When others insinuate you're lying, do you feel dishonest?

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As I said on the other thread, this happens to me too. My truth has so often been ignored, silenced or denied that when someone starts questioning I start questioning myself. As I said on that thread, I typed a 5-page report in bullet form on my AS symptoms so that I won't have to defend my case verbally in the diagnosis sessions. Since I'm so unconvincing, I can refer the specialist back to the report as proof that I did mention a symptom even if I forgot to mention it or messed up during the oral session. This avoids the "But you never mentioned having problems in that area, so how come you mention it now." kind of questioning my truth that makes me fail.

I try to be as truthful as possible - to get everything as right as I can - in what I say. I recognise that I'm very often wrong, but what makes me annoyed is when people intimate that I am not trying to get everything right (for some reason).

I have frequently had the feeling that I am being disbelieved. It makes me want to explain things in detail, and explaining when something is challenged is itself taken as an indicator of guilt by some people.

Yes - When other people don't believe me I even begin to doubt myself.

I don't feel dishonest, I just feel annoyed, upset, or angry. I hate it when people don't believe me. My bf hates it too.

I don't understand. But it's an intriguing idea. Care to elaborate?


Yes.....if I start to get uncomfortable and try to explain myself, it's as if that in itself can be taken as evidence of guilt. A solicitor once told me that if a judge notices a witness squirming while giving evidence or answering difficult questions under cross-examination, then the judge will often assume the witness is making something up. But I reckon that often the person is telling the truth, but just feeling guilty because of lack of confidence, and so looking guilty and being judged guilty. There's something very unfair and competitive about all this - as if many people just don't care whether the truth is being spoken or not....if somebody doesn't come over as confident, they're deemed to be weak, and therefore pushed down.

Horrible isn't it? Everybody knows that some people are good liars, yet many people still judge what is said to them as if confident delivery equates to truth, as if there's a very primordial gut reaction that trumps critical thinking. Ever noticed that politicians are nearly always very skilled at coming over as if they're being completely honest?

Thanks for your answers, folks It looks like some of you get this problem and some don't.

As for me, I do get the problem sometimes. Other times, particularly if I've anticipated it might happen, I can get quite brazen and resolute about what I'm saying.

Yes, it's horrible. People don't care for the truth, all they want is to feel reassured by somebody that something is the truth. This fact about human nature is exceptionally shown in the movie about the wreckage of the Titanic (the classical, excellent movie, not the modern one). The classical movie looks like it's about the Titanic, but in fact it's about human nature and their blind following of religions or anyone who will act confident enough to instill in them a feeling of trust, however ridiculous their claims. In the movie, those following the "confident" leader all get killed, and those following the honest leader have a few survivors in the end.

yeah me too... thats the worst insult too me.

Oh jesus yes. It's a sh***y feeling, but now that I'm older I just use the *insert gravitas and serious face* formula to be more convincing, so I don't feel that as acutely. If you laugh or raise your voice, people will think you're lying.

My father used to say that, in a time of crisis, people would follow anybody who looked as if they knew what they were doing.



Served them right If only real life could be like that

It is like that in real life. Always. And people know it. They all just hope they'll be dead of old age before the s**t hits the fan and the consequences of having followed the liar explode in their face.

Depends on if I'm actually lying..

Initially I have a sinking feeling and feel affronted. But, the accusation/implication has a way of insinuating itself into my thoughts and I will ruminate later on, especially since I am always second-guessing myself anyway.

This happened to me in counselling last week. I was explaining my executive dysfunction and sensory issues in relation to eating difficulties, and the woman suddenly responded that they are really attention-seeking behaviours, and spent the session trying to convince me of this. When she first mentioned attention-seeking, I felt the insult physically in my gut, and there was an accompanying sinking feeling. I became unresponsive. She did not understand or believe in any cause other than psychological.

Whenever I have been in a session with a psychodynamicist, I get a mind f*** for long periods afterwards, and the therapy is more abusive than not. I have learnt that such self doubt is not productive (especially since I already carry an unhealthy amount anyway), and the sensible thing to do is to leave them to their opinions and cease contact. I've found such sessions to reveal far more about the therapists' own psychological make-ups.

I can't tell if people are insinuating something in person, so I wouldn't feel anything; I take everything literally.

With writing I can better pick up insinuations, but I've never been accused of lying before.

outlier, my thoughts exactly. Usually those sessions go like this: they explain my problems away with some outrageous assumption, and when I try to show how that's inaccurate, they'll add more outrageous dismissal and invalidation, to which I'll react with anger at feeling so discounted, to which they'll conclude that my problem in life is anger and if I was nicer to people I wouldn't have any problems. All this while I pay a-fortune-per- minute for the pleasure.

I once went to a therapist, who at the first minute of the first session diagnosed me with paranoia because I commented that her neighbor had been verbally abusing his child while I waited in the yard. Since she hadn't heard her neighbor (or had chosen to tune out the abuse taking place in her own building), she diagnosed me with paranoia and negative ideation - less than 2 minutes from knowing me. When I reacted offended, she said I have a problem with anger and the therapy will concentrate on curing my paranoia and anger. I pretended to agree with her and never went back.

Yes. And it's not like I lie. Also I feel uneasy going through the metal detectors in shops on the way out, though the stuff is always bought and paid for/pockets are empty.

Story of my life, especially when i am challenged about what my disabilities are and what they are not. I am the only one who knows how Asperger's affects me, but the autism agency and my family do not. But they insist that they are right. When i tell them I can not do something or get into anything, they say i am lying and I challenge them, but then they take advantage of the fact that I can not talk while others are talking over me, so when i do talk they talk over me, so i end up saying the wrong thing and it ends in their favor, even though I said the wrong thing. They know if they did not talk over me, that i would have said the "correct" thing that I needed to say and prove myself right. It happens all the time.