exceptions where some bully actually has it out for someone. But in general, from your generalized statement of a post, it's your own thoughts on the matter and yourself that constrain you - not others.

Wishing you could do things doesn't get them done. Only taking action does.

From his posts, ASS-P did not make a 100% effort towards his recovery. I'm sure he didn't completely sabotage himself, but he didn't exactly feed himself an ideal diet & get proper exercise and rest etc either. No one is perfect and makes a perfect 100% focused effort all-the-time, but ASS-P seemed to do things that were counterproductive towards his goals of recovering.

As for storing his things, same with his financial decisions over the years. He didn't do the things that would enable him to afford to pay for a surprise expense. Granted, I do believe it's his poor executive functioning vs. entirely his conscious intent to have made financial mistakes, but there's certainly more he could have done to be in a different financial position. Maybe he could have recognized his own shortcomings and had a trusted person save a small amount of money for him regularly? etc. Either way, even though the past is the past and what's done is done, there's surely more that ASS-P could have done in his life to be in a better financial position. I don't pretend to know what his capacity to do so actually is. Maybe he truly DID Try and the result IS his personal best? If so, I commend his efforts despite falling short in the end. Truly.

As for going to college, I get that it's a special interest of his and he's.. a wee bit of a mess due to a lifetime of issues, however, even in the few years I've seen his posts he hasn't posted about Trying ____ or Doing ____ that would possibly move him towards being fit for taking on studies. It would have been very refreshing to read such posts. Instead, from his posts, it seems he wasn't able to do much of anything that would prepare him for college courses. He didn't eat well or exercise or do things that would heal various ailments asap. IF I were ASS-P and my ONE motivation in life was to attend college again, it would fuel me to do all the little daily things that bit by bit would get me ready to register for even just one class. Sure, I'd struggle and life would be hard.. but I'd persevere.. IF I ended up dying before I could take a class, at least I would have Tried my best.

Hell, I have similar long term goals of returning to University. The difference in my approach is that I'm actually going to do damned near everything in my power to do so. Diet, exercise, finances, clearing my mind of procrastinated to-do list things, cleaning up my space etc to give myself the best chance of success. If I make it & achieve my goals over the next decade, wonderful. If I do not, I'll know that I at least Tried my best & couldn't quite make the cut - and that's a-okay to me. I'd hate to look back 35 years from now and wonder "could I have done it?" I'd rather Try and not succeed than not try at all. I'm certainly not going to sit around stating my goal repeatedly and not doing much of anything to actually work towards realizing it, that's for sure.

IF that's truly ASS-P's potential, to just be a dreamer, then that's OK. I just find it difficult to believe that there is Nothing else he could have done for himself that would have moved him, ever so slowly, towards being able to take a class again. Sure, there's always more I could have done for myself, too, when I have the wisdom of hindsight.. but in general, I'm going to do what I Can to move myself forward. Different approach entirely. Guess which one of us has a greater probability of success, statistically speaking? Heh. No, I don't have the stats.. but I guarantee you that my approach will yield better end results And since I'll enjoy the hard work along the way, I'll have a much better time of life - even if I don't end up making it in the end.

I'm confused by this whole thread, and a couple of things concern me:

(1) It's basically a continuation of a locked topic, and now has escalated to calling out another member by name, bringing up personal details, and casting judgment on his situation, which doesn't seem right to me.

(2) In general, what I'm seeing here is someone who is on SSDI, doing his best to find happiness within his circumstances - being repeatedly made to feel like he's choosing this situation. SSDI is not a choice; it's only granted in situations where the person is judged to be unable to work full-time. People on SSDI face enough scorn and contempt in the outside world, and don't need to encounter it here as well.

But I could be wrong about that, in which case I apologize, and will mind my own business.

I will say #1 is false and #2 is true but #2 isn't just about me and my circumstances even though they are part of a greater point I'm making which is we need more critical and logical thinking in our society as a whole not more woo-woo, positive, can-do, optimistic based thinking.

Read Bright-Sided. https://www.amazon.com/Bright-sided-Pos ... 0312658850

And, please contribute more of your thoughts.