Can you do small talk well?

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Some days I can, some days I can't, it depends on whether I feel like being around people or not. I've picked up the small talk skills by observing other people and I can be quite good at it, but I don't particularly enjoy doing it. I've never really seen the point, it's a waste of time in my eyes. But then it's better than an awkward silence.

I was diagnosed in one day, and I figured out why two weeks later. He tried to make small talk with me and I failed completely. For example:

Dr. Some Guy PhD: "I like your necklace."
Me: "Oh, um, thank you."
Dr. Some Guy PhD: "I have a celtic knot, too." (points to his ring)
Me: "Oh, uh, that's um, nice."

A little later:
Dr. PhD guy: "Your jacket is very colorful."
Me: "Ah, yes. It is...colorful. Thank you. For...pointing out how colorful...my jacket is....

I'm a disaster. I can usually get around small talk by making fun of myself and making people laugh. Sometimes it just comes out desperate, though.

I think I can make a reasonable approximation of it, but I'm not really sure.

Wow, I thought it was just me. (I'm undiagnosed, but suspect I have it as well as my son) I hate small talk, hate it! What is the point... Hi how are you, (you lie back and say fine even if you are not) and then what? ugh. I really hate it. Completely pointless. I have tried to continue on to other subjects, and then people just stare at me, like I'm the loony.

Nice to know, others feel the same.

I never could keep up with small-talk conversations for very long. I always seem to lose focus quickly on the usual chit-chat that more often than not follows the "How are you?" greeting.

I can do it pretty good, but don't like to unless I'm somewhere like stuck in a waiting room etc without reading material. Then I'll talk to other people. The key is when they ask you something that the answer to is "Yes" is to make it sound like your saying more than that. "Yes, oh yes." Or you can turn your answer into a question for them.

Them "Did you see the new movie <insert whatevers new>?"

You "No, I haven't have you?"

Them "Not yet"

You "Well I hear it's good (or bad) I'd be interested in hearing what you think about it"

ALWAYS turn it back on them. If somebody shows you an item of theirs, ask where they got it, but NOT how much it was unless you know them really well or you are my age and can get by with playing the part of 'nosey old lady"

"Fine, how you been?" is good for "How are you" BUT "coming down with a little cold" is also pretty good in social situations and that will also get them to back off and leave you alone so they don't catch it.

I tend to get to talking and then just say too much. Stuff that when I think back about it I REALlY DONT WANT that person to know about me. But it's ok.

So my answer is yes I can.

Pagan Mom

I love you people......my people! You can't imagine how liberating it is to hear a lot of others saying out loud all those thoughts I kept inside my head for so many years. These kinds of opinions are just not "right" in the NT world where the greatest good is to be interested in other people and connect. It's not so bad to say"I'm not very good at small talk". That is forgiven as being humble or realistic. What's really far out is to hear some of you telling it the way it is: that I'm not interested in what they(NT) have to say! I find most social chit-chat banal, boring and just a formula for filling in time. I can do it if I have to because it can all be memorized, but I usually can't be bothered or I feel dishonest about doing it. What I enjoy really is to talk about something-- a topic or have a discussion/debate about a topic.

Nope. I can go for a couple of minutes, but then it becomes real awkward.

Do not sweat the small talk topic

What to do (Aspie to the rescue): Introduction Scenario in a Career Centre Office

Person: My name is Louise. (True)
Me: That is my cat's name! (True)
Person: Here is the form to fill out. (I fill it out) The end date is December 31, 2009 (True)
Me: Hey! That is my son's birthday! All my kids were born on a Tuesday! (True)
Person: Amazing.
Me: Do you have kids?
Person: One daughter, grown up.
Me: Nice when they have grown up. They can still visit! And you can visit them.
Person: Yes. During holidays. (End of conversation)

The trick is to focus on one thing they have said and go from there. Do not make it last too long, and then say thanks, goodbye, see you again (if you have to). (I had to fill out a form for employment supports.) Do not get emotionally involved, and you will be ok. This is my recipe for small talk.

Im alright with small talk however it isn't my natural strength i much prefer a more specific subject.

I can do really basic small talk, since I have to at work. And I'll generally add things in to manipulate it into a topic that I'm familliar with.

Catching up with friends is something that I'm uncomfortable and awkward with. I have lost quite a few friends because of this (seeing classmates from high school sucks on so many levels). I never know what to say, or what to ask them. I moved to another city half a year ago, went back for a wedding, and all of my former friends were there. I felt very overwhelmed. So, now they think I'm a jerk because I didn't talk to any of them.

I can make small-talk, but I often forget. I'll find myself sitting alone in a room with someone & then realize that we've been sitting for 5-10 minutes with no one saying anything (I was enjoying the silence - but they might have been thinking "what a rude, stuck-up person!")

My mother once told me that if two people are sitting in a room, it's the responsibility of the older of the two to start the small-talk. I've reached an age where that is often me. :/

My limit on small-talk is usually a few minutes - although sometimes the small-talk turns into an actual conversation, so then I can talk a long time.

As with the OP, my real problem is developing friendships & keeping them going. I suppose there is a small-talk component, as you are getting to know each other - especially the first dozen-or-so times you meet. The small-talk process facilitates the exchange of information that allows two people to decide whether they can be friends. As the small-talk continues, more & more actual information is exchanged. I often wish we could just do it in writing - it would be so much more efficient! (But apparently, that's unacceptable - NT people need to have the buffer of all that trivial chit-chat to feel comfortable.)

do NT introverts generally feel this way about small-talk or are their differences between them and most Aspies?

I can't do small talk so well. Often it doesn't last long and I usually just say words like "yeah", "okay" and "erm." I'm trying to improve my Small Talk/Social Skills though.