Declaring War on Bullies

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IMO in most caes the schools do the best they can, given the resources but some of this is always going to slip between the cracks. They can't assign a personal bodyguard for each kid. They can't be there every moment.

Here's what I would do. Every time a kid picks on him (and I'd don't mean just giving him a dirty look) I would have him give you the kids name & then you go in and demand that the kid is put on notice that bullying is not tolerated. Every time. In many cases kids do cruel things without even thinking about it or why it is so wrong. They don't think of it as a big deal. Once their parents get called a couple times that may help as well.

Of course, some people are just plain ****** & will continue to be jerks. So is life. Yes, the karate class might be a good idea. He will have to handle this stuff because you will not always be able to be there. Just make sure he understands that the knuckle draggers who are tormenting him will not always be on the top of the food chain. The same bullys who are the "cool kids" now will most likely end up bagging groceries or washing cars at the car wash when they grow up because of their very tiny brains.

Girls were bullied less?Where was this?When was this? I got my ass kicked in middle school and some of grade school.Slammed into lockers, had beer bottles thrown at me as I came off the bus, and when my brother defended me, he had some guys try to run him over with their pick-up truck in the school parking lot--with the teachers not ten feet away!

The only time I wasn't physically bullied was when I was in private schools where the no tolerance policy would have had them expelled the second they touched me. Or I them.

Wow...just wow.

material arts=win i been bullied too i dont know how to figth but i just go mental kicked 2ppl's ass to hospital visit and i wegth only 40kg at that time lets say ppl respected me LOT after that (or didint dare to pick figth again)

Read the quote again, I said used to be and I was unaware of how bad it is now. I am 52 so in my day the kind of abuse you suffered was virtually unheard of. The girls stuck to ostracizing and vicious gossip (not that this should be discounted). I would never assume what you thought I assumed. What you describe is horrendous and I am sorry you had to go through that. No one should. My point is I'm tired of the system just shrugging their shoulders on this. No, we can't stop it completely but we can keep trying.

p.s. Actually I think we were both seeing things from only our own perspective and experience.

Bullying hurts like nails. I got kicked around in high school as well, and of course, the teachers did their usual blind eye thing and left it up to me to take care of myself.

Which can sometimes work, or sometimes not. It's a catch 22, because if the parents become too involved and the bullies know about it, they'll claim your son is a sissy and call you a helicopter mom, and beat him harder when no one's looking. However, if things get serious, there's good reason to involve every adult you can.

Here's my advice checklist:

1. Make sure your son has at least one close friend. This is essential to building confidence, and gives him someone to be with during passing periods, study hall, lunch, walk home with, etc. If he's got social anxiety for meeting friends, offer your living room up for "home base" to invite others over for cookies, dinner, DnD, video games, studying, or whatever. This gives your son not only a reason to seek out others with his interests, but a safe haven to socialize with them, and you can also keep a tab on your son's new friends, since they're on your turf. A good group, or even one guy, can go a long way. My first three years of high school were hell, but the fourth year was a slightly lesser hell due to a close friend I shared a lot of time with.

2. Self defense training, because deep down inside, bullies are still gorillas. It's not essential, but will help you build confidence and steel your body for what bullies are best at, which is the crude physical assault. You can pick up a few basic blocks and parries very quickly for deflecting jabs--it's the first thing you learn. With practice, he'll gain speed and strength, and confidence to take a couple of hits on the arm (while blocking) before going away.

3. Step in hardcore if things get to be abusive, and prepare to fight, then monkeystomp the system. Bullying crosses the line when people come home seriously hurt, so party like it's 2009 and take those jerks to the bank. The school system will want to stay out of it, but if you press charges on the head bully after he's done the damage, you just created a public relations mudstorm for a school that claims safe and fair education. This method is a last resort, but you do what you do to save your skin, and a legal assault with the blessing of the courts is better than a body in the backyard.

Well, most of the time <_<

Don't touch my garden. >_>

All good points SkittlesMcBingBing and btw I love your user name.
His best friend is a year older and although I know K. really cares for my son, he is not long on courage. He is picked on as well and I'm afraid I'm seeing signs that he wants to deal with it by joining the enemy. My sister's son was bullied and he started hanging out with a tough crowd, started using drugs and now he's in prison. It seems weird because I so clearly remember the sweet kid he was.

Very possible.We probably are seeing things merely through our own eyes. But I still don't think that even in in the fifties the violence didn't exist. I'm of the opinion it was, just as you said, unheard of. Reality shows just display it and are a part of the dance of generations.Either way, I don't intend to let such inhumanity continue.

I intend to keep my sensitivity to the horror and reaction of disgust. And seeing that bring all the best of my logic, deliberation, passion and eloquence to bear.From the sound of it, our aims are the same. Take care.

It probably did exist, I was just speaking from my own experience and I didn't make that clear. I also intend never to say "Oh well,that's life." What if people took that attitude about murder? "Oh well, it's been going on since Cain and Abel, what are you going to do?" Unh Unh.

I'm sorry, I think I may have been unclear or that there may have been a misunderstanding of my posts. I didn't say that you said that to him, if it sounds like that I'm sorry, it was not in any way my intent. I was just trying to say that an important adult saying that these guys and/or girls are mean helps, well it helped me.

I'm trying to help but I sometimes don't express myself the best. Asking your kid to name the agressors and reporting them to the school head is a good idea and is worth a try.

Well, even if I did misunderstand you, I didn't take offense. I knew you were thinking about the well being of a child.

There are probably a few ring leaders at the forefront of this abuse. Would it be naive to try to get in touch with their parents? Mail a letter to all of the teachers at his school? Better yet, maybe you should contact your local news station.... I wish your son had male cousins or friends that could meet him after school so the other kids might get it through their thick skulls that he is a real person.

The male cousins thing would be cool, except D. is a late baby and all his cousins are grown and don't live in town. I am cautious about approaching the bully's parents because, sadly bullies are often the way they are because they themselves are bullied at home. It's like the layers of an onion, the problem gets larger the deeper you go. I'm never sure if I'm doing the right thing but I did find a list D. made of people he hated at school and sent it via email to the school as a list of potential people to watch. I felt like I had to clarify that if they confronted these kids directly, the kids would likely deny it and then the abuse of my son would escalate. And again, this is not just about him. I feel for every kid that's being humiliated and knocked around. I'm willing to work with the school in anyway I can.

What about the PTA? Maybe you could summarize a few of the statements you have made on this thread and email it to teachers all over the district. It's kind of like when I am at work; I have to call these companies over and over and at first I'm timid and nice, but by the 4th time when I still haven't gotten an answer, I become really forceful, because that's the only way to get it resolved..(which makes me think that is how I should be in the first place...)

Demand that they take action. "All it takes for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing." (Sorry if I'm coming off like a know it all but it just makes me mad because we are all powerful in our own right.) Good luck to him.

Locally an 8th grade boy with AS was teased/bullied so bad his parents had to take him out of school. They went to local paper and it was front page news. The kids, school and parents of the bullies all got a public dressing down and the school board has made it a top priority to never have this happen again.

Bring it out in the open. Report it. Follow through. Show these cowards for what they are. In most cases it is only a hadful of jerks doing most of the bullying. The other kids are afraid to say something because, well, they're kids. But expose it. Bring it out in the light. Turn the tables on the a-holes by making them the jerk squirming in the spotlight that everyone is looking at.

Go to his school. Be dogged and unrelenting. Tell them that you will go to the media if they do not handle it NOW.

I remember hearing about that. Reminded me of 6th grade. I also had to be taken out of school but it was due to other reasons too.

I remember a boy at University, I was two years ahead of him.

He used to get teased relentlessly by the 'incrowd'.

One evening, probably after the usual excessive drinking, the 'incrowd' were having another teasing session on this person.

I wasn't a friend of the victim but I did feel very sorry for him and so I stood up to the gang.

It was just verbal although I did have the height and the arms to back it up. I can't say for sure that the teasing ended that day, but I dont remember hearing any ever again.

Yesterday I Googled that man. I was delighted to find that like many of the graduates of that University, he had found success and satisfaction and has developed a niche consulting business.

I am going to email him to congratulate him.