"You dont look like anything is wrong with you"

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What is wrong with that?

Why is that bad social skills, surely its a compliment???

Perhaps the banker thought she was complimenting you, by saying that she would never have guessed there was something wrong with you. Like if a woman tells someone their age, and the other person says "Oh, you don't look like you're 40, I would've thought you were much younger." Maybe she thought she was being polite.

Sometimes I wish people could actually 'see' that I'm an aspie, always when I tell someone about me being one I get responses like: 'Oh, I never noticed...' in my head I translate it to: 'Oh, so that's why he's so awkward and quiet...'.

That's the whole problem with having aspergers, people don't notice it, they just think you are weird, awkward or rude. They never stand still by the fact that you might can't really do anything about it yourself.

NT's are so F'ing ignorant.

I'm going to echo a few other posters here and question why the bank teller was even told. She handles people's money for a living, why should she know? Three years ago I had never even heard of asperger's syndrome either. It was only after my son was diagnosed that I began to question myself and seek answers.

I don't tell people I'm an aspie. I don't disclose it at job interviews and college knows nothing about it. Why would I tell people? I've done a pretty good job of blending in and don't feel the need to make myself stand out. Sure there are definitely some who consider me a total oddball but I don't feel any great need to offer an explanation for my oddness.

Good point, I hadn't heard of AS until I was mid forties.

The teller was also trying to concentrate on her job and didn't spend heaps of time trying to consider exactly what she should say, after all, the most important thing to deal with was the financial transaction.

I honestly believe that most people are not deliberately unkind or rude, most people try hard to get along with others, its what NTs are blamed the most for in fact.

I agree. I could get on my high horse every time an NT offers advice to me after witnessing my son having a meltdown in the supermarket but in all truth, he DOES look like a brat to the untrained eye. He DOES look like a spoiled, undisciplined child. They have had children themselves and probably believe they are being helpful or passing on good advice. Rather than waste the best part of half a day explaining my son's behaviour I just say thank you and move along.

I rarely argue with people either because you get to understand after a while that they are usually reacting rather than coming from a sensible and logical part of their brains. Much better to have the adult conversation later when people are in a more detached position, though that doesn't happen when the encounter has been with a stranger.

Meltdowns are particularly difficult because there isn't a lot once can do at a certain point in it - I know this from my own meltdowns as a child. What is going on around the child is irrelevant to them because they are so deeply locked into their own experience.

Edit: Somewhat double post.

Last edited by AnnePande on 25 Jun 2009, 11:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've only got that "you don't look autistic" thing once, I guess. But often, if I tell about my issues in studying (inertia / executive dysfunction), many will say: "Oh, but everyone has that experience with studying / it's hard for everyone". And sometimes I have a hard time explaining that it's really not quite the same as normal laziness / tiredness / procrastination, or whatnot.
Some weeks ago I talked to an NT who said that to me and kept on saying it, though I tried to explain. But when she found out I had only few weeks before I should finish my master's thesis, and still didn't feel stressed or under pressure (because I felt like I had plenty of time, in an inertial manner, though I didn't have). She got baffled beause she herself would have felt very stressed in that situation (so much for Theory of Mind).
Then she understood that something certainly must be wrong!!

Or people say that about other things too, "that's normal".

BTW what does it help that "all people" have the same problem, when my problem is in fact the problem itself and not that I think I'm the only one? It's like NTs are so fixated on normality, so if only others have the same problem, the problem is like it's solved already. (It can be a help sometimes though, but it's not a universal cure for everything).

As for knowing about autism and sensory issues, I don't think it's very common that people know that. I didn't myself before I found out about AS.

Hmm yes that's all I ever get told these days, that I look completely normal and the person never would have guessed in a million years.

I don't mind really, often I take it as a compliment because I know I have worked my b*** off to get to where I am now - to master my "social mask". It's a compliment to my artwork, and my skill.

The best response would have been, "That is why many who suffer from Asperger Syndrome are undiagnosed and suffer in silence. Society only helps the obviously handicapped."

My face is kinda weird. The right side of it has that crushed-in look, kinda like Kim Peek.

Not as severe, though. It's too bad, a little more and I could've been a really interesting guy like Kim with a career and lots of people that care about me. As it is, I've only got a mild case of whatever he has.

Maybe I could still make a career out of it.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the amazing Poke, the high school drop out who can beat your ass in Boggle all day long!

Eh, maybe not.

It's just not that interesting.

I don't know whether you are up to it, but this could really be a good opportunity to educate them...

i think your mother is exploiting your condition to get attention.

OMG, I LOVE boggle. Best game ever!

I'm not sure about NT's (who are NT's, specifically?), but I think you nailed it there, in regards to people in general. This chase of normality is silly.