The Truth about Socialization

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I think that people (including myself) try and take the "easy way out", by that I mean the way that's most comfortable to them.

I believe that some people see highly active socialising as an "easy way out" of stressful situations. Some people even use excessive socialising to procrastinate, because socialising might be easier for them than doing the work itself even if socialising does have it's ups and downs. For some people it's just easier to go out and reach for the wine glass than it is to stay at home. This doesn't mean that home is any worse than the bar or vise versa. Some people might also use their natural aptitude for socialising to help get a project done.

I used to wonder why people would chatter and socialise outside exam rooms and I would not. I've realised that this is because some people actually can't help chattering because it's the easiest thing they can do to manage stress. The easiest thing that I can do to manage stress is be silent and try and block the chatter out.

So, my "easy ways out" are very different. I actually find it easier to focus on the work task first. I don't usually have the option of procrastinating by active socialising because I find this difficult. There are of course a myriad other ways other than socialising that I could use to procrastinate: executive toys, computer games, getting chores done or staring into space. If I'm not distracted by socialising, it kind of forces me to focus on some solitary activity because that's all there is left. The solitary activity I often focus on is actually the work task. If that solitary activity is solving chemical equations, I'll do it because for me that would be easier than phoning someone up to plan an evening out with someone to procrastinate.


If I told someone about my interest in Chemistry, he could easily say that:
"Solving Chemical Equations is so overrated, why should I care about Chemistry? Why should I even be interested if I'll never be a Chemist."

He'd have a point from his point of view.
If Chemistry isn't relevant to his life and he isn't interested in it, then why should he care about it? Also, why should I even bother lecturing about it and try and convince him that it is interesting?
The Chemistry I've studied hasn't been a "bed of roses". Sometimes I've wanted to bang my head against the desk in frustration. There have been ups and downs. I've got stuck on the mathematics. Some of the equipment malfunctioned, there were mistakes and accidents. I've been frightened of the chemicals. However, on the whole I was motivated to do Chemistry, so I succeeded at it and enjoyed it in-spite of the "rough patches".

It's a question of motivation.
You're more likely to persevere at something that you're motivated to do.
If you can see the rewards of doing something and have been successful doing that thing in the past, you're more likely to be motivated to do it. Each success at that activity is a positive reinforcement and your motivation increases. With each difficulty and failure, your motivation decreases.

I think that people persevere with relationships that might seem "rocky" from the outside because they still have the belief that the relationship will work and the social motivation. They believe that they will benefit if they carry on the relationship or if they can't see another alternative, or alternatives are difficult.

So, if you're socially motivated and your brain finds socialising the "easy way out", you'll socialise more actively. If you're not socially motivated and find it difficult to get started, you're less likely to persevere.

You do the thing you that your mind finds the easiest to do first.

If that's socialising...you do it first.
If it's solving a physical puzzle...you do it first.

So maybe some people need to actively socialise because that's their temperament.
I can't blame them for being how they are because they can't help that.
I can't blame them for their natural inclinations to do things because that's how their minds work.
I can't help really being who I am either.

I'm trying to see the situation from both sides.