*Financial Dependence? On Who/What? Does it Matter?*

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er, no! ... Except in so far as everyone is, ( financially dependent on others ), whether dependent on partner, family, clients, their employer or the state!


That's odd. I can't imagine why you would be unable to vote! I seem to remember that you work full-time, or more-or-less, and you said that you are completely dependent on the wages from that job. Well then you can vote for the option which best describes the company you work for, very small, medium, or large etc.

PS. I think this is one of those word nuances/emphasis things? To you "mainly" indicated that there must be a "completely" somewhere, and when there wasn't you thought that all the options must apply to people dependent on their parents or a partner. Ok, see that. Smile ... No, it's for everybody!

Last edited by ouinon on 02 Nov 2009, 10:16 am, edited 3 times in total.

Has anyone noticed feeling more relaxed/comfortable about their financial dependence on an employer/a job if their employer is a very big company or is the govt/local council/state sector than if their employer is a very small or smallish business? I think I did.

Last edited by ouinon on 02 Nov 2009, 10:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well, that, and now there's a generation whose parents have never worked, i.e. started claiming welfare/benefits as soon as they left school, and have no work ethic, and so bring their kids up with no effort whatsoever. Those children will see their parents not have to do anything for money, so they are likely to follow them, thinking "why do I have to work, we've been doing just fine depending on the state".

My mum instilled in me a strong work ethic, and I worked solidly as soon as I finished compulsory education, alongside further education. It was only after I got laid off in May that I've not had something to do, and it depresses me immensely. And it's not for lack of trying, either. I'm simply hopeless at interviews. I'm applying to become a volunteer for my local autism team next week just so I can get out of the house, really. Not to mention giving something back to society.

I'm 25. I have a job, but it doesn't pay much. (Technically, I'm not even employed, I'm a volunteer getting a stipend.) I still consider myself dependent on my parents because I live with my mom and don't contribute anything except gardening or cleaning up. (My parents are separated, but my mom doesn't work and all the money comes from my dad's job.) This topic is really relevant to my own experiences because I used to be OBSESSED with the idea of being financially independent. I thought I would never be happy unless my parents weren't supporting me at all. So I moved out into a shared house, totally supported myself financially (which was a struggle since I make so little money) and ended up living with a sociopath. This did not make me happy at all. After a few months of that I moved back in with my mom. Luckily, my obsession with financial independence eventually faded. I realized that everyone is financially dependent, unless you live off the grid or something. I'm still unhappy with my situation because my work assignment ends in December; after that I'll have no income of my own. I don't like the town my mom lives in, but I don't know where else to go-- or how to get there.

I'm 24 and I depend entirely on my family. I am trying to go back to school. It would be very nice to be able to depend on myself but from where I'm sitting right now that's never going to happen. It's kind of depressing really. I've only known that I've had Asperger's for just a year and before that I was pretty lost, but now it seems like I am more lost because now that I know that I've got it, and what the deal is with me and I'm sitting here watching everyone else that is my age move on with their lives and be independent and it makes me feel awful.

I feel the same way. I don't think other people are as independent as they make out, but they put on an awfully good show in terms of moving on.

For the time being, I am dependent on my partner, although I usually work for small to medium companies. I don't mind the current situation as my husband never acts like I owe him anything and I don't have to ask for money as I'm the one handling the finances. It's very important to me that my home is clean and a place of beauty and balance, plus I'm an excellent cook and "handyman", so I have no reason to feel guilty for not doing my part or anything. But I used to hate depending on my parents. I ran away at 18 and chose some pretty bad living conditions only to be independent. I've never been dependent on the state as I was raised to believe that's a form of parasitism (Yes, now I know that's BS), and somehow always managed on my own.

So I'd say the most important thing is what are you asked for in return. If you have a disability or paid into the system and lost your job, there's no reason to feel guilty for getting money from the state. If your parents or partner are understanding and generous and you feel you give something back, things should go well. But a lot of people aren't and will become unreasonable or abusive when they feel they have the higher hand (same goes for bosses). I imagine that's why many prefer to rely on the state - if you qualify for help you'll just get it and in most places you will not be asked to bent over backwards or be someone's slave for it. People might do so.
*in some cultures this will be just the other way around, but when you draw the line what matters is the price you'll have to pay for your dependency

I am 26, and mainly dependent on my husband. I have children, and started staying home to care for them when my youngest was born, and when we learned of the severity of my daughter's disabilities.

While it's nice, because I don't have to interact with people often, it's something that would have happened AS or not. My daughter's needs are too great to be met in a daycare facility, nor would I trust her with strangers. She does have an awesome teacher at school, but only attends school about 40% of the time (30% this year due to seizures).

I think I would have to be an austler, that is an autistic hustler, that is I live by my wits but everything I do is gentle, quiet and innocent.

I'm out of work, so I'm on the dole at the moment, but I am as independent as any normal guy my age and actually good with money (after a few rough years in college). I don't like to be dependent on others.

I voted that I am dependent on my clients as I have my own business, but I think it would be more accurate to say that I am dependent on me.

Retaining exisiting clients and attracting new cilents for me, is the result of a lot of thought and hard work.

It is a service business.

I was financially dependent upon my parents, and then scholarships until I was 23.

I was unemployed for about 9 months, living on savings, until I started working. I was employed full-time, first for a small employer, then for the government until I was 33.

I then made the disastrous switch to self-employment. I was self employed for about 7 years, in a steady, downward spiral! I got back into government a little over 2 years ago, and I couldn't be happier about that.

I voted family, although I also depend on the state, but the amount is very small, not enough for me to pay rent in most places, and certainly not enough for rent, food, utilities, etc. I have worked, lived on my own in the past. I have also been dependent on a partner, which didn't go well in my case, due to an incidence of domestic violence and mainly unpredictable behavior.

Someone, I can't remember who, talked about disliking being dependent on family because their father lorded over them what he did and talked about contributions, etc.
I'm in a similiar situation with my mother, who is always talking about how much she contributes, blames me for not contributing enough, even when I am giving her a good deal of the small amount of money I have, pushes me to do more, even when she knows it will be too much for me, and tells me that if I complain or dislike it, that I can get out, when she knows that I have nowhere to go. Plus I have to deal with her own mental illness and periods of instability sometimes and mood swings on top of her normal resentment of being responsible for an adult.

I was brought up with a strong work ethic, also. I do care where the money comes from, and while I'm not a big fan of the way jobs are structured in this society-I personally support a meritocracy based on a skill and ability that a person can demonstrate, rather than capitalism and money making fueled by supposed efficency by sacrificing personal health and happiness among other needs; I also dislike being dependent on the state and all the personal information and tasks one needs to perform to get a pittance, in my opinion, from the U.S. government. I'd rather work, but I'm not in the position to right now, and my past experiences haven't been successful for various reasons-overstimulation, boredom, authority issues, sensory stuff, depression, or just not making enough money even with the job to afford essential things.

I also currently live in a semi-rural area with no public transportation. And I don't drive, and it is unclear whether I'll be able to, so I am also dependent on my mother for transportation. And her car is older and sometimes needs repairs that we don't have money for, effectively leaving me stranded and I couldn't get to a job anyway. Jobs are also spread out within a multi-county/city area because it's rural, so I would need a car to get a decent job anyway.

I didn't finish college, just did a year before everything started to totally fall apart, so I don't have a degree to get me higher paying jobs, when I have been in the position of applying for jobs. I usually interview well, mainly because I can remember what I did on past jobs in detail and describe it well on a resume', but I have trouble sustaining momentum working. And I've mainly worked in retail/sales environments, which I find too stressful-noise, customers expectations, bosses breathing down your neck, etc, not to mention trying to navigate the social rules-small talk, office politics, which I don't play into, because I don't understand the point of it.

My main passion/special interest is my art. I also love animals. And very specific things like pinball and racing video games and legos. And I have to keep myself from daydreaming when working, and focused on what to me, is a mundane job. But living with my mother has been so stressful, more stressful than some jobs in some ways, that I think I would prefer a boring job, even one that I was disinterested in than to live at home. My main issue now, is how to get to and from work and other necessary places-stores, post office, doctors, etc. And I can't get an apartment without a job, and a job without a place to live, and none of that without transportation-so there lies the catch-22.

I've stayed with "friends" in the past, but I guess I didn't understand the social rules of friendship even with those friends who I thought were more like myself, and I have exhausted the couches I can sleep on, essentially. I hate my living situation, and the intermittent threats of homelessness from my mother. I also fear losing all the art I've done, because I've lost my portfolio of works twice-once due to Hurricane Katrina-which is one reason why I can't go back to New Orleans, once due to theft/damage by my ex-partner and some of it is in storage 700 miles away, but I have no way to get some of my belongings back from Dallas to Florida-it's in an aquaintance's storage, but I don't know if she'll store it indefinitely.

I think it does matter where the money comes from. Money may not solve everything, but if one has at least a little sense with it, it can buy autonomy. When one is dependent on another person or the state, one is at the mercy of their whims. I don't feel the need to be rich, but I do desire self-sufficiency. And hope to attain it again in the future. I also think that if one is dependent on someone else, how that other person treats you makes a huge difference in how one views being dependent. I also echo other people's views that views on dependency are often culturally determined.

I am dependent on my husband. There are times when it does bother me... like when we do not have enough money for him to be able to get something he wants. He work his butt off and I feel bad when I know he would love a motorcycle and that we will likely not ever be able to get him one. Things like that make me wish I did contribute to the household where money is concerned. But beyond that, no... I was raised in a family where one person worked (the one who could earn the most money... did not matter if the person was male or female) and the other person stayed home to raise the kids and tend to the house. It was drilled into my head that daycare was the worst thing for your kids, that no one can raise them properly but parents. It is common in my extended family for grown children (who have children) to live with their parents. Communal living is not uncommon in my family. When my mom was born she lived in her grandmother' house along with about fifteen other people. I did work for awhile after my kids were born to pay off debt, but it wore me down and destroyed me as a person. My kids also took to acting out and reacted horribly to my absence. I do not mind my husband taking care of us like he does. I take care of him as well, just in different ways. I always thought family was supposed to take care of family. I see nothing wrong with that at all.

Still pretty much dependent on my job in the public sector, but saving hard and intending to jump ship as soon as the savings look able to bridge the gap till pensionable age - I'm hoping that will be when I'm 60. Even now, I'd probably be able to survive without the job, though the rations would be pretty meagre, and with all this talk of higher taxes/spending cuts to pay for quantitative easing, and of a "pension time bomb," it's hard to be sure I wouldn't run out of cash a little too soon.

I've often thought that it wouldn't matter to me at all, as long as the source of the income were secure. Trouble is, most suppliers are more or less free to end the payments if they so choose (which can be used as a lever to control the recipient), and of course they could run out of cash themselves and be simply unable to keep up the support. Even returns from capital investments can take a nose dive if the market gets awkward.

My sense of independence would feel better if I felt I'd fully provided for myself, which I suppose I have, by working and paying tax and insurance contributions for most of my life. But of course we're all economically interdependent and there are winners and losers.....sometimes it's obvious who they are, but closer to the borderline it becomes very hard to tell whether a given individual has put in as much as they've taken out, or not. Quite possibly, if the input and output of every person on the planet were measured, most people in the developed world might be found to be taking too much. By comparison, somebody loafing about on benefits might be taking very little. But who knows what the figures really are?

I've often said that I'd have been perfectly happy as a house-husband, because the workplace has given me a lot of anxiety and pain over the years. Unfortunately I didn't get any takers for my progressive idea.....a lot of people still seem to be stuck in this old idea of the man being the financial provider.