parents decided to take away my latop on weekdays.
Save your money, buy your OWN computer with your OWN money - it doesn't even have to be new. You can buy a used one that still does everything you need to do, for a fraction of the price of a new one.
Since it's YOUR computer, purchased with your OWN money, they can't do jack-shit.
_________________
Reality is a nice place but I wouldn't want to live there
Since it's YOUR computer, purchased with your OWN money, they can't do jack-sh**.
I think I agree with the "I need it for school" argument. Most likely, after all, you do use it for school--research, term-paper writing, homework help sites. Yes? So emphasize that part.
If your parents won't consider that you might be socially isolated and the computer is a source of safe social interaction for you, then maybe they'll think about it when every day you go to them, asking, "I have to write an essay. I need my computer to research South Africa," or, "I'm really stuck on this algebra problem; can I get my computer back so I can go to [algebra help site]?" or, "My term paper's due in three days! If I don't get some information on Mark Twain, I'll fail." After all, you can't use the local library; it's not in your first language and would take forever, right? So the Internet is your best bet when doing schoolwork.
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EnglishInvader
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http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt110276.html
there. you said it very concisely.
i think they believe i am researching bad things on here, interacting with negative influences and such, they believe this is the reason for my bad behaviour/irritiability. that's what they told me once.
and i think on a smaller scale, they believe it is what is making me get such bad grades in school. that i am not doing my homework because of the computer. this is maybe 15% true. but i usually do my essays and stuff, and NOTHING will get me to do my maths X/. it's too hard.
they also might think that it is causing me to be isolated. but really i feel far more isolated out there.
anyways, the benefits of owning my own computer far outweigh the detriments.
i think i would feel very awful doing this. and they would accuse me. mother accuses me whenever she loses soemthing (even though i never take it. she still holds a grudge against me that i "licked her phone")
stifling in Turkey for a young lady and an aspie.
it is! Grrrr. well, i dont know if i am aspie. i hope i am. if not i wouldnt even have a reason for being a wierdo.
i agree too, i think. i do use it for research. school and hobbies alike.
you guys, thank you for all the advice and understanding. it really makes me feel better. the feelings this site and its users give me should be enough for me to be allowed to keep my computer. . i wish they could see that. but i will try and write an essay about it tomorrow, or later tonight (sunday morning ). the essay should be fun, it's the handing it to them that's hard X(
i dont know how people can say aspies have no sympathy! they certainly do. i feel it a lot on this site. .
EnglishInvader
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Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,012
Location: Hertfordshire, UK
@Spazzergasm
I think you should confiscate your parents' car keys because you feel their lifestyle is too sedentary and that they need more exercise. I'd also be inclined to go through the refrigerator and throw out anything that looks fatty or likely to make them gain weight.
I can be very thoughtful when it comes to the welfare of my family. Like your parents, my brother had an aversion to treating other people with respect. I cured him of this phobia by taking and hiding the money he planned to use to pay his drug dealer. He's been a perfect gentleman ever since.
Last edited by EnglishInvader on 24 Oct 2009, 3:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Giftorcurse
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Well, I remember being at odds with my mother when I was younger, so I suppose I could offer some advice.
You see, my mother sounds like your parents in that they were of the 'You must respect me and do everything I say, but I can treat you like dirt because I am the parent' mindset. My mother also had a habit of berating, insulting, and doing whatever else she could to make me miserable for her own entertainment. I would say that she is a narcissist, but as I have said before on this forum, simple labels do not accurately describe anybody. But she definitely has some narcissistic traits.
So, all that to say, when I was about 16, I decided that I was done dealing with her crap, and started a campaign of return fire. Prior to this, I would just let her attack me and become depressed, but I was tired of being depressed, and decided to stand up for myself. So, under my return fire policy, whenever my mother would insult me, I would insult her back more. Whenever she would disrespect me, I would disrespect her more. Whenever she interrupted me, I would immediately interrupt her as rudely as possible and reprimand her for interrupting me. If she took my things, I would take her things.
This of course escalated, as she became furious with me. She tried to make me as miserable as possible, but in reality it wasn't any worse then the way she treated me before, and since I was stronger then her, she couldn't beat me. Plus, I actually enjoyed fighting back. After about a month or so, my mother began to realize that if she didn't come and bother me, then I wouldn't yell at her. If she didn't insult me, then I wouldn't insult her. If she didn't take my things, I wouldn't take hers. After that she began to avoid me. When I went into my room, she wouldn't come in after me and complain about my lack of normality, because she knew that if she did so, I would yell at her, and insult her, and she just didn't want to deal with it. Over all, it took about a year before she had abandoned her attempts to 'teach me respect', and completely leave me alone, but I do think it was worth it. Prior to this, I was planning to move out at 18, even if it would put me massively in dept. But once I had my mother trained, my house became a much less hostile environment, and I was able to stay there for my college years and save on rent bills.
I still wish that I could have had an adult conversation with my mother, and talked about things in a mature fashion. But unfortunately my mother was and is neither mature enough nor respectful enough to have a conversation with. So I had to resort to negative reinforcement operand conditioning to get her to leave me alone.
However, I feel I should point out that this may not work in your situation. You see, my father was a good, respectful, caring person who treated me like a human, and as such I never had any problems with him. The problem was that he is a huge pacifist and will not contradict my mother for fear of being attacked himself. So, he just stayed out of the conflict entirely and didn't get involved. This was sad because it would have been nice to have an ally, but also a bit of a good thing in that my future was relatively safe because my father wouldn't let my mother do anything to ruin my life completely. If it was up to my mother, she would have kicked me out on the streets at age 16. But since my father was there, he was able to keep me from getting kicked out. My father also had money saved up for my college, and he was willing to invest in me, even if my mother thought I was just a disrespectful punk.
If you tried declaring a policy of return fire on your parents, there will be nobody to make sure that you dont get kicked out. And your future definitely would not be guaranteed safe. So, as such a campaign of direct reprisal probably is a bad idea. However, there is more then 1 way to get your parents to leave you alone.
I went with the fear approach to get my mother to stop bothering me, but you can probably take the annoyance approach. As another poster here has said, try to be as annoying as you possibly can, except while playing on your laptop. If your parents want you to watch TV with them, then interrupt the show every minute to ask pointless questions like 'who is that guy, what is his name?' 'Why are they doing that?' 'Why doesn't he just win the game' 'How many points did he just score' 'When will this show be over' 'What are we watching next', etc. Take every opportunity to dominate every possible family conversation (like the dinner table) to talk about the most unusual and unimportant things with complete disregard for anybody else's interests. Play your music incredibly loudly. Hum incessantly whenever your parents are trying to read or watch TV. Just be as spectacularly annoying as possible.
The trick of course is to do this with plausible deniablty. If your parent's know that you are intentionally being annoying then the will become angry at you, which is just as bad as if you stole their car keys. But if they call you out on humming, just say, 'O sorry, I didn't mean to be distracting'. Then ask a question about the show 30 seconds later. If they tell you to stop asking questions just say, fine, wait a minute, and then start humming again. Eventually, your parents will be fed up with your interruptions and say things like, 'cant you go 5 minutes without interrupting the show?' To that you can reply, 'sorry but this show is very boring to me, but since you took away my laptop, I have nothing else to do.' And then proceed to continue interrupting and annoying them 'accidentally'.
I would also suggest planning your escape now. So that when you graduate high school, you already have a place to live lined up. There are several colleges that have relatively cheap dorm rooms. I know that the college next to me will rent out a 3 bedroom 1 bath house on their property for 350/month. So, just find a college which has what your looking for, and either get student loans or something, but move out as soon as possible.
im supposed to respect them as much as possible though. i wouldnt feel right training them. and i hate making other people upset. i dont think i could do that, or the annoying them thing. and that would hurt me more then it hurt them. as i said, the eating nosie bugs me to tears. i cant stand it.
Well, your parents clearly do not respect you. So, I guess you have two options. You can either try to do this the mature way, write your letter, and hope your parents are mature enough to take you seriously and have a mutually respectful discussion. Or you could stoop to their level and beat them at their own game. I tried the respectful approach method myself and it failed repeatedly. But, the decision is up to you. Just dont become depressed when they walk all over you because you aren't willing to defend yourself.
Looking at this brief description your father may well be on the spectrum. As with all of us on the spectrum he may need understanding and patience. Many of us are noy intrinsically aware of how offensive our mannerisms appear to others.
but basically the title says my problem. this cannot happen. i had to live a week without my computer, cutting me off from WP,my internet friends, and ones who moved, and things of interest to me. it was depressing. i had nothing to do, no one to quietly chat to, nothing to relate to.
i hardly socialized at school. i just felt bad and wierd. disconnected. cause WP is just a good place to let things out. no one knows who i am, i can relate to people. it makes me feel like i belong somewhere.
im in a country where i cant just have a support group or something, or meet anyone like me. the language is a barrier, and my school is missionary, not much in common there. plus my internet friends are really helpful. and the internet is my source of info. i get to research things of interest, watch videos, learn trivia, check the news, play games. it provides a lot of stimulation and entertainment.
if i didnt have it, i would have nothing to do. at school, everyone is fake, and no one particularly likes me, so hanging out with them, or trying to, would just make me more depressed (it makes me depressed just going to school).
in Turkey, i dont speak the language very well, and there arent really any hobby cultures, so i cant go to expos or groups.
and most importantly, i cannot do anything at home. my dad just sits in front of the tv all day, he eats so loud it has brought me to tears because it is so terrible...and he always eats, so i must avoid that. he is very selfish as well. he never listens or cares about anyone else's opinion. he just sits there, and makes repulsive noises/smells. my mother is not fun, either. she is very negative and selfish. if we talk, it always is brought back to the "end times". she fails to see another's viewpoint.
i cant open up to either of them, as they have proven they cannot accept or understand me (mother refuses i might have somethign wrong with me, dad doesnt give a sh**), they dont understand my little OCD pet peeves, they think i am trying to be a control freak. also, they dotn respect me, they have told me numerous times that "they are my parents, they dont have to respect me, i have to respect them, no matter what." (i cant remember exact words but that's the idea)
Also, our house is very very small, so it is hard to avoid them. my room is the smallest room, apart from bathrooms, and i can hear everything from it. they dont understand how i NEED alone time. i NEED to disappear and be disconnected.
i need to be able to block noise out with music, and i need to talk to people who understand, I need to have something that is mine, and always there, no matter what, and i need to look at things of interest to me. sure i have a sort of ideal little internet life going on here, it's what keeps my hopes up.
so, i need to write a letter i guess, to communicate that they cant take my computer away. how do i do this? if they found out i go to WP, they would think it was very unhealthy and abnormal, and ban me from it. they also may want to read into the private things i say on it, so i must avoid any specific names of places i go to.
how do i do it!! !! i am so nervous. i hate doing these "letters" because they rarely listen, and it feels like getting naked in front of my dad, or something that awkward. but i must, because i cant give up my computer (and I PAID FOR IT! GRRR)
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NTs have issues, Aspies have characteristics.
his brother is believed to have it, but he himself i dotn think so. besides, he is very aware of what he does. ive asked him nicely and he doesnt care, or does it more pronounced. he also enjoys bugging people/offending them. i dont think he's unaware of anything...he really just doesnt care.
Well, a pertinent question is whether they plan to physically take it away, or simply forbid you from being on it. When I was younger, my dad attempted to take away my computer rights because I did poorly in math class on my grades. (I slept in math class, aced the tests did nothing else. Teacher flunked me for that lol) He first forbid me, I ignored him. Then he took my power cord. I replaced it with a spare. Took the mouse, I had an extra. Took the keyboard, had an extra. Swiped the ethernet cable. That pissed me off, that wasn't cheap to replace. Finally, he told me he was taking the computer itself, but by that point I had already reversed the grade.
If they simply forbid, or take parts, it's normally rather easy to simply sneak around the rules. Connect outside, or somewhere relatively hidden. Should they take it, learn it's location, and then steal it back, and replace it after use. These might not be options, but if they're not, you're either going to accept it and become more depressed, or you can fight it with some of the other suggestions. There's no magical answer for you unless you're willing to do the hard things.
As to the above, if you have US citizenship, which I assume you do, but are currently in Turkey and not on an Embassy, I doubt you're going to get any luck with the law. Turkey is a strong muslim country and Islam is notoriously against female rights.
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I am Jon Stewart with some Colbert cynicism, Thomas Edison's curiousity, wrapped around a hardcore gamer sprinkled very liberally with Deadpool, and finished off with an almost Poison Ivy-esque love/hate relationship with humanity flourish.
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