CanadianRose wrote:
Hi.
I was having Thanksgiving dinner with my sister and family (we celebrate this weekend in Canada). My sister is a neurotypical, suburban mother, married with two neurotypical children. They are not "rich", but fairly comfortable (fully paid for home, time shares, two fully paid for vehicles and the means to go on a few vacations every year and have nice clothes and things without carrying a any debt). They are just "perfect"
My sister is not a "bad" person, just a sheltered one. She cares about my autistic son and encourages different therapies to assist him to live to full potential (some of her recommendations are nonsensical, such as "DAN Doctors," some are reasonable, such as OTs used successfully by her friends who have children on the spectrum). She thinks that Autism Speaks is a wonderful organization.
I explained to her that I am not crazy about Autism Speaks because of their concentration on "finding a cure" rather than putting more $$$ for helping with inclusion. I also advised her that there are no adults with autism or aspergers on their board of directors or on their staff and that they do not consult with adults on the spectrum to help plan policy.
She wrinkled her nose at me at said, "Wouldn't you want your son cured." I said, "No, not necessarily. Autism is a part of what my son is. He will have his own way of doing things, but I accept him the way that he is and trust that he will grow and develop into a wonderful asset to society in his own way."
My sister was dumbfounded. She said that it would be better that autism could be prevented from the onset.
I tried to explain why neurodiversity is important. There is a good chance that having "autism" in the gene pool is protecting the human species in other ways. Also, the "gene" for autism might be in all of us - it might be a part of who all of us are - just some people are further on the spectrum then others. If we "eradicate" it - we might be eradicating Bill Gates and most scientists and mathematicians (as well as many other hardworking people in all areas).
My sister just scoffed at this.
Here is the thing - if anything ever happened to my husband or I, my sister is the only person within my family who I have who would be able to raise my children (my son is four, my daughter (neurotypical) is two). I do not want to to destroy the relationship with my sister however, I would invite anyone on this forum to help me find the words and the arguments to help sway her away from thinking that anything that isn't "normal" by her definition should be eradicated.
Please no "Canadian Rose sister bashing" and no foul language or violent thoughts to her. She is my sister.
However, in your words, explaining with level headed language, tell her why autism is not a bad thing and is important for humanity.
Thanks.
Education is first and foremost. Ask questions - would she have suggested that Helen Keller be killed, or cured? What of those with other conditions? Why do we find adaptions for those who are affected by other conditions, but have a deep fear of the relatively invisible state of being on the autistic spectrum? In order to change, one must be able to see things differently... which isn't just an ASD complication. Beliefs are ingrained and affect our perceptions; to paraphrase, "he who complies against his will is of the same opinion still" - we cannot force people to have different beliefs. You could also bring up a variation of the disease argument, in that a species with a smaller gene pool is less able to adapt to a change in circumstances, or survive a pandemic because of the homogeneous nature of their ability to react. While I do not agree that those on the spectrum are necessarily predisposed to greater intelligence, there is some basis to the idea that many of the revolutionary ideas in human society came from those who saw things differently. Being on the spectrum does mean that one's perception of the world is fundamentally different than those who are not, which in turn provides a greater vision of what-might-be instead of simply seeing what is expected. Lastly, I find perseverance to be an admirable quality - is that something she would seek to cure?
M.
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My thanks to all the wonderful members here; I will miss the opportunity to continue to learn and work with you.
For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.
So long, and thanks for all the fish!
12 Oct 2009, 10:52 pm
