First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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It's all intuition and oportunity.

I think every turn to speak is used to tell one anecdote (one story, one piece of information, one gossip), when someone finish the anecdote, then I can tell mine but trying to relate my anecdote to theirs (example. "Oh, that's similar to what I saw the other day...", "That remembers me...", "Yes, I tried something like that, I remember that one day I tried...").

This is a great topic with so much good information I think it should be a separate forum so topics are not lost. I am learning so much!

Thank you to you both for your replies.
I think I've come across my SO's angry behaviour, he told me "go away" in a very straight forward manner.
I will stay away.

This one is really hard but let me give it a try..
Even for an NT it's sometimes difficult, especially when other people that are talking are dominant types that like to overpower a conversation.

In a 1 on 1 conversation, you can sometimes interrupt out of excitement, but you'd want to keep it very short like "oh! I just thought of something! .. go ahead" so that the other person can finish what they were saying but with the expectation that you also have something to say.

I think generally you'd want to talk one 'paragraph' at a time, and give the other person chance to talk before you do another paragraph - paragraph meaning it has some sort of a beginning- i.e. "I was at the aquarium", a middle - "I saw many different kinds of fish. A purple fish, pink fish, yellow fish." and an end "It was awesome".
Likewise if you want to contribute to the conversation look for an 'ending' in the person's paragraph to jump in. It will usually be some sort of a concluding statement.

In group conversations though, sometimes it's just being louder than the other people that counts!

jamieevren1210:
Don't mind skirts at all. It it's cute I'll wear it.

Kiseki:
Have you ever heard of that saying "the truth hurts"? Well sometimes it does! LOL I guess at least in the NT world. I suppose the way we are wired, even though we know it's the truth, it's still hard to accept. And I agree with Emilyjane, as NT's we like to read between the lines and in some cases the comment does have more than one meaning(especially if coming from another NT-we can be mean spirited). So saying my thighs are big is going to anger me because I'm thinking you're telling me I'm fat.
Every now and then my Aspie will blurt out bits of truth about me and I'll admit it stings a bit but I know it's not coming from a place of evil. He's not trying to hurt me. I never have to wonder what he really thinks. I don't wrack my brain wondering what he thinks of me or anything else.

katwithhat:
It's like tennis sometimes. When the other person stops talking, it's like they are "serving" you the ball. Then you respond and "serve" it back. Sometimes it's not that easy. Especially if one person is super excited and has a lot to say. They may continue to talk without coming up for a breath. Sometimes you just forfeit the game and let them talk! I have friends who will talk over you so that they make sure they get their point out. I just wait for them to finish and then continue. Just wait for the break in the conversation. I do find though if there are a lot of amped up folks trying to talk, there's a good chance I'll be doing more listening than talking. It's just what happens. Either you're going to bully your way in or sit back and listen!

I think this has been answered but I just want to put my opinion in.
I think it hurts us because we already know this is true, but we don't want to be reminded of a perceived flaw. I'm naturally severely underweight, and even though I know this to be true and it's pointed out almost daily, it still stings each time. It can even show malice to point out something like that, whether it is worded as an insult or not.

A couple of questions for NTs:

1. Do you always understand whether a person is serious or not? I hardly ever know when someone's joking. I look at their face but I can't figure out if they're serious.

2. Do you always know when it's your turn to speak when talking on the phone?

If it's someone I don't know, usually I can tell by their facial expressions. I depends on the conversation. If things are going well with the conversation and something off the wall is said, I can usually tell it's a joke or sarcasm. If it'someone I know, I can tell because I know them and know how they joke. I have friends that can say something and I know they're joking and friends that will say the same thing and I know they are serious. Occasionally you get someone who's really good at joking and you just can't tell. In those instances you might respond as if they are serious and then they'll say something like "I was just joking". Then you just say oh! and say something like "I thought you were serious"! So I think it's a combination of facial expression and what's going on in the conversation.

When the person on the phone stops talking (long pause) then it's your turn to jump in. Every now and again if the other person is talking and they are telling a long story or expressing themselves and it's going on for a while. The occasional uh huh or yeah when they stop(short pause)- if you agree with the statement, will do.

Sometimes you might start talking at the same time. At that point it depends on who wants to back down! That happens to me all the time and I'm the queen of talking on the phone-I'm doing it right now!

Question for NT's:

How in the world do you come up with things to say like "don't come at me all sideways" and how am I supposed to know what the heck things like that mean?

We make things up all the time. I'm a vocal and outgoing NT tribesman and I ask, 'what does that mean?" Furthermore, I love humor so I bask in awkwardness.

I don't understand half of the slang out there.

I think that slang can be cultural. The phrase you used I would say is Urban. I understood what it meant because it comes from my culture. A lot of slang is Urban so I think regardless of neurology if you aren't of that culture you could be clueless as to it's meaning. But there is so much slang out there even I don't understand it all. I have a teenage son and that helps when I don't understand something.

Slang can be generational as well. I am getting to the age where I am having trouble understanding some of the things young people say.

Suspie no if you were and NT i don't think you would inherently know if the guy liked you. I'm NT and it was always something i thought about constantly i would go over and over the conversation to see if anything indicated he liked me. With time i learned a lot of NT guys are straight forward when they like a girl they'll ask to see you again or talk to you often. I'd say talk to him on FB let it develop on there it would be a very natural way for it to progress.

Now my NT question to the aspies:

Recently my boyfriend and i had a fight because I told him i feel like he doesn't show interest in me i told him when i talk about topics that interest me he often doesn't pay attention or respond in any way. He said it's because he can't/doesn't like to talk about things that don't interest him. I told him i don't find many of the things he talk about interesting on their own but since i'm interested in him i by association find what he's talking about interesting and that when he doesn't show the same interest in what i'm saying i feel like he doesn't like me instead of not liking my topic.

As an aspie do you guys find it hard to talk about things you have no interest in even if you find the person interesting?

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but when someone knows a lot about a subject, and I can tell.. well I find it very fascinating. However, sometimes (like maybe 33% of the time) when my partner talks about Gundam models or cell phones (he does this a lot) I feel nauseated and irritable and would do anything to stop it. It's quite rude of me and I have no idea why this happens.

[quote=

As an aspie do you guys find it hard to talk about things you have no interest in even if you find the person interesting?[/quote]

It is extremely hard for me to concentrate on what the person is saying if I'm not really interested in the topic. My mind turns to mush and I tune them out. I feel bad but I just can't follow what they are saying. Then I get distracted and it usually hurts the other person's feelings. I can't help it though. I wish I could be more interested or at least act more interested. I don't think it would matter how enamored I am with the person.

Got a few questions for NTs:

1. Do you have meltdowns? I for example get meltdowns from a combination of emotional and sensory overload. I bottle everything up until I'm so angry/annoyed/frustrated/sad that I completely explode (not literally). Then I usually start rocking back and forth, sit with my head in my hands while hitting my head. Then I get up, pace, talk to myself, hit things, throw things and swear. I get that NTs get angry, but do you do the same things as I do?

2. Do you have difficulties expressing feelings? Not only verbally but through facial expressions. I often get to hear I don't smile enough and people very often ask me why I'm angry or sad and if I'm ok even though I'm perfectly fine. I think it's difficult to express feelings of joy and thankfulness as well, which is why I don't like celebrating my birthday.

3. Do you have "weird" habits such as for example always wearing black jeans, always sitting at the same spot in the sofa, always eating the same thing for breakfast, always crossing the street at the same place, always putting your clothes on in the same order, listening to the same song over and over and over again (if I look at an album on my iTunes it's not unusual for me to notice I've listened to one song about 200 times while I've listened to the other songs in the album about 5 times each) etc?