anyone else afraid to ask for help? (of any kind.)

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I have a very difficult time asking for help. Even though I need it sometimes, I find it very difficult to express what my needs are in the situation. Sometimes I don't ask because I feel like I "should" be understanding my dilemma, and that asking for assistance feels like I'm putting the spotlight directly onto my incompetencies.

Yes, all of the above. Some of it is fear of seeming weak, some of it is people avoidance, and some of it is self rightousness. I can easily ask for help within my immediate family (husband and kids), but very, very rarely do I ask anyone else. Even during labor, I wait until I'm at the end of my rope in pain before I'll ask for any meds, and I have no opposition whatsoever to epidurals. My last child was born naturally because I didn't ask for help quickly enough ! I've only hired a sitter 3 times in the last 4 1/2 years and if something in the house breaks, it often stays that way because I convince myself that I can fix it even though I'm really clueless.

It really does make life harder and I'm trying to work on that. I think I need to just get over myself!

I totally agree and understand what you mean.

At work if I'm confronted by something I don't know how to do but need to get done I'll have a panic attack. But it's a silent attack because I won't even realize what's happening I shut down so much, it's not until later when I go why haven't I gotten this or that or this other thing done yet, when I'm looking at my pile of work to do, that I realize what's happened.

And when I get a lot of things I need to do that I don't really know how to do I will do all sorts of avoidance tactics, surf the web, anything.

And it's really now that I think about it the worse when it's something I have to go ask someone how to do, or have to send something to someone to get looked at and for them to answer back. It's not quite so bad if I just have to look up something in our policies and procedures on how to do it, if it's listed.

I wish it were different. I like learning new things and puzzling out how things fit together, understanding the world. But when I have to ask someone I have the whole fear of rejection going, the what if they don't like me bit, the what if they refuse to help what do I do then. Also I have the how do I let someone know I need help in the right way thing, if I ask for help and it's not there then I feel rejected and abandoned and lied to. So I don't trust others when they say they want to help me or want to be nice, because I *know* they're lying and are going to reject me.

Which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know logically we will each fail someone at some point in time, through death if nothing else, but that logic and rational approach doesn't do anything to molify (right word?) the fear I have.

This is my first post here by the way.

Asking for help makes me feel terribly vulnerable, and I hate it. I have asked, but doing so puts me in such an anxious state, doesn't matter if it someone I know, a government agency, a work situation. I have been in many situations where it is a person's paid job to assist with something, and they just go through motions if anything. Voc rehab, disability, abused women's advocate.
My kids are grown, but I very much understand the not getting sitters thing. I was the same way, sitters were for when I was at work.
As for the help others first, then it will be paid back, I don't agree. I have spent a life time being the one helping-babysitting others kids, doing extra at work, filling in at work, giving people rides, cleaning peoples houses, etc etc etc. Fact is, what you offer to do soon become expected of you. And people can find any excuse to not reciprocate.
I now accept that this is just one of those things that my being different makes difficult, the asking, the dealing with rejection, people finding excuses to not be fair.
My current mantra "I matter too", try it, see if it helps you. It does me, a little

i grew up with an overprotective, domineering mother and a morose, misogynist, workaholic, ultra-catholic father who made me feel guilty about receiving the most basic of necessities, so i grew into a person with a constant need to assert my independence by learning how to do as many things by myself as i can, and to never bother anyone, especially men. when i see women who are spoiled or treated like princesses or daddy's girls, it confuses and disgusts me and i can't relate because of the example i was raised with. but it worked out well in a way because i save a lot of money doing things myself, even if i have to improvise, and it usually turns out the right way, as opposed to having had it done. also adds to survival skills. i hope to remain as self-sufficient as possible all my life.

Not afraid, nor do I care if I "owe" anyone, but:

I don't ask for help for the simple fact that it doesn't cross my mind; the only reason I'm not homeless/dead is because others help me at their own volition.

I NEVER asked for help with anything until i reached my late 30's. then I learned to. (once again a case of better late than never.)

These days I can ask for help from some people, but the concern is also regarding "what" i ask help for.
Only since being dx'ed with an ASD in the past year have i been able to ask for help in areas that relate to executive dysfunction and organisational issues. I only learned to write lists a few months ago, and they help with my life on a daily basis. Prior to being diagnosed I tried to conceal and hide the incredible deficits and struggles i would have in some areas. It was painfully obvious to others that I struggled, and I was only making things more circuitous for myself by trying to conceal how difficult some simple things actually were for me.
(makin a bed can reduce me to tears. The washing stays in the machine for days rather than getting hung out to dry, there are piles of clutter that I cannot sort through because I cannot work out what to keep and what to throw away..........I forget a lot of basic living skills and organisational stuff.)

I can ask for help in some areas and not others.

I have always had big problems asking for help. There are probably several reasons for this.
I have always had my pride, and would rather not know/understand than ask for help.
It’s a sign of weakness (which is also the reason why I hate having to take my astma medicine in public).
I often feel stupid and/or humiliated and/or vulnerable when I ask for help, and even more so when I still don’t understand.
I’m afraid I’ll be laughed at (which actually happened with a maths teacher once).
It draws attention, which I don’t like, especially not for something like that.
But most of all, it doesn’t really occurr to me.

And the few times I actually do ask for help, I often don’t receive the help needed or the person I ask downplay my need, leaving me feeling resigned.

Asking for help requires that you have someone you can TRUST to ask help from.

Most people (NT and AS) don't have many people they can trust at all. Someone you can trust with something really important, even NT people don't have many of those lying around.