This is probably going to be a DUH moment

Post Reply New Topic

Oh, gosh, I still feel that. Like there's some big secret about me that everyone in my family is keeping from me. I used to be absolutely sure I was adopted, even after I saw my birth certificate...I look too much like my dad for that to be true.

But I used to get accused of being a gypsy (this was back before anyone used the term Róma for that particular ethnic minority), and for a long time I thought they'd left me on the doorstep as a baby and that one day they'd be along to get me back.

I kept waiting for my real parents to come and get me... obviously the people I was living with didn't love me and I didn't look like them... they're dark complected and I'm fair... and then sometimes I felt like someone inside looking out another body's eyeholes and wondering if I was another kind of being who had landed in the wrong body (I think this was after I'd heard about space aliens)...

I've often wondered if it was an effect of the trauma of being the kid I was in the family I was in...

Before I learned about Asperger's, I kept wondering how I'd managed to get some kind of reactive attachment disorder despite a perfectly good mother. I still wonder how in the world I managed to learn about RAD before Asperger's; RAD's a lot more rare. Turns out I was rejecting hugs, speaking oddly, having tantrums, incapable of making friends, and generally being a very strange child for a completely different reason. I never took the RAD theory very seriously, since as I'd noted I didn't have any early neglect, but I was quite mystified by my own strangeness nevertheless and became quite fascinated with psychology as a result.

heh, that's funny. I fantasized all the time that I was adopted. the older I got the more I looked like my parents, but for a long time I was sure I didn't belong to them, especially my mother.