Uncomfortable experience with a psychologist. It gets worse.

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From what people described, it looks like that shrink really is incompetent. I guess she made misguided, stupid attempt to create some sort of a family togetherness moment, but it backfired big time. I wanted to jump up and yell at the shrink for creating a scene like that, but then she'd think: "I was right; he really does have immature emotional development." My dad probably wanted to do it too, although I'm sure he was afraid he'll get accused of having something. Perhaps gender had something to do with it, since the shrink spent most of the session talking to my mom. Either way, the session degenerated into a scene from a tear jerker film, where people have to come to terms with something.

In the psychologist's defense, she did try to do some damage control by giving me a suggestion on how to cope. Namely, it was starting a diary where I can pour out my feelings onto paper. This got polarized reactions: my mom had a "light bulb moment" look, and my dad had a "WTF?" look. I agreed with my dad more on this: writing or talking about unpleasant stuff will not clear it out of the mind. (Interestingly, Scientologists try to do just that during a process called "auditing", and they hate mental health workers with a passion.)

In spite of all that has happened to you in the psychologist's arena, you sound as if you weathered the storm very well and have matured into a very sensible and intelligent person. And if you have children of your own who are on the spectrum you will have insights that your parents did not have, and be able to make sure they don't have to go through what you went through. Or maybe, become a psychologist yourself, or work in some capacity to advance the understanding of AS and make life better for the next generations.

i had a lot of tests like those and one time the doctor had these cards with ink on them and asked me what i see

i guess the truth about the card with a black ink spot is not what they want to hear but that is the truth of what i see

some people tell me to look at the cloud that looks like a rabbit or a duck but all i see is a white spot in the sky

i am not able to look at a spilled patch of ink and see a picture of things so they just called me not cooperating and not able to look them in the eye on command is also supposedly not cooperating

i actually did cooperate and if all i see is a patch of ink on a card or a white spot in the sky then that is what i am going to tell you i see and not the rabbit or duck you can see

hey doctor - try considering the fact that if there is no duck then some people just do not see a duck

if i do not tell them what they want to hear then they always go direct to the not cooperating decision and decide for me what i am supposed to think like they decided that since i do not have many friends then it is automatic that i do not want any and they did not bother with the detail of actually asking if i want friends

just be careful with doctors

Jamieg, I think my situation was like yours, with those tests and all. I think I did OK on the Rorschach test, though, at least the psychologist didn't tell me if my answers were right or wrong. I don't remember what answers I gave, but if you look up "Rorschach Test" on Wikipedia, it'll show the images of all the inkblots. So if you'll be taking such a test in the future, you can review the inkblots, and come up with "good" responses.

On the other hand, I was completely tripped up by the situational questions. Despite what that idiot shrink wanted me to believe, there was a right answer. For example:
Psychologist: If there is a fire at your neighbors' home, what can you do?
Aspie1: Call 911.
Psychologist: What else can you do?
Aspie1: <confused by the question, knowing it's a job for trained firefighters>
Psychologist: What else can you do? (I thought she wanted a fictional answer here.)
Aspie1: Try to climb in through the window, and if the fire is small enough, put it out myself.
The second question was a trap! I'm sure the correct answer was: "Nothing I should attempt myself; this is a job for trained firefighters." But she persisted with the question, so due to my naivety, I told her my real thoughts. In the end, the diagnosed me as having "immature emotional development". I wonder what she would diagnose me with if I said: "Try to put out the fire by peeing on it."

You probably noticed I'm posting a lot in this thread. I just feel strongly about it, and want to let other aspies know about how conniving and manipulative shrinks can be, like with the question about the fire.

Many years ago my house caught fire. My husband and I were asleeo at the time. Our neighbors stay up later than us and they saw the smoke. What did they do?

They called 911.


What else did they do?

Nothing.

The firemen came, got us out of the house, put out the fire, gave us a lecture about smoke detectors.

Moral of the story? You gave the right answer. I've lived through that hypothetical situation and the neighbors did exactly what you said you would do. They didn't do anything else because there isn't anything else. I don't know what the shrink was getting at prompting you to think up something else. Maybe it was a mindgame to see how you would react if pushed to give an answer you didn't have???? I don't know. I'm not a shrink. But for the record, "call 911" is what a good neighbor does- and did for me.

Yeesh! Shrinks!

yes, a good neighbor does call 911. luckily for me, a good neighbor called 911 and banged on my door otherwise I wouldn't have known my building was on fire because it was on my balcony. I know it was risky that they did that, but I'm glad they did. probably the correct answer will be "call 911" but I guess I'd also answer "bang on the door to alert anyone inside and unaware of the fire".

is that immature? I can't bring myself to feel that it's immature.

I took similar tests several times in life but the one I remember most clearly was at the Department of Rehabilitation. I didn't have a great experience there. I went in expecting all this support and a miracle, I guess. Instead I got more of what I am used to, "If you don't stay in college and get your degree you will have to pay every penny back we spent on you." and "When you graduate you are going to have to take a job with DHS even if you don't want to." or something along those lines. These declarations really surprised me to say the least. I was sorta stunned by her saying these things to me and talking to me like I was completely incapable when she had my transcripts in front of her and I explained everything to her, what, specifically I was having problems with. I only needed their help, at that time, in one subject, or so I thought. The other subjects I had no problems with.
The man who administered the tests wasn't very friendly toward me. It wasn't a completely bad experience but I remember wondering why he was so disdainful of me. I am used to it though so I shrugged it off. Maybe it's because I am so unanimated and they don't know how to "catagorize" me, exactly? I tend to look a bit sullen without realizing it so maybe I was wearing my sullen look this time? Or perhaps somewhat unfriendly which is why, nowadays, I always smile at people but when I was taking those tests I wasn't doing the smiling thing yet and still in the dark about why people responded the way they did. People have told me to smile for as long as I can remember because ever since we moved here smiles have been few and far between. But, now, I do smile long enough to not look menacing, at least.
After I took the tests the supervisor told me the results but I thought she was rude when she talked me out of trying to get my college degree when she had my transcripts in front of her. I have no idea why she did that. Strange. It weakened my resolve because it caught me off guard and I was just so...surprised. I was expecting them to actually help me out. I'm not sure if it's ethical or not to tell results while in the room. When I was a kid "they" never told me anything and it was always up to my mom to clue me in at her discretion so maybe your counselor should have done this too?
"They" tend to think of depressions as a chemical imbalance so they don't believe they can send anyone into a depression so she probably doesn't believe she caused a depression in you.
It's true, they can be rude.

I got my testing done when I was very young. According to my mother, they assumed I was ret*d from the get go (I never spoke much I was three), then fully autistic as a toddler ( I used to be a head hitter, then evolved to nail biting). They finally got it right when I was eight. I really can't remember any of this... in fact, what day is it? Is it still 2009? I always seem to forget stuff like that...

After two pages of venting about the unpleasantness of seeing a psychologist, I thought I should lighten the mood a little. Here's a quick psychology joke.

A mother takes her son to a child psychiatrist for an evaluation. The psychiatrist asks the mother some introductory questions, then proceeds to work with the child. He tries to get him to open up by engaging him in conversation about animals.
"Do you like cats?"
"Yes."
"Can you show me how big a cat is."
"This big." (holds his hands about 18 inches apart)
"Can you give me examples of what color cats are?"
"Black, white, striped, or many colors."
"What shape are a cat's ears?"
"Triangles."
"How many eyes does a cat have?"
At this point, the child turns to his mother, and asks: "How is it possible that this man never saw a cat before?"

Music
Comedic satire
Fireworks
Drawing
Reading Science books
Exercise
Lone work and study
Going on holiday
Having a laugh with supportive friends and family
Good Customer service
Telling things to a large audience
Being in a productive environment with a strong ethos and supportive culture


People honestly listening to me and accepting me for who I am (no label attached)

These are the things that have worked for me.


Talking to someone about my "feelings", who speaks to me in a condescending tone and thinks s/he knows far more about what's going on (or should be going on!) in my head than better I do has never worked.

It's made me feel worse.

I've found that I'm the best expert on myself, it's applying that knowledge in a practical way to the real, unpredictable world that sometimes causes problems.


I've also found it useful to share and discuss ideas with someone on an even plane to help me take responsibility for my own actions and work things out for myself. Also, the other person using and accepting those ideas as valid interpretations of the world has been helpful too.

This has been far more productive for me than talking to someone (who believes s/he is superior to me) who thinks I can't possibly carry out an intelligible conversation or hold valid view points. This person automatically "writes off" my ideas and contributions because I supposedly "have" X and therefore am "sick" or "inferior".


Perhaps the best support one can have is someone openly admitting that they've tried their very best to understand, be a friend and help you, but may never really quite grasp the essence of you.

This is much better than having someone tell you that s/he knows what's exactly best for you, after talking for only five minutes and studying a text book, and if you don't make the effort to fit a preconceived mold that you're "defective" or "sick" in some way.

Another thing I really don't understand:

Why get labeled or diagnosed if it does more harm than good?


I really don't understand, how is making other people more afraid of you and driving them away due to the stigma of the label supposed to help with socialising?

How is putting someone on the "special" pedestal and sending them to a psychologist, who probably knows less about the real situation and the "condition" than the person in question?

What if the issues are just the person's natural personality exacerbated by factors in the surrounding environment?

What if it's just the "way things are" and some people simply aren't built for handling demanding social situations or just don't pick up non-verbal cues as fast?

I've seen many professionals, but they seem confused or didn't know enough.
They've assumed many things about me which simply aren't true, but I'll forgive them because they were looking at the situation from the outside, not the inside.

I think I could explain my situation better to them than they ever could to me, so why were they so reluctant to let me voice my opinion?


The only things that's worked have been: a strong ethos to work in; an environment where people have just accepted me as I am and no negative label.


Surely these issues of reading non-verbal and social cues could be addressed in a more sensible and productive manner without the negative labeling/stigma. With proper communication and appreciation of different mental operating systems too.

With unstigmatising and unsyndromising education, people wouldn't be so afraid and everyone would know where they stood.



Edit:

I don't believe that I ever really needed psychologists or therapists to ask me "how I felt" and interfere with my life.

What I needed was an understanding social/work environment with a strong ethos that accepted me as I was.

Just a few genuine people to get my jokes, laugh with me, let me work alone and say "Good job" when I deserved it.

When I have experienced this kind of environment, the results have been fantastic.