'Impossible to live with' ?

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persian85033
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30 Sep 2009, 2:47 pm

Yeah. I get that all the time. :roll:

Alakata
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30 Sep 2009, 3:30 pm

Yeah, my Dad gets really annoyed at me and my resistance to change.

I got shouted at this one time when I was a kid about making too much noise in the morning, so now I find it excruciatingly difficult to go downstairs before at least one other person is up (and am still not comfortable doing anything other than sitting in front of the computer until Dad gets up). What's worse though is I'm used to having to ask permission to do things like cook because I used to make a lot of messes and get scolded for them, so even though he tells me to "use my initiative" I have to keep asking for confirmation or I get really nervous and find ways to avoid it.

I think it really annoys him, but it's frustrating for me too when he shouts about it. I mean, I'd love to help him out more around the house, it's not that I don't realise that he's overworked himself, it's just really hard to go against that 'rule'. And there's not much chance of getting an official diagnosis to convince him that it's not entirely my fault, either

Spazzergasm
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30 Sep 2009, 3:35 pm

i hear ya. . my mother doesnt believe i could possibly have somethingw rong with me. i think its denial maybe? parents are wierd.

hartzofspace
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30 Sep 2009, 4:50 pm

Nightsun wrote:

In Italy we say something that in english should sound like: "You can't have the wife drunk and the bottle filled up at the same time".

I love that quote!

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Shebakoby
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30 Sep 2009, 5:58 pm

C-57D wrote:

My ex-flatmate - who bullied me so badly over my AS, to the point that I was signed off sick from work and was seriously contemplating suicide - used to say I was impossible to live with. I would bend over backwards to accommodate everything she said in an effort to just get along, including doing the cleaning *twice* (she always said that it was never good enough), gave up cooking because she always complained that I hogged the kitchen, never watched TV or DVDs in the lounge (although it was my gear, and she had her own in her room, she'd always come in and change the channel because there was always something on she wanted to watch!), rarely spoke to her (though she had no qualms about giving me hour-long lectures on the most pointless topics), and towards the end didn't even come out of my room except to go to work.

It was pretty awful - no matter how accommodating I tried to be, she got worse and worse. I thought I was being more than reasonable. Every time I stood up for myself she just slapped me down.

I'm glad I have my own place now. She's the one who's impossible to live with.

good lord what is the deal with 'flatmates'. How did you end up with this person as a 'flatmate' in the first place?"

Greentea
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30 Sep 2009, 6:02 pm

granatelli wrote:

If you're someone who has been dxd w/AS and someone is telling you that you are a pain in the ass to live with IMO it wouldn't be much of a stretch. Believe me, and believe them.

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idiocratik
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30 Sep 2009, 6:21 pm

Shebakoby wrote:

Mom occasionally tells me that I am 'impossible to live with'. Anyone else get that from anyone, family or roommates?

I'm usually saying that about anyone I live with cos I'm very particular. I like my place to stay clean and organized, and I don't like a lot of dish clanging and loud voices. Plus, I hate having to do s**t for people who are completely capable of doing it themselves. I just want to be left alone in my space. That doesn't mean I don't want friends, or that I'm withdrawn. I just think I'd be better off living alone.

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granatelli
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30 Sep 2009, 6:34 pm

Greentea wrote:

What's that supposed to mean? Do you find it hard to believe that some people w/AS can have "issues"? : ) Seriously. Between the sensory issues (noise/smell/textures), the rigidity, the stims and inabilty in many cases to see things from another persons perspective, come on, it's no stretch to say that people w/AS are often hard to live with. The high divorce rate would seem to suggest that to be true.

Understand, I'm not saying that people w/AS are bad people, or that they can even help the way that they are in most cases. It just is. There are, let's say, "challenges" in any sort of AS relationship. My AS wife & I have worked ours out. Not everyone can.

ManErg
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01 Oct 2009, 7:30 am

granatelli wrote:

The high divorce rate would seem to suggest that to be true.

The divorce rate is 50% for NT's. So maybe 50% of NT's are impossible to live with too?. With their incessant need for loud noise, continual chatter, exhibitions of social status, infinite emotional needs and their lack of logic in running a house ("I don't understand why we can't spend what we don't have. I WANT IT NOW!! !! !") , it's no surprise, really.

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j0sh
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01 Oct 2009, 7:50 am

I'm a PITA to live with. Parents and roommates have let me know this. I live alone now and prefer it. If I'm too preoccupied with an interest to do house chores for a couple days, nobody gets upset. Having my own space to cool down in after work has also lowered my general anxiety level considerably.

Locustman
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01 Oct 2009, 8:28 am

C-57D wrote:

I'm glad I have my own place now. She's the one who's impossible to live with.

Sure as hell sounds like it. You're well out of that mess.

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Shebakoby
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01 Oct 2009, 11:22 am

The problem, however, is if a person with AS is on disability and thus cannot afford their own place. I have heard from other people on disability (not sure whether they are AS or not) that they're basically forced into 'shotgun weddings' (well not really weddings, just forced to roommate with strangers, but that is the term they use. And they use the term for a REASON). For pete's sake, we only get 325 a month in BC for 'rent' with a total cheque of around 900. It's more if the person has kids. Whereas the average bachelor suite runs average 600-700 a month and 2 bedroom places run about 800-1000. Occasionally this is some utilities included but not always.

This is why I say it makes NO sense to live anywhere else other than a parent's home if you can tolerate your parents.

C-57D
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01 Oct 2009, 12:49 pm

Shebakoby wrote:

good lord what is the deal with 'flatmates'. How did you end up with this person as a 'flatmate' in the first place?"

Quite by accident. There were a group of about 12 of us starting for the same employer over a short period of time, so they held an orientation. Most of the group already lived and worked in London. Three of us had to move, so we decided to pitch in together - at one point they had trouble finding me a post to fill (long story), then I got two weeks' notice to start. I have one deeply lovely ex-flatmate who I see socially, and who I'm very close to (but not romantically) - and then the one who made my life hell was a problem from even the flathunting (which I put down to stress) and again from move-in day (setting a schedule impractical for me, with a 400 mile drive, and then not bringing the kitchen stuff because "I'm going back to my parents' and I'll bring it on Thursday." Of course, we moved in on a Friday...)

So, yeah. Much better off without. I've set my Outlook so that anything from her goes straight to trash, because she still sends the occasional email that I'd rather not see.

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Spazzergasm
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01 Oct 2009, 3:35 pm

C-57D wrote:

good god! you should have beaten her up with a bat in the middle of the night.

hartzofspace
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01 Oct 2009, 4:19 pm

Spazzergasm wrote:

good god! you should have beaten her up with a bat in the middle of the night.

That reminds me of the time that I smacked a snoring roommate in the face, with a rubber thong sandal.

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Spazzergasm
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01 Oct 2009, 4:22 pm

hartzofspace wrote:

Spazzergasm wrote:

good god! you should have beaten her up with a bat in the middle of the night.

That reminds me of the time that I smacked a snoring roommate in the face, with a rubber thong sandal.

haha, ouch! i hope the roomate was being a jerk! that would hurt.

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