Autism and empathy

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I know that the stereotype exists and I'm American.

There's nothing in the diagnostic criteria about lacking empathy, so having empathy does not preclude having autism.

The stereotype does not bother me because I know that I'm an empathetic person; no one has ever suggested otherwise. It doesn't bother me because I don't think it's true. I suspect that many of us may not express our empathy in ways that NTs would, but I think that's okay.

Most people do not know whether someone has autism or not and most people don't know or care much about it anyway, so it's not like this stereotype is creating an us vs. them dynamic. It's not like I'm going around telling people that I'm on the spectrum. People think I'm "shy" and "sweet." However, I generally try not to worry about what others think anymore because it's a waste of energy. What matters is what I think of myself.

Ironically I find it's people who lack empathy who think I do. The one that is the most problematic is my NT sister. Since I am an empath, I'm looking to place emotional boundaries with her so I can have a more Twilightprincess-like experience.

^ It's taken me some time to get here - that's for sure.

Emotional boundaries can certainly help a lot. I definitely have put some in place when it comes to toxic/abusive people that I still have to interact with. They help me objectively analyze and discard putdowns rather than be hurt by them.

Hurtful comments in a more general sense tend to come from a place of ignorance. That helps me not to worry about them or take them seriously.

I wish I didn't care but I do. Having an anxiety disorder I care too much about everything and everyone. My mum (NT but with anxiety disorder) was the same. She was an empath, she went out of her way so much to help others (family, friends and even neighbours) that she had to cut down her hours at work, and she still often said that she didn't have time to go to work! She just cared too much about everything and everyone. But despite that, she still often got paranoid and took a lot of things personally, like thinking people were against her.

Even when she got cancer she still ran around worrying about everyone other than herself. But when the cancer was in its final stages she suddenly didn't care any more, and even started to not care about all the people she used to run around for. Well, she did deep inside but it was too much energy to demonstrate it. I understood though, even though I felt sad that I couldn't talk to my mum properly any more because she just became so emotionally and socially disconnected, I still understood and knew I had to be there for her. Well, it was hard because it was during the stupid covid lockdowns, but I still tried my best to see her when I could. I felt a great deal of empathy for what she was going through. I even helped her decide on which chemotherapy to have, as she was indecisive because of being so frightened, and other people in the family seemed less empathetic and told her to stop making a fuss. But she had cancer, and had valid reasons to fret and fuss, as it was a matter of life and death.

So yes I do have empathy in most situations. I can really put myself in other people's shoes. But there are times when I just can't get my head around something, but that is not down to autism. It is best to just admit "yeah, I don't understand this particular, I cannot empathise".

^ I have a couple of anxiety disorders - PTSD and GAD. Even with those issues, one can still grow and change. Awareness is key.

That situation with your mom must have been extremely difficult.

My mom tends to care way too much what people think. Observing her attitude/behavior helped me change mine. She’s mildly on the spectrum and has PTSD.

I know how varying types of anxiety can seem to affect empathy -- as do pleasure and fear anxiety is called excitement, the worrier type is what I dub as pro-social anxiety.

I had a lot of that in my past life.
It was fun but... It's fricking exhausting.

And it's incompatible with personal pride somehow -- one has to be very open to be an embarrassment for someone's sake and to be 'humble' to a degree, yet it's very compatible with shame as drive -- an alternative to remorse and guilt.

Also, it's somewhat compatible with my truest autistic self. One that isn't tarnished by trauma ideally.
But since the latter happens, it feels very, very awkward.

It's like something fits and something does not fit at the same time.
In terms of irrational wellbeing towards others and dysregulated pro-social aspects, it'll make someone become very evasive.

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You seem to have high expectations of people there KitLily

I actually get put off people when they try and use empathy when I'm talking to them.

I dunno, it just comes off as being a bit fake.

I'm not really bothered if a person doesn't feel what I'm feeling. And I don't have to feel what they feel either. I just don't see it as being all that important.

It's a stupid accusation, really.


If everyone feels and thinks the same way as I do, then everyone is frustrated, violent and angry -- not needing sympathy or a hug.

Just this urge to beat something up and any provocation is an excuse. The world would be a louder and more volatile place.
At best, it's just perception. At worst, a trauma response. Either way, not a fact and not the reality.


If everyone feels and thinks the same way as I do, then everyone would just don't care, drop the whole BS, forego judgment and just have fun.

No.
Either I have to be invisible, level with them in an appropriate manner (whether being civil or duplicitous), or take over the whole room.

I don't need to do that if everyone feels the same way as I do. Nor would end up being out of place.

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