Parents of AS and AS themselves at odds? Why?

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Great! I will check out your site, too. I didn't know that MySpace had groups, so it will be a new experience.

Not MySpace (i was only comparing it to MySpace)......Cafemom. It's a totally different site. I go by the same name on there as I do here. www.cafemom.com

I don't believe my post was wored accurately enough to represent my veiws When speaking of mothers, i was talking about a small group as opposed to mothers in general. I'm glad that you were elated, my mother was elated when i was given a diagnosis as well.

After I posted that it occurred to me that the link you provided was for Cafemom. I just joined up. Cafemom is an interesting site. Thanks!

So many interesting insights here.
To add one more: I think when people get on a forum to rant, they want to be validated and not confronted. When you are already upset, a contrary word can make you blow up and spout all kinds of nonsense.

This is SO true!! Some people just have an agenda, too. They are just there to pick a fight! That is the worst....

I'll check out the cafemom site soon. I lost my dog this afternoon, so am a bit distracted right now.

My son was diagnosed earlier this year, after a very long wait for assessment. This morning I managed to pluck up the courage to ask my GP to refer me for an assessment myself. I'm not convinced that I will get a diagnosis, but I seem to have more autistic traits than the average person, and I'd like to have my curiosity satisfied one way or another.

ETA: The dog is lost as in missing, not lost as in dead. I'm hopeful that she has been found as a dog matching her description was seen in a local supermarket with someone who was asking if she belonged to anyone.

Last edited by Marcia on 16 Jul 2009, 5:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Interesting post. I've recently started a meetup group in my hometown for this very purpose. It seems there are groups for autistic people or groups for parents of autistic children. I've started a group for both so we can all learn from each other. It only has five members so far and the first meet is scheduled for next week. I really want it to go well so fingers crossed...

Sometimes, parents of children with varying severities of autism (not just the severe ones) tend to get very defensive when confronted with a person with an ASD who is more successful than their child. This can get even more so true when both autistic people are adults.

It's because they often feel that their parenting skills are being threatened by the presence of the higher-functioning individual.

Their children don't seem to be succeeding, so they chalk it up entirely due to the ASD and rationalize in their minds that "I've done the best I possibly can, my child's failures have nothing to do with me". The existence of someone with the same diagnosis as their child who has acheived milestones such as post-secondary education (and just secondary education in some cases), part and or full-time employment, marriage, parenthood etc puts a giant wrench in their rationalization of their child's shortcomings.

So, they get rid of their cognitive dissonance by further rationalizing the situation, dismissing the more successful person as a 'fake' and an 'attention-seeker' who is 'mocking their immense struggles' by 'pretending to have autism/AS'.

You'll see that happen here on WP from time to time.

Just my perspective, but people dont want to be told they're wrong, ESPECIALLY A MOTHER. Mother's know best and a moms wisdom is her experience, and all that nonsense. No one wants to be told their child is falling behind because they're holding them back, or not pushing them forward enough. That they dont understand whats really wrong, or what thier child needs to improve. Many mother's are nt and their husband(or the father) is the one somewhere on the spectrum. In that case, they DEFINITLY dont take kind to being told even a different point of view, let alone that they're wrong.

Not too mention, we live in a society, not the real world anymore. The real world has no conjunction with lines on a map, or rules to follow, no religions, no governments, no corporations. Its just a wild planet, and as humans. we've placed our concepts in action. The popular thought wins, not the correct one, although there are exceptions. With that in mind, if you arent speaking like the rest of the crowd, YOU MUST BE WRONG. Thats the general ideal this system follows.

"The nail that sticks out will be hammered down" -Japanese proverb. Well you're sticking out amongst the ignorant crowd of mothers who know not what its like to be ON THE SPECTRUM. They can only guess, wonder, ponder, insinuate and observe. If they are unwilling to accept your advice and opinion, they don't deserve to know it in the first place.

+1

The bulk of "therapy" that most therapists deal with is just sitting there listening to someone whine about what they feel is wrong in their life and giving a sincere-sounding "you're right" as needed.

People want an outside person to validate their pain, their struggle. After that, it might be possible to help them, but what they want is to vent.

WP works in that capacity as well. Do we not all like coming here because we find out we aren't alone in the "weirdness" we thought we were trapped in? Others telling us that it's okay to have AS has a therapeutic effect.

I never thought about that other people work like that. It makes sense though!
Thanks for bringing this up, I guess.

That's the puzzler. Of course they want to rant. There are plenty of rants on WP too. But after the rant is over, you would think they'd want some tips on how to address the problems that set off the rant in the first place. That's where you come in, in theory. And it should be inspiring to see somebody who represents a less-bleak possibility for the future than they are getting from their childrens' doctors. Hopelessness and despair leads to rants. But after the rant has been ranted, there should be room for the things that can lead to hope and away from despair. To rant and rant and rant but never listen to inspiring stories and helpful info that could make those rants a moot point really isn't thinking too clearly.

Before a person can accept help, they must first accept there is a problem. Some get to that stage faster than others.

Thanks for all the replies here. I can't reply to them all....I was reading through and thinking of comments, and then reading others and forgetting them LOL. Everyone made really great points though, I agree with them all. I am still replying to things in the groups from time-to-time. No one really replies, but hopefully the many people who are just lurking are reading it anyway. I know, from my one friend who is a parent of an autistic child, that there ARE parents out there who really want to get into their child's head and understand them, so I think I should keep giving input.

I have always had this somewhat naive/innocent sense that I can change at least SOME peoples' minds by just being a good example and trying to give them my perspective nicely. I know it's naive, and it usually doesn't work....but then again, I myself have gone from being hard-headed about something to changing my mind by learning about it, so I know it's possible for SOME