I can't stand my lack of ToM

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I read the subject and at first thought someone was saying they didn't like lack of Time of The month and wondered why anyone would miss having periods.

I can't say it affects or affected me. I mean, back in the day when I interacted, I'd only talk when I knew I was factually/logically right (ha), so I could always sway people to my mindset easily enough.

I suppose my physical demeanor would have a say on this too, as my mother told me that people see and take me as a voice of authority on what I speak of in person, no matter who it is to.

When I was young I wanted to understand people all the time

Nowadays I'm happy to quietly observe them, no need for in deep analysis all the time.
I do my job and they do theirs.
I'll also try to have something to do when there is a gathering of people, so there is no need for me to talk or act a way that I should understand on the spot.

But in any circumstance that does need understanding from my part without having being able to prepare myself and having to deduce it at the moment itself by the acts of other people, well yeah, that means trouble and/or insecurity.

I find my poor ToM exceedingly difficult to contend with. I really do wish i had a greater grasp of others' perspectives when I am in the process of interacting and engaging. I care about people and I would like to have the capacity to have a greater sense of their vantage points when I am exchanging with them.

I went to my son's school the other day for christmas functions. I am different and weird and the other mothers know it. I try to make conversation and have to work very hard to do so - it requires so much effort and juggling. I find it hard to know when to stop and start talking because i cannot intuit the flow of the dynamics.

My big problem is that I when I get into my professorial "zone" tend to express my perspective as if it were a global, objective, "God's-eye-view" one. I've trained myself from doing that so much to prevent from offending people that I overuse the phrase "IMO".

An example is how I can simply not understand how other people can have political, philosophical, and religious views different from me since my own views seem self-evident. I tend to get frustrated and start questioning their intelligence or sanity or whatever. When somebody said "that's just your opinion" to something that I think is a truth I tend to get really pissed off.

What I get out of ToM is implied lying. They are just trying to get away with something without saying it.

The NT life I have observed is an unfocused mess. They have no plan, so it is blamed on group concensus.

Classic ToM, "What do you want to do? I don't know, what do you want to do?" This can go on for weeks, nothing gets done, they just get through another day of eating, sleeping, wearing clothes, and pretending to work.

Avoiding commitment seems the basis, "I never said that!" "I thought you knew what I wanted, is just an excuses for not stating what it was. I will infer I want something, see what I get, then act disappointed hoping to fine some fool who will keep guessing.

There is a lot less ToM on a construction site than in an office, it seems to peak at social events.

This tells me it is not a constant, it is situational, reaching the highest level where there is the least reality.

In mountain climbing and combat there is no ToM, everyone has agreed to the same reality.

You will show up on time, with your gear, we are covering twenty five miles, and if you fall behind you will be left for the wolves. This cures ToM.

It is a Spectrum, from what can I get away with in a social setting, to deal with reality or die.

We are at the Theory of Reality, ToR end.

The Drill Instructor is the ultimate Aspie, focused, black and white thinking, with no room for spin.

In six weeks, a lifetime of ToM will be cured, hundreds will be living in reality, and they will stay there.

That it is situational, has a spectrum, highest where there is the most disorder, can be effectivly treated and cured, shows that it is ape social manipulation and is used to cover lack of performance.

Implied social position is a cover for lack of compentence.

I have been told that people think I see right through them, I know they are living a lie, so do they, while everyone else is invested in keeping up their own lie.

My existance challanges their lie, the fear being exposed, so they react with more social spin. Since everyone they know is also living a lie, they can focus all the social power on me. "He does not fit in."

It would be no problem if it was no threat. The reaction shows it is an ultimate threat.

I have also watched. The group with the highest ToM, are what was called. "Yuppies on the make." They had nothing, but image, hung with their own kind, and tried to get in, any way they could.

They were Real Estate agents, Mortgage Brokers, and working together ran a scam that brought down the world economy. In my area they all moved far away, for people are looking for them, with questions, and perhaps at night with a tire iron.

They did try to sell me some rentals, I said the numbers did not work, I read the contract, no one could make this work, nothing down and adjustable rate means working for the interest, even if the market keeps going up.

They told everyone I did not understand real estate, was not a good person to know, and they and the marks are now gone from my area.

I would call the whole thing a Confidence Game, first the mark has to trust you, your friends, then as a group of grifters you rob them, each commiting part of the crime. They can keep it going for a while, but in the end, they all leave town.

Psychobabble has all the marks of a Confidence Game, or religion. A bunch of true belivers, all saying the impossible can happen, church members can own the home they always wanted, and the church can get you the mortgage. After brokering fifty mortgages they move out of state.

Bernie Madoff understood ToM. Everyone wanted to move up socially, to get in with the big boys, who adjust the numbers as they will. People like me said it could not work, reported him to the SEC for a decade, but working for the SEC was getting in to the Wall Street social group, so nothing happened.

ToM is a group lie. We are known for being bad liers.

What I get out of ToM is implied lying. They are just trying to get away with something without saying it.

The NT life I have observed is an unfocused mess. They have no plan, so it is blamed on group concensus.

Classic ToM, "What do you want to do? I don't know, what do you want to do?" This can go on for weeks, nothing gets done, they just get through another day of eating, sleeping, wearing clothes, and pretending to work.

Avoiding commitment seems the basis, "I never said that!" "I thought you knew what I wanted, is just an excuses for not stating what it was. I will infer I want something, see what I get, then act disappointed hoping to fine some fool who will keep guessing.

There is a lot less ToM on a construction site than in an office, it seems to peak at social events.

This tells me it is not a constant, it is situational, reaching the highest level where there is the least reality.

In mountain climbing and combat there is no ToM, everyone has agreed to the same reality.

You will show up on time, with your gear, we are covering twenty five miles, and if you fall behind you will be left for the wolves. This cures ToM.

It is a Spectrum, from what can I get away with in a social setting, to deal with reality or die.

We are at the Theory of Reality, ToR end.

The Drill Instructor is the ultimate Aspie, focused, black and white thinking, with no room for spin.

In six weeks, a lifetime of ToM will be cured, hundreds will be living in reality, and they will stay there.

That it is situational, has a spectrum, highest where there is the most disorder, can be effectivly treated and cured, shows that it is ape social manipulation and is used to cover lack of performance.

Implied social position is a cover for lack of compentence.

I have been told that people think I see right through them, I know they are living a lie, so do they, while everyone else is invested in keeping up their own lie.

My existance challanges their lie, the fear being exposed, so they react with more social spin. Since everyone they know is also living a lie, they can focus all the social power on me. "He does not fit in."

It would be no problem if it was no threat. The reaction shows it is an ultimate threat.

I have also watched. The group with the highest ToM, are what was called. "Yuppies on the make." They had nothing, but image, hung with their own kind, and tried to get in, any way they could.

They were Real Estate agents, Mortgage Brokers, and working together ran a scam that brought down the world economy. In my area they all moved far away, for people are looking for them, with questions, and perhaps at night with a tire iron.

They did try to sell me some rentals, I said the numbers did not work, I read the contract, no one could make this work, nothing down and adjustable rate means working for the interest, even if the market keeps going up.

They told everyone I did not understand real estate, was not a good person to know, and they and the marks are now gone from my area.

I would call the whole thing a Confidence Game, first the mark has to trust you, your friends, then as a group of grifters you rob them, each commiting part of the crime. They can keep it going for a while, but in the end, they all leave town.

Psychobabble has all the marks of a Confidence Game, or religion. A bunch of true belivers, all saying the impossible can happen, church members can own the home they always wanted, and the church can get you the mortgage. After brokering fifty mortgages they move out of state.

Bernie Madoff understood ToM. Everyone wanted to move up socially, to get in with the big boys, who adjust the numbers as they will. People like me said it could not work, reported him to the SEC for a decade, but working for the SEC was getting in to the Wall Street social group, so nothing happened.

ToM is a group lie. We are known for being bad liers.

It is one of one common applications of ToM, but it is not ToM itself. ToM is a special instrument for rapid reading of emotional states and intentions of another people, it works directly, without logical thinking, just as intuitive copying of complex body movements.

I'm even able to partially reproduce neurotypical Theory of Mind inside my mind: it is not an intellectual process.


I have simular problem, but now I think, that every philosophical system is insane in its own way.