Do you get a sense of disapproval from people?

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iniudan
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08 Aug 2009, 11:44 pm

Aoi wrote:
That would be very appealing except that I'm in my 40s. It's a little late to embark on the path toward a doctorate and a new career, to say nothing of expensive.



Never too late for studying, for a career I admit that other thing. But if there is an university with astronomy or an observatory close by I guess it could still be good to look around if you could find something of interest, could have info about astronomy related group/activity or astronomical research document (if you developed your knowledge enough by yourself I think that last one could be very interesting)

I admit it easier for me to say then do, but just trying to give solution that logically should be available (In practice through I got no idea)



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08 Aug 2009, 11:55 pm

CaroleTucson wrote:
I sense disapproval from most people. I've been told that it's not real ... that is, people don't really "disapprove" of me. So I figure it's just one more example of my distorted reading of non-verbal cues, and I try to disregard the feeling. Still, it's very stressful, and periodically, it becomes overwhelming and I just sorta shut down.

My solution is to go out into a wilderness area (there are lots of them in my state, and in the West in general), and "lose" myself in solitude. That's the only thing that relieves the stress.

Do anyone else feel this, and what do you do about it?


Yes I feel that way, too. But sometimes I'll tell my husband that I am getting bad vibes from someone or that I'm reading someone's body language that they don't like me and he tells me he didn't see it or that it's all in my head. Funny thing is though, I think my husband is AS, too. So maybe he's missing things as well.

But there are some things that cannot be disputed. Like seeing someone roll their eyes when you say something, or when they something rude and walk off.

My husband and I don't have any friends. All we have is each other, our kids and our family. Yeah, I'd say people disapprove of both of us....



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09 Aug 2009, 7:53 pm

I sometimes go to reunions with law school graduates. The problem is that I didn't go to law school, I went to the other department represented at these gatherings. The lawyers seem to form a mass in the center while the other non-lawyer and I circle around, occasionally finding someone to converse with. Once, there was someone I wanted to meet, but I couldn't get his attention and he left. When law students attend, it's easier, probably because they want to connect with anyone who may be of help.

When I was an undergrad, I was in the student government. I somehow managed to get elected with heavy, non-Greek support. As part of my duties, I went to a freshman orientation. The Americans seemed to have organized themselves into cliques and acted standoffish: averting their gaze when I looked at them and often sneering at me. I don't know whether it was my AS, skinniness, or some other difference they were picking up on. I did, however, find the students who were alone and introduced myself by way of welcoming them and easing their loneliness. Although my position could be a conversation starter, I never got a response beyond a formality. I ended up with the international students, who were less conformist and judgmental. After all, if students of several nations have gathered together, how are they to reject someone of a different nationality.


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09 Aug 2009, 8:19 pm

CaroleTucson wrote:
I sense disapproval from most people. I've been told that it's not real ... that is, people don't really "disapprove" of me. So I figure it's just one more example of my distorted reading of non-verbal cues, and I try to disregard the feeling. Still, it's very stressful, and periodically, it becomes overwhelming and I just sorta shut down.

My solution is to go out into a wilderness area (there are lots of them in my state, and in the West in general), and "lose" myself in solitude. That's the only thing that relieves the stress.

Do anyone else feel this, and what do you do about it?

I feel that too but i have learned to care a lot less.



Pook
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09 Aug 2009, 9:16 pm

Yup I have that sense myself.

I'm sure sometimes I am wrong and other times Well errr Im right. I know I've been accused of shoplifting and I suppose they thought I was loitering *actually my car needed fluid on a constant basis so I checked it and looked through the magazine rack* and this butthead rude cop totally embarassed me in front of the whole store. The trooper was local and a REal jerk, but I think he has retired by now thankfully :lol: Looking back on it now I wish I would've tried to report him...



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09 Aug 2009, 10:12 pm

People have told me that I've imagined disapproval as well. If I tell someone something and they don't seem to react then I think they must disapprove of what I said and want me to be quiet. However my mum told me that people are reacting, they are listening...I'm just not realizing it. :?
This probably comes from a combination of expecting people to dislike me and not being able to read subtle social cues, even though I think I can at the time.


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TheDoctor82
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12 Aug 2009, 6:05 am

Of course!

As I always tell people "the only cues I can pick up via body language from other people are when they don't like me...and I get that quite a lot! Usually, either they don't like me, or they don't care."



rathernotsay
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12 Aug 2009, 6:14 am

I get a sense of disaproval whenever I start to interact on forums like this.



CaroleTucson
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12 Aug 2009, 7:08 am

Nim wrote:
Its good to see someone from my own state on the forum btw - there aren't many of us.


You're in Phoenix? Are you managing to stay cool? :)



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12 Aug 2009, 7:15 am

I also tend to perceive people as pissed off at me whether they are or not. I think because I mix up facial expressions. Angry, concentrated, or neutral look a lot alike to me.


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12 Aug 2009, 7:19 am

Thank you everyone who responded in this thread :)

Reading over the thread again is very interesting and raises some questions in my mind.

When you sense disapproval, is it before or after you've interacted with the person? I think in my case, it's split about evenly between both. This question can be difficult to answer, because oftentimes we don't really know if the disapproval that we sense is really there or not, and there's no simple way to find out.

I also wanted to ask how it affects you personally. To me, it's devastating because I don't like conflict of any kind. I guess I'm way too thin-skinned, but a "disapproval episode" can throw me into a tailspin for days, during which time I'm tentative and hesitant to approach anyone.

How about you guys?



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12 Aug 2009, 7:27 am

LabPet wrote:
Yes, at times - and that sense is real, not my imagination! Although Lab Pet is not intuitive, in the classic sense, plus I do lack in 'reading' another, there can be that intense disapproval (? right word) or just that 'it's not right.'

Absolutely this shouldn't be ignored. I've had some positively LOUSY advice (by others who just don't know), that say, in effect, "Oh, it's just your imagintion...blah blah blah."

No it's not. Animals too detect that 'sense that it's just not right.' Because they do know - as do I.

The problem is that I truly cannot 'read' another's motive or intent so I'm left....mind blind! Quite like a visual cliff and I'm extraordinarily trusting and can be really naive. But my animal sense exists.

I had/have a professor, whom I 'liked' and did everything to please him - and I did. But I 'knew,' or sensed, his disapproval and/or weird conceptions about me (about my Autism, specifically). Then.....WHAM! He really showed his true colors (to use a euphanism). That sense shouldn't be ignored. The problem is that as an Autist, or anyone for that matter, we cannot ask "So....what's the matter?" This is socially wrong, like asking "But WHY don't you like me?" We don't have this option. So it's scary when that sense occurs. With this particular professor I could smell adrenanline on his person - not kidding. I later did tell my advisor, whom I do trust. He believed me and knew I wasn't just making it up.

If I get that scent, in the utmost literal terms, there's a problem. And I'm on guard.



Wow I wish I could do that I found out the hard way! Over a school issue the officials went to talk to the teachers and my Psychology teacher whom I questioned daily and knew for a good 6months (I thought I knew her well GUESS NOT!) She told them "I feel this student has crossed the teacher/student line and needs a Psychological Evaluation before returning on campus." I WAS STUNNED and still am to this day!



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12 Aug 2009, 7:35 am

I often feel like an intruder when I try to say something to someone who didn't officially provoke me.

My solution was to just come to care less about people not approving of me. Have become more of a rude jerk as a result.



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12 Aug 2009, 7:43 am

I always feel as though I'm intruding, and frequently feel disapproval from people. Even those people that I shouldn't care about (like the mailman for instance) and even when I haven't directly even done anything to feel approval or not from. Its as if they look at me and I get a feeling from how they look at me.

The way I deal with it? I avoid it. I don't interact with many people outside my home, or even put myself out there.



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12 Aug 2009, 7:44 am

CaroleTucson wrote:
Thank you everyone who responded in this thread :)

Reading over the thread again is very interesting and raises some questions in my mind.

When you sense disapproval, is it before or after you've interacted with the person? I think in my case, it's split about evenly between both. This question can be difficult to answer, because oftentimes we don't really know if the disapproval that we sense is really there or not, and there's no simple way to find out.

I also wanted to ask how it affects you personally. To me, it's devastating because I don't like conflict of any kind. I guess I'm way too thin-skinned, but a "disapproval episode" can throw me into a tailspin for days, during which time I'm tentative and hesitant to approach anyone.

How about you guys?


I'm thin skinned but conditioned by many experiences so maybe this is the reason for this sense of disapproval. A way of bracing myself because there is no armor. Yes an episode will monopolize my thoughts for days and prohibit genuine interaction with people. It helps me to try and understand the person I'm dealing with and not judge them or lash out in anyway. The strange thing is that I'm not looking for approval, I just don't appreciate the idea that someone has a problem with me because I'm minding my own business most all the time.

Oh, and good work in creating an interesting thread topic. :)



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12 Aug 2009, 9:17 am

CaroleTucson wrote:
When you sense disapproval, is it before or after you've interacted with the person?


Good question.

For me, it's the act of grabbing someone's attention. Before, I don't feel disapproval, as the person I intend to talk to is pre-occupied with other things. But right at the point I have to grab thier attention, I often feel like I've just interrupted thier stride. They have to stop what they're doing & listen to me.

After that, I feel that I must "state my business", & it'd better be good to warrant this interruption. Sometimes I get a positive reaction, which I'm relieved to get. But other times, I'm barely acknowleged & feel I've just tried to forcefully interject myself; resulting in a further feeling of disapproval.