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Nightsun
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02 Oct 2009, 4:14 am

jamesp420 wrote:
I got suspended from school by the board for "Intimidating and aggressive body language and posture."
Now I thought this was a little odd, as I don't see myself as intimidating, but I've been asking a few of my friends and they said they see people intimidated by me all the time, especially teachers, but they themselves are not intimidated by me. A few girls even said that they see guys intimidated by me all the time, but they don't find me intimidating to them.
Has anyone else ever been accused of being intimidating, like is this an Aspie thing? Or am I just a beast? hahah


I don't know the law in your country but in Italy if someone suspend for "Intimidating and aggressive body language and posture" I think he/she will lose his/her work all together. If you phisically hurt someone then is different but "Intimidating and aggressive body language and posture" seems bull-shit.
People feel me intimidating. Usually it's a good thing both at school and at work to avoid being bullied.



lotusblossom
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02 Oct 2009, 4:22 am

I often get this from authority figures, I think its because normal people do 'appeasing' or submissive body language in the same situations. I think people mis interperet me showing stress or upset as showing aggression. especially if Im talking passionately about something that is important to me it has been interpereted aggressively by some.

and its not just NTs as my ex aspie boyfriend was always making 'intimidation' accusations toward me when I was just stressed.

People miss reading me so badly makes me give up on people more and isolate myself more as I am not sure how to move my face or body in a way that makes things better, which is especialy confusing when other people do not percieve me so negatively (i dont know whose opinion is right).



Magicfly
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02 Oct 2009, 9:35 am

Yes, all through my life from my parents to my partner, I'm told I can look very intimidating, especially when I'm starting to lose it a little bit.

Doesn't help I'm very well-built and about a foot taller than all the ladies here.....



sartresue
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02 Oct 2009, 10:24 am

Timidity and intimidation topic

If someone referred to me as someone who brought out the timid in others, I would be quite surprised. I would also ask them why.

Methinks the bigger ones enjoy that feeling of power. Use it wisely. 8)


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racooneyes
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02 Oct 2009, 10:46 am

I've been told this too and i'm not a big guy. I think a lot may just be down to gestures. If you'r the kind of aspie who doesn't use many or is kind of rigid then it could be like Pschristmas says with the projecting. If you're the kind of aspie who uses exagerated mannerisms then that can actually be quite threatening looking. Intruding into other's personal space can be intimidating too.

I think a good idea would be to study what makes an NT person intimidating or scary, you'll find it in a psychology book somewhere, then look closesly at your own behaviour and look for the similarities. Then once you know what makes you intimidating (we can't tell you without a video or meeting you in person) you can either iliminate it or ease it back a little if you want to.

I reckon this is the only way we can sort these kind of problems as NTs can't help much due to not wanting to offend and people on the boards can't help much due to not knowing you personally. Hopefully this helps though.

People are correct in saying you should use your intimidating presence to your advantage but if you're not really sure what it is that people find intimidating you may not be able to.


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beetle812
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02 Oct 2009, 11:03 am

This is interesting because at my last job I was repeatedly told by management that the other employees found me to be unapproachable and I think on one occasion even used the word "scared" to describe what I perceive as their own weakness. They didn't feel the warm fuzzies from me. Well, that's because I don't radiate any. Get over it people. Business is business.



AngryJessman
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05 Oct 2009, 7:12 am

in fact recently i was told by a friend that i was intimidating,
he was the first to not be scared and tell me the truth, im sure school teachers and classmates thought about it
he said i can suddenly raise my vioce
(i normally like to talk with "passion" i reckon ha ha that my excuse!) and use very intimidating body language too,
i sorta do it on purpose to make a hard hitting point or joke, or just to make my words sound better and not like a mouse or like i have low courage, i thank him alot for telling me because when i talk now i watch my level of my voice

im really not a bad guy and i wish girls aren't intimidated by me,
because seriously i can be a good friend and a bloody excellent bf, ok maybe not excellent but more respectfull
than how my old friends treat their gf's, but anyways yeah ive been told thast too!



Averick
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05 Oct 2009, 12:48 pm

To complete surprise and self-discovery, I too have been labeled "intimidating". I still not sure why, but I think it has something to do with my need to be outspoken. As for my posture, gawd, who knows. Think about it though, if your actions are still innocent, you have nothing to fear.


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racooneyes
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05 Oct 2009, 2:39 pm

Averick wrote:
Think about it though, if your actions are still innocent, you have nothing to fear.


If you're innocent you have nothing to fear? Hmmm, doesn't work like that i'm afraid :hmph: Do something intimidating and that's how people see it no matter the intention :?


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WoodenNickel
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05 Oct 2009, 7:19 pm

I can be very intimidating, even I don't intend to. Sometimes, it can be useful when I'm trying to get someone recalcitrant to do his job. My instinct to stand up for myself also deters bullies.

Still, I can be unintentionally intimidating. I'm usually the smartest person in the room. That tends to bring out people's insecurities. My body language is always dominant, which I think signals to interviewers that I'm not a submissive team player. Then all of the quirks associated with my autism (mild) can be intimidating.


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Zonder
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05 Oct 2009, 8:01 pm

"Intimidating"
"Standoffish"
"Odd Duck"

Three things I've been called in the last year or so.

Z



Sati
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05 Oct 2009, 8:09 pm

I've also been told I'm intimidating (but not physically). I don't understand it at all :(



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06 Oct 2009, 8:25 am

I've been called intimidating, but not in a physical way. I'm just brainy and quiet.


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racooneyes
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06 Oct 2009, 8:45 am

From the 1st place I looked...

Quote:
Intimidation - Threatening behaviours are supposed to be a maladaptive outgrowth of normal competitive urge for interrelational dominance generally seen in animals.

Like all behavioral traits it exists in greater or lesser manifestation in each individual person over time, but may be a more significant "compensatory behavior" for some as opposed to others. Behavioral theorists often see threatening behaviours as a consequence of being threatened by others, including parents, authority figures, playmates and siblings.

Intimidation may be employed consciously or unconsciously, and a percentage of people who employ it consciously may do so as the result of selfishly rationalized notions of its appropriation, utility or self-empowerment.

Intimidation may be manifested in such manner as physical contacts, glowering countenance, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, making someone feel lower than you, purposeful embarrassment and/or actual physical assault. “Behavior may include, but is not limited to, epithets, derogatory comments or slurs and lewd propositions, assault, impeding or blocking movement, offensive touching or any physical interference with normal work or movement, and visual insults, such as derogatory posters or cartoons.”[5]


so it's probably not something you're doing consciously but you will need to use your conscious mind to stop it, if you want to.

Quote:
from a psychology blog - In my experience, intimidation can take many different forms – it can be words, actions, simply a glance, or the company that you find yourself in.


it's not just the ovbviously threatening things that intimidate, if you frown a lot or never smile for instance or never look someone in the eye that can be intimidating to people who've never experienced such behaviour. Going up to them and telling them they need to get used to it would probably be intimidating too.
If you seem to use your intelligence as a way of making others feel small then that can be seen as intimidating. Note in the last sentence I said 'seem to', doesn't matter what your intentions are if other people see it as intimidating then it is.


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Last edited by racooneyes on 06 Oct 2009, 8:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

Vector
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06 Oct 2009, 8:45 am

I am intimidating.

Because I am smart and highly focused and odd.

There are worse things to be.



racooneyes
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06 Oct 2009, 8:49 am

Vector wrote:

Because I am smart and highly focused and odd.


If that's your picture in your avatar then those aren't the only reasons dude, you look like an ex marine or MMA fighter, hard as nails anyway. There are indeed worse things to be ;)

Try to avoid jutting your chin out as in the picture as this is a universal sign of aggression. I used to do that all the time.

Also if you keep trying to get your point across when noone's interested that is seen as aggressive behaviour too *end irony*.


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read all the pamphlets and watch the tapes!

get all confused and then mix up the dates.