Talking

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Spontaneous conversation can be a problem for me, because I don't get a chance to rehearse what I'm going to say. I guess that's why people who I know professionally or who are acquaintances think I'm normal. They rarely get off-the-cuff speech from me. Just "chatting" with people, however, is a minefield. They will misinterpret a comment of mine. Or I will stress out if I disagree with them about how to express my disagreement without deeply offending them. Sometimes I just blurt it out and change the subject immediately ("Oh look--a yellow-rumped warbler!") The most draining part of hiking with someone for me is that I usually have to talk with them.

I love written/typed communication 'cause I can edit it.

I have a difficult time having conversations with people in general. Especially if it is just some random talk. However, I do find it easier to talk about things that I am interested in or that takes up a lot of my time, such as hobbies, work, and school. When someone starts to talk to me about something random, I sometimes don't answer right away and kind of stutter. That gets tiring for me.

Yes, I find talking very hard. I rarely talk at all unless I need to for practical reasons and I keep it short.

I don't usually talk to myself out loud and when I'm with other people I talk very little. The more people are around, the less I talk.

There are only two people I know who can get me to talk a lot (only in one on one situations though). They listen and are open minded and interested in what I have to say and they have many interesting things to say too and they pretty much skip small talk and don't expect me to pick up on some invisible messages either, so I just feel very comfortable talking to them. I get physically exhausted from it though. After just a few minutes of talking my jaw starts shaking and the muscles in my faces start aching and it becomes harder to talk (it feels like my vocal cords become heavier), but since I meet those people so rarely I just ignore the exhaustion and try to continue talking.

What I don't get about a lot of people is why they keep telling me I should talk more and socialize more, but when I try to they completely ignore me and act like I'm not there and like I'm not talking to them. How can they be surprised I don't talk much if they always do this to me?

Im alright with talking.

I always find it hard to verbalize what I want to say. I can write it down perfectly, but to tell somebody it is very difficult for me. Often times I lose words and it doesn't come out right at all. Very frustrating.

I have the same problem. I need a moment to think about what I want to say and how to verbalize my thoughts. That's easy when writing, but in live conversations there just isn't room for this, people want the conversation to flow fast. That's why I usually can't participate in other conversations than one on one. I don't get the chance to respond to anything or speak my mind because another person always responds faster and the subject keeps changing in a slightly different direction and people have no patience for my poor conversation skills.

I have this problem too. I get sort of freaked out if someone talks to me. I find it easiest to communicate if we share a common interest or if we are discussing something I know a lot about.

if we are very good friends, and i know i can say most thoughts, i talk pretty freely. if we are acquaintances, i find it uncomfortable. also, my state of mind matters a lot. i find sometimes it is physically uncomfortable to even talk, whilst other times with my friends i cannot stop talking.

If I'm comfortable with the person, I'll not have a problem. When I text my brother he will always call me and I am never prepared for conversation and I am stumped. I don't like calls from out of no-where.

Trying to keep a conversation going with a subject I have no advanced interest in can be a challenge and I find something eventually, but there is an awkward silence

I also can't do anything while I talk. Even walking. I must give the other person my full attention. If I'm walking with them, I can't look where I'm going, as I have to face towards them, and if I'm eating, I can't even concentrate on my food.

I hate IMing. The only time I do it is with my husband when he's at work, if I have a quick question. I don't like talking on the phone, and for some reason, it's especially hard to talk on the phone with him. I've tried chatrooms, but the conversation goes too quick and gets confusing.

Your comment about your wife's friends made me think, "What?! His wife has multiple friends?! How weird!" Ha ha! I've never had more than one friend at a time, and certainly not ones who would actually come to my house! I guess I'm the weird one, but still, that took me aback for a moment.

And then, the thing about your conversations always being about the same things--- Well, this might sound daft, but do people usually talk about a wider variety of things than that? I thought it was pretty normal for people to have a selection of preferred topics. In my friendships and relationships, the conversation is always about certain things. When my mom visits, we talk about movies, politics, and family (within certain parameters.) When my dad visits, he talks about his garden and the lastest Great Courses CD he listened to. My husband and I talk about movies, Monty Python, British culture, and the Industrial Revolution. I don't talk about sports or stereo equipment, or soy products with anyone.

Do your wife and her friends talk about different things each time they meet?

Just wondering.

yeah, i'm so jealous when i see deaf people signing, it's so beautiful, words are so hm well ugly , but then again, being deaf means not hearing music
often i thought ... if it wasn't for the music and nice sounds...

but then again i'm a language teacher
i'd rather be an art teacher (less words, more images) , but that i have realised far too late

I agree; if you listen to non-AS people 'chatting', they don't really cover a great range of subjects. I think that what may make it seem as if they do is that they tend to talk about people more often than topics. When they're talking about all the little things that people they know have said to them and been doing, it might create the illusion of a lot of different subjects when it's really not.

I get a headache and very physically tired if I have to talk for long periods of time, even if it's a subject I'm interested in.

Thinking and talking is hard for me. I even have tried this when I'm alone. A thought comes to me and I start out fine, then a mind blank so I have to re-think what I was going to say and then I start jumbling words up and mispronouncing them.
I can only tolerate this for a short time. Having a long conversation would be impossible. Sometimes I think people can't understand me properly. I remember singing a song and someone said 'you're singing the wrong words' but I was actually spot on.
It happens all the time so I just have to live with it.

Sometimes I can't be bothered to talk to people out loud.

That describes me perfectly too.

I also have APD Decoding Deficit which makes me bad at hearing when theres noise around or other people speaking so i dont tend to add anything to group conversations.

I trip on words a little bit (i make more 'spoonerisms' than most people). I think its cos i have difficulty thinking and speaking at the same time. I can know what i want to say but have trouble finding the right words to fill in the gaps. Its not too serious but sometimes stops me from talking out of fear. There might be other APD issues hanging around causing that one. I suspect it MAY be an ingrained behaviour after i was diagnosed with AS i became self conscious of using words that were too advanced and grownup sounding and would pause and put something too simple there instead. Unfortunately now that i talk to other adults and can use these words i dont know any of em anymore!

When Im depressed i tend to talk only about myself, and i only talk about myself to my parents. Sometimes it can be a problem but not all the time. eg. I ran into one of my friends in town the other day and after I finished speaking with her I realised that i hadnt talked about myself at all! So it can depend on if the other person wants to talk about me or themselves.