Can someone help me with something that happen today?

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marshall
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10 Jul 2009, 3:49 pm

That just sounds like one of those annoying things parents do. My father comments on things I do when I'm driving, and it drives me nuts.

I even have a name for the disorder, POCND. Parental Obsessive Compulsive Nagging Disorder.



Crassus
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10 Jul 2009, 3:53 pm

Like everyone else is saying, your mother was concerned about you not respecting propriety. Part of the issue is likely to be due to propriety being a moving target, when my own mother was younger a bra strap was SCANDALOUS today a bra is just clothing. If you had an accidental nipple slip incident, I'd still be telling you it really isn't that big a deal, but that would be something that the culture I personally live in would typically respond to in the way your mother responded to a bra. Some areas of the world still flip out if they can see a woman's face. Other places wander around naked at will and nobody really cares.

As far as the question of attracting perverts and molesters, it doesn't really matter what you do. They are perverted because they are actually perverted, they will fixate on what they choose to fixate on and will rationalize the actions they take however they want so that they can take what they want. If they claim it was the way their victim was dressed, that is just the rationalization they choose to make. If you allow the possibility that some broken individual will try and use something you do as a rationalization for what they did, to be a rationalization not to do something, it won't accomplish anything other than preventing you from doing something you wanted to do.

If they want to fixate on you, they will fixate on you, and they will create whatever rationalization for how it is all your fault that they can. Human beings are excellent rationalizers. It is entirely normal and common for humans to perform an action, and then consciously rationalize why they did it. The part of you that does the rationalization is just the outward facing you, that part of you does not actually make the decision to act. In order to create an illusion of control the self aware part of you tries to come up with a rationalization of why it would direct your body to do that, but that is unlikely to be the real reason why you did it. Or put another way, it will hardly ever be the complete reason, it will be some portion of the reason shaded by your lack of self awareness.

As Spectrum individuals, many of us I am sure have had a hard time understanding this. We expect everybody else to be as self aware as we are. Those on the spectrum tend to be much more cognizant of a more complete explanation of their own actions. It still comes Post Facto however. One cannot know One until One is Two. If you understood why you did everything you did, you would not have done most of it. If you understood why you did everything before you did it to completeness, you would be known as Buddha.



pluto
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10 Jul 2009, 4:18 pm

I do think your mother over-reacted a little. Sometimes the best way to react to such a 'wardrobe malfunction' is to laugh it off. The actress Emma Watson did so recently.
She'd been trying to adjust her dress at the Harry Potter premiere and inadvertently revealed what colour of underwear she had on. I think the fact that you reacted calmly in the same way as a well-balanced young film star is to your credit :)


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zeldapsychology
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10 Jul 2009, 5:06 pm

It wasn't just a bra strap it was the bra itself but like before I didn't think it was a big issue. :-)



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10 Jul 2009, 5:23 pm

Crassus wrote:
Like everyone else is saying, your mother was concerned about you not respecting propriety. Part of the issue is likely to be due to propriety being a moving target, when my own mother was younger a bra strap was SCANDALOUS today a bra is just clothing. If you had an accidental nipple slip incident, I'd still be telling you it really isn't that big a deal, but that would be something that the culture I personally live in would typically respond to in the way your mother responded to a bra. Some areas of the world still flip out if they can see a woman's face. Other places wander around naked at will and nobody really cares.

As far as the question of attracting perverts and molesters, it doesn't really matter what you do. They are perverted because they are actually perverted, they will fixate on what they choose to fixate on and will rationalize the actions they take however they want so that they can take what they want. If they claim it was the way their victim was dressed, that is just the rationalization they choose to make. If you allow the possibility that some broken individual will try and use something you do as a rationalization for what they did, to be a rationalization not to do something, it won't accomplish anything other than preventing you from doing something you wanted to do.


This has, apparently, been one of the noted problems with the Rorschach test. (There are a million, and I consider Rorschach to be bull anyways, but just an example.) When they evaluate the results, they put the responses into different categories and they think that how many responses went into the different categories gives some kind of "objective" measure. (Psychologists don't seem to understand the meaning of the word "objective") Apparently most female evaluators will consider a bra to fall into the "clothing" category and most male evaluators will consider a bra to fall into the "sex" category. So one evaluator could "objectively" deem you a pervert while another would "objectively" deem you.. not a pervert. Or something like that.



Ebonwinter
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10 Jul 2009, 6:21 pm

Good point I myself see a exposed bra as sexual but oddly a bikini is just clothes I guess its the stigma I've learned, but this in itself could just be response to a rare moment reaction due to it has a stigma of rarely heard of public moment while a bikini is the norm these days sort of the case of why gold is worth more than sandstone.


Man stigma seems to be my word of the day



Crassus
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10 Jul 2009, 7:01 pm

You are displaying signs of the stigmata?!?! ! You are the antichrist! Everybody get ready for the Rapture, Hooooooo Doggies it is go time! What's that? You said stigma? Oh, sorry, carry on.

Context is everything, ankles and wrists used to be the the risque thing to show off a little of to appear sexual and of course we still ornament wrists and ankles in many cultures because they are focus points for determining fitness. Sure somebody might have a gut and and a baby face, but if they have well defined ankles and wrists you can get a sense of the fitness level underneath the excess fat. How are their calves and biceps? Tight midriff baring short sleeved shirt and a skirt (thigh high makes guys fly as they say), angled shoes (forcing the leg muscles to flex and increase definition) the shirt has a deep v-neck to display cleavage, hair is up (to display ears, which should be ornamented) lipstick accentuates mouth drawing attention to teeth, eye makeup to bring out the clarity of the iris and pupils (no cloudiness or spots in this girl!). These things will all increase the display of specific points on the female form that guys are not just culturally reinforced to, but have a biological imperative to fixate on. Your subconscious is deriving all kinds of meaning from these things to decide who you find attractive.

In a mammary centric culture, is it any wonder the bra is such a big deal and girls want to show it off a little? Guys can just take the whole shirt off and show off a well defined chest, abdomen(check out this eight-pack girls!) and biceps(Free Gun Show!) and nobody really cares(except all of those girls scoping out the guys biceps chest and abdomen) but oh my I just saw a bra cup and some cleavage, I might feint from the excitement! Only the people feinting from the impropriety are basically going to be everybody the action isn't even directed at if it is intentional, and if it is not intentional why would somebody even care? Oops a mistake happened, better light the world on fire over it rather than let it pass discretely. Clearly it would be bad for somebody to be sexually exciting to somebody else. Never mind the ten billion other things besides the bra that are being sexualized for purposes of mating rituals of humans.



2ukenkerl
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10 Jul 2009, 10:57 pm

She was probably overrreacting, and it WOULD be silly to talk to the psychiatrist about, but I think all of you may be overreacting ALSO! That could be considered unseemly, and suggestive. I think she was just trying to protect you.



CelticGoddess
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10 Jul 2009, 11:05 pm

elderwanda wrote:
IMO, your reaction just sounds like you weren't being uptight. Your reaction to accidentally showing a bit of bra sounds a lot healthier than your mother's, I think. I mean, why get all upset about it? It was an accident.


Totally agree.



Batz
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10 Jul 2009, 11:19 pm

I say your mom overreacted. It's just a bra, so what? Not's like you're harming anyone.

THhen again, the majority thinks that's inappropriate to do in public. Like how they say about sagging and pulling their pants up. Sure, that's gross to me since I hate seeing drawers, but it's overreacted.