What your parents did right

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My dad taught me a strong sense of independent thinking. Granted, he unfortunately no longer really does it, but it got me to take it a few steps further.

He also taught me a sense of morality that I took to heart so intensely, it winds up scaring people. He can't even live up to it, himself. It also taught me to expect such a high standard out of myself, it's almost untoppable by anyone else.

My father was always the one more supportive about how I chose to live my life.

My mother was sort of supportive in her later years about my hobbies.

My parents taught me to work hard and not make excuses for my failures.They were a very conservative bunch and so am I.I have never let my AS be an excuse for any of my failures..in fact I did not tell anyone about it ..includint employers.I pushed myself and did well so far.When I was about 12 years old, my father was injured at work and WCB didnt pay him enough to pay the mortgage and so forth.Me and my sister took up 8 paper routes and did them in order to help pay the bills...We did not talke any money for ourselves...At the time..it felt like crap but now I see how I benefited from it.I am proud to say that because of what I did I saved the Alberta government thousands of dollars in potential welfare checks.Over the years, I learned even more..I learned to chop wood,drywall, and to do construction in regards to some framing etc.Although I am training to be a legal assistant, all of which I learned over the years was not in vain.It taught me to multitask, work hard, to take responsibility for my actions, and to never make excuses.Choppin firewood in the backyard gave me some coordination..enough to learn to drive and get my drivers license.My parents told me if someone ever attacked me and I ever had to defend myself, they would stand by me and defend me no matter what.I only had to defend myself when needed and only had to do so..o in elementary school.My NT sister didnt finish high school..I did tho..and have only one year of college left.I am proud of my Dad and my stepmom who has two jobs, and they are proud of me and brag about me every day to their friends.Nobody expected me to even finish high school with m AS but so far I am on my way to completing college..one year left...according to my instructors...the rest is gravy...I have completed the hardest part successfully. And amongst that..I have went further than any family member went.My family is all NT and so far, I have went further than any of them

My father is the main reason I am where I am today.My biological mother left when I was 18 months old but my father stepped up to the plate.

Ermmmmm, I'm not all that sure here tbh what to put, so it may be a bit patchy:

Good Things

They don't force me to socialise as they know it scares me (e.g. they won't take me to family gatherings, it's awkward at the best of times)
They're also supposed to getting me into counselling (but I'm not sure they will immediately tbh)


Not sure if these next things are good or not

They let me keep things to myself and don't force me into telling them anything (I'm not sure if this is good or not because I don't feel entirely comfortable telling them anything and the problems I wish I could tell them are eating at me a lot lately)

Bad things

They expect soo much of me in school and to be getting top grades and they think I'm a brain box but the reality is that I'm not, they intruded into my school life too much so now I don't bother telling them anything (any letters I get given through the post or from school I take them and don't let them read)

They don't realise that I'm not motivated (and they're not very motivating) and that I more than likely have depression

I get the impression too that they don't know much about my Aspergers so I can't really talk to them about many/if any aspect of it at all, despite the fact I've been diagnosed for nearly my whole life (14 years).

Yes, learning how to handle money, beyond cash and checks. I've got investments, insurances, taxes... and they didn't teach me squat about finance. I really, really could have benefitted from learning how to manage money, but all I got when I asked was "Don't worry your little head about it" and then it was all dumped in my lap in my mid-20's.

So early start teaching your kid (if he/she has the aptitude) how to THINK about things... how to choose insurance, how to save, grow money, how to understand taxes (to the extent anyone can). Numbers I can do, it's the thinking/strategizing that grinds my mental gears.

The thing that stands out most to me is the freedom my mother gave me. Not just in allowing me to be myself, but also in making sure that irritatiting factors were kept at a minimum for me. She explained my autism to all other members of the family, so that they were wary around me and made sure they didn't set me off.

The second thing I respect about my mother's way of raising me, is not specific to raising an autistic child, but it's more general: my mother always addressed me as an equal for as long as I can remember, I think perhaps from the moment I was capable of speech. When I was seven, while I noticed that teachers were often belittling toward small children, or even parents to their own children, my mother and I conversed on an equal level. Of course, I had much to learn, but I'm very thankful to her for that.

She also had little means; she raised me on tax-payer's money and refused to go to work and leeched social security instead, so that she could spend as much time with me as was possible. I feel that I truly needed that; she started working again by the time I was in secondary school. My father wasn't there for us; he was present quite often, but he is an alcoholic and didn't work. I owe him absolutely nothing. As far as I'm concerned, I only had one parent.
I'm not glorifying unemployment, by the way, but I also don't think my mother did the wrong thing back then.

While I can understand that many posters here feel they took benefit from not having been too open about their autism toward the outside world, so as to not risk running into prejudices, I have always been glad that my mother was more-than-accepting of my autism and made me feel at an early age that it was something I could easily embrace, as well. It also gave me the sense that autism was something I sometimes had to tangle with and try to come out on top, but also that it was simply a part of who I am. I mostly went to small-scale special schools, by the way, never regular schools, because my mother thought - rightfully so, in my case- that a school with over 20-odd students per class would be too much for me to handle. This isn't the same for everyone, however.

EDIT: I wish to add that the most important thing that my mother taught me, was that my actions had consequences. That was the central theme in my upbringing. If I had done something wrong, she'd let me sulk upstairs and think about it, and it all got through to me. I'm now at least CAPABLE of living independently, and she's proud of me.

i like self-suspected as well. it makes me smile.

bad things (mum).
shouting at me for not being very social
threatening to throw things at me.
hitting me
poking me, i hate it
trying to tickle me
putting me down
talking about only what i do wrong

good things (dad, he is kinda of ASish so i think he understands a bit)
letting me be quiet if i want to be
being ok with me wanting to be on my own
not touching me
talking about science with me


moslty i am not close with my family, we are fairly dysfunctional, my friends might be more helpful for you,

my friends ask me if they can hug me and do not feel offended ( to my knowledge) if i dont want one, if i accept a hug they keep it short and FIRM i do not like weak hugs, unless i want a long hug (rare).
they are completely ok with me not making eye contact, in fact a lot of them didnt notice because i looked at their mouth or looked busy instead. i would say do not pressure your child into making eye contact, it is hard and not nice at all most of the time.

if i do not want to talk, they do not make me unless it is absolutley necessary, they talk around me and include me but dont mind if i dont talk.
do not make fun of your child, i like to write in green at college i like the colour and reading in green is easier, but some people say its weird an make fun of it, inc mum,

so i would say most important be ACCEPTING.

i would like to feel i fit in with my family and friends at least a bit.

hope his helps.

I'm "self-suspected," learned about AS nine years ago.


Parents' positive actions:

Laid a strong foundation of faith.
Taught me to be responsible and capable. I learned cause and effect.
Told me I could do anything I chose (although, taken literally, this can become a negative! I have struggled to accept my limitations.)
Took me to different parts of the country on vacation, thus exposing me to different environs than just my home state.
Home educated me after the third grade. I was beyond bored in school. I understood concepts quickly and would space out as a result of the inanity of the classroom.
My mother encouraged me to work in my teens. It was good for me in learning to work and cope with a lot of different kinds of people.

Negatives:

Quite indifferent toward my talents or interests.
Didn't comfort. Ridiculed and embarrassed me.
Lived and taught co-dependence and disapproved of my attempts to be emotionally and physically independent.
Disapproved of me as a person. Didn't accept my personality or quirks.
Constant harsh punishments (hitting, hollering)
Did NOT give me privacy: emotional or physical
Extremely high expectations in everything I endeavored (that I always do my absolute best)


I wish they had accepted me as the "different" person I am instead of trying so hard to make me fit their perfect mold.

"They disciplined me and taught me how to be a MAAAN"

Okay-I can't BS this w/a straight face.....even on the internet
(especially as I barely see my father).

Also. Uh. "Socialization". Dunno as I f*****g HATE going places in group-due to being subsumed into a larger number's directive and being forced to do what the majority does. And "I don't behave" because I don't want to be stuck with faggy groups. Hence going alone to places as much as possible...

too lazy to type more.

I have been known to sing the virtues of my parents quite often:

1. Encouraged my ability in and love of math and the physical sciences. My dad even went so far as to make a game of it whenever we went to the store.
2. Never insisted that I needed to make friends my own age. Ye gods, it angers me when I see this.
3. Never got me formally diagnosed. Let me explain: It was suggested to them that I had autism. My parents soon found out that their insurance wouldn't cover a diagnosis. "Oh, well," my dad said. "They'd just give him pills anyway." I'm not sure how right he was (I don't know what autism "treatments" were being used around that time in Tracy, nor even what time that was), but I regret that I never had a chance to thank him for that. If I had been subjected to doctors explaining to me every minute of every day how the way I was, and the way I am, is wrong, I don't think I would have been able to hold onto myself. Now, I can better understand that the way I am is not wrong, no matter what they say.

Now that your son has been diagnosed, though, I would suggest that you let him know that, just because he's different, doesn't mean he's wrong.

4. My mother instilled in me a great caring for other people, and a great value for wisdom.
5. My dad started a janitorial service when I was eight or nine, and he would take my sisters and I with him to help. I'm not sure what you could do in this regard, but I enjoyed working with my parents cleaning places.

My parents were very traditional in there upbringing skills. It is important that they taught me respect for womans and for my elders.