Hiding your special interest

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Totally.. I have this obsession with dance... the problem is that I can't dance. I just wish I could, particularly because I love dance shoes! But it's not like I can have an intelligent conversation about dancing, as much as I wish I could. So it ends up making me feel really stupid.

^thats cool, I also had a period when I was obsessed with dance. I took dancelessions and wanted to advance myself but I couldnt - because I cant dance - that really pulled the interest off...

I know. I can't wait to find a new special interest - because I don't find WP satisfying enough as one (it is too limited, not enough scope for development and expansion).

I never used to hide my special interests, as lame as they usually were, I'd go on and on but I then learned the hard way that is annoyes people.
Now I'm the complete opposite and hide them, which gives me a limited amount of things to talk about, maybe that's why I've been more quiet the past few years, I haven't been banging on about my interests.

I'm with you on this. I'm a bit ashamed about how many spare hours of my day I'm on here checking posts. When my wife asks what's new on WP, usually I have no idea what to say or really what's on my mind (unless there was a particularly interesting discussion).

At some point, I will probably get back into my open source software project and that will be the primary interest.

Maybe she is AS enough to benefit from some self-awareness? The conflict between the habit of talking about special interests and the dangers of talking about it to some people who don't recognise the boundaries. If it is a "special interest" then she has to keep others out of it. I can quote Jesse Livermore on this "A man's got to trade on his own hook. Alone." and "Tell no one. Work in secrecy and silence.". And Nicolas Darvas, "MY EARS WERE MY ENIMIES." So both Livermore and Darvas realised that the kind of trading they did requires solitude.

It's possible Livermore had AS, he hated smalltalk and was very solitary. Talking was banned in his office. Although he had lots of insights in analysing others. An amazing and unique man.

Also not that it is compulsive like "compulsive gambling" but all-consuming like Asperger's special interests .

Ah she's too socially smart & self supportive to really need that. That's why I don't think she could be AS; she has never had any problems with daily functioning, or really struggled socially. She knows better than to talk about it to friends/randoms (she just talks about it to our immediate family).

I used to talk about SpongeBob SquarePants all the time, but (unless with friends) I talk about it much less now, sometimes not at all unless the other person mentions SpongeBob.

My ex had friends over the other evening and then they all went to dinner.
I didn't join in, except when they asked me about my painting and art stuff.
then i skulked off.

As usual, they think i am weird, and they also said i am really rude to them and they don;t know what they have done wrong.

I'm not rude. I just don't want to sit around and talk crap with people i have nothing in common with. They are probably nice people, but social stuff is not my thing. I'm not interested. I went off and pursued a special interest in my room.
It actually annoys me that one gets called "rude" if one does not like socialising.

It's not true that one gets called rude for not liking to socialize. One only ever gets called rude when one doesn't "whitelie" to NTs. For not whitelying to them, for giving them some reality to deal with. That's considered rude.

Everyone does as they please, the only difference is they cover what they do with white lies. In your situation, anyone else would've faked illness or a family crisis to stay away from the group, and everyone would've known it was an excuse, but they would've been happy that they were being spared the truth and they wouldn't call you rude.

Someone who doesn't go into all the effort of whitelying (which is a lot of effort for NTs too), is seen as selfish for not wanting to make the effort, and social selfishness is called rudeness.

My special interests are law and politics, and I don't hide it.If people don't like me discussing politica issues or debating, then they can simply ignore it or if they want me to shut up, they can go move to China.

I don't see the point in hiding my special interests. I mean, I've learned to give true Aspie monologues only to my close friends and family, but anyone who knows me knows about my special interests. They pretty much define my personality, and you cannot know OddDuckNash99 without knowing her special interests. I totally agree with Tony_canuck. I mean, if somebody thinks I'm "weird" for my obsessive interests, they don't have to be around me. I couldn't care less what people think of me. I'm certainly not about to give up or masquerade what gives me the most joy in life just to please neurotypicals...
-OddDuckNash99-

While over-bluntness is often considered rude, lack of socialization is also considered impolite, especially with guests. They may have felt like she was the hostess in this situation and therefore under an obligation to entertain them, even though her ex was the one who invited them or accepted their visit.

In my experience, most of the times I've been considered rude have stemmed from not paying attention to small talk -- not greeting people or saying good-bye at the end of the shift, getting right to the point instead of talking about other things first, etc. I thought I was being efficient but was told that I was unfriendly.

Millie: is it possible that you could bring out a small project like a sketch pad to work on in the same room with your ex's guests? I often sit quietly with my knitting when there are guests and no one thinks anything bad about it.

Regards,

Patricia

The all-compelling interest is special topic

I have had my main special interest for almost 42 years and I do not mind discussing it in print but I will not discuss it orally and it is not subject to debate, because the only ones who would debate my interest would be ones who deny that it occurred.

Have you heard of the Machon LeCheker HaShoah? They'd hire you and never fire you, Sue. As millie says, you have to follow your bliss.

HaShoah topic

First, I would have to go to a Yeshiva and study Evrit, and I suck at anything oral. Reading Hebrew is not all that hard (the language is actually very easy once you master the aleph-beit) but I am not able to speak languages very well, though I can understand if they are spoken slowly to me.

You put across an interesting idea. I never thought of actually using my special interest as employment, because in my own oddball ethical way I could not profit from such study, the way a devout Chassid would not monetarily benefit from studying Rabbinic Judaism (Torah.Talmud). However, I would trade my knowledge for the necessities of life in order to maintain my physical existence, as I would not be able to function without food, shelter, and sleep.

Really odd. A shiksa who has been studying HaShoah for almost 42 years. Only an Aspie......