Do you HATE using the words Sir or Mam?

Post Reply New Topic

Where I live, most people do not want to be called Sir or Ma'am. I used to Sir and Ma'am people and they would ask me not to. I can't remember the last time I Sirred or Ma'amed anyone.

I use sir quite often, ma'am less so because I don't like the sound. I think there are many reasons behind my use of the words. One reason is because it is easier for me than to remember their names.

However, respect does come into play for me as well, oddly enough it isn't necessarily respect for the other person. Respect has always been an interesting idea to me. There are people that say all people deserve or have earned respect. This may be true in certain relationships (sensei vs grasshopper ) However, I always viewed how I address others as a reflection of the respect I felt for myself. I wouldn't look highly upon myself if I didn't treat people in a certain fashion, and in many circumstances, that would include addressing them as I feel (and maybe as they feel) they deserve.

I must admit, while I still address people with respect, I am annoyed when some people seem to seek attention for their accomplishments. I had a customer write a check at a store at which I worked and I noticed that following his name on the check was PHD.

I don't know. If I had the mental discipline to get a PhD, I'd be quite proud of it.

Yea.. and a lot of time when someone uses it, it sounds almost more like a joke. Speaking formally to someone you're familiar with always seems a bit tongue-in-cheek to me.

Ritualized shows of respect always seem a bit, um, ritualized, to me. You can use words that are "respectful" without respecting somebody, and you can greatly respect someone without using "respectful" words. How much does scripted respect really mean, anyways?


Kris talks about how when he was active duty, if he totally didn't respect somebody above him, he would casually mention that "sir" is a slang term for as*hole (or something like that.. I don't remember what word it was that he said it meant) in an obscure Asian dialect. After that, he would very pointedly and repeatedly address them as "sir."

I have never been taught to say those, so i don't. Heck, i have a problem calling people by their real name. The word, HEY comes to mind when i get someone's attention or i just start talking.

My son is in karate and they have to say those, but that is the only place they teach them that. My bf said they taught him in school.

I don't doubt I would be proud as well if I were to obtain a doctorate, I just think it is a bit much to go around introducing yourself as "John Doe, PHD". I just think doing that is a bit beyond showing pride, and more toward the pathetic, ie "I need acknowledgement from strangers or my achievement means nothing!!" But that's just me...

See the following Two Ronnies sketch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2e0afvMYqI

I don't hate it at all. I just....saying it feels weird. I say it whenever I remember to say it (which is not often) or when people make it clear that they wish to be addressed as such. It is confusing. Some adults demand that sort or recognition...others are like "ummm....my name is (insert first name here) not sir/ma'am". *shrugs*

i have always despised the rule of having to call people by their name or title. i much prefer to address people by something of my own choosing. some names or titles make me feel uncomfortable. though i have not found this to be common, i have met people (on the spectrum) with the same problem.

When I was a little kid, EVERYONE was Mr. this or Mrs. or Miss That. I wanted to grow up where I was Miss or Mrs Whatever, but I never did. I didn't even get to be Ms (much later in my life) . . . no formality whatsoever.

I love formality. It is secure and dependable as a contract written in legal language. I never have to worry 'what's next?' with formality.

I've always hated using those words. It felt wrong. It was like having to confess to something that you knew wasn't true, but if you didn't you'd be scolded. I still don't like saying them.

I prefer to use sir and ma'am. It's just polite and respectful. I don't want people to think I'm just another person in society that has no respect for anyone or anything.

I haven't used those terms since I was in the Boy Scouts. Never bothered me much either way as a kid, but as an adult, I think they're antiquated, obsequious and servile.

Last edited by Locustman on 10 Nov 2009, 11:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

I hate using them, though I was in the RAF and it wasn't an issue in that instance.

I don't hate using them, I just wish I'd remember to do so more often, when appropriate, I can't remember someone's name, or when it might help butter someone up enough to forgive my many social mistakes.

My parents and teachers had enough to worry about with me not making eye contact, being rude by not telling white lies, and all those other problems of a pre-diagnosis era aspie child, they seemed to pick their battles and didn't vigilantly enforce things like Sir/Ma'am.

Assuming that we're talking about DEMANDING respect and tossing out words like CONTEMPT for hypothetical individuals you have yet to meet is exactly the kind of lowbrow lack of intellect I'm talking about. Human beings no matter what I may think of them as a species, I will show at least minimal polite respect to, until and unless they demonstrate that they do not deserve it. Not because THEY demand it of me - because I demand that much civility of myself. I am not a brute or a lout and I will distinguish myself from the apes by my ability to BEHAVE BETTER THAN THEY DO.

Decent manners demonstrate that you have enough respect for yourself AND others to behave pleasantly unless the situation warrants otherwise. The fact that polite manners may be falling out of fashion doesn't change that. The rest of society may devolve back to Neanderthal grunting, but I will not slouch along with them simply because its easier than maintaining a little self discipline.

The fact that you don't feel the least bit of obligation to even be a decent person to those around you says everything about who and what you are.

But of course, you 'have contempt' and you 'don't give a damn'. And that's who you are.

No? Well, all we know of you is your public face, and that's what its telling us. Loudly.

Do you have enough Theory of Mind to comprehend how attractive that is to those around you? I'd cross the street to avoid an attitude like that.

Thanks for making my point.