Do you sometimes feel "stuck" inside your autism?

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Another example is when I am with people I feel like i'm in a bubble and observing everyone, not actually taking part. Even if I do take part and interact I still feel there is a wall between me and everyone else.

..., why are you acting like this?"

...but I finally managed to contribute to a thread here after weeks of lurking, FINALLY...

I know I can have great difficulty stopping some kind of comfort activity, such as surfing the net, or comfort eating. The idea of stopping it is hard and then when I try and do normal stuff it is almost painful, I get sort of cravings to be surfing the net or reading or eating again.

Before I realized I was autistic, I used to complain (to my mother, mostly) about being "trapped inside my mind," because I never felt like I was communicating anything the way I actually felt it. There always seems to be a disconnect between what I think and feel and what other people believe I think and feel. And even during the process of communicating an idea, I am so frequently overloaded with infinitely explorable tangents that are vital to the primary point that I end up obscuring whatever it was I was trying to communicate even further. These days I just usually avoid speaking because I'm either afraid of this happening or I'm already overwhelmed anyway.

...but I finally managed to contribute to a thread here after weeks of lurking, FINALLY...

I'm getting a sense of mind/body disconnect here--like people feel like they are living in their bodies like their brains are their real selves and the body is just a sort of mechanism they're controlling. I wonder if that has to do with the sensory weirdness often associated with autism? After all, with scrambled messages coming from your own senses, it might be natural to disconnect.

yesss... inside is a person a person with real feelings, real intellegence, its basically like being in a bubble or i say it as being in a mirror lookin out at the world as their lookin at me, but as their lookin at me they see completely different, they ssee this disabled girl, the way i talk, the way i move, the way i cant understand even the littlest things, the way i struggle with everything, the way i move, and do things in life, the way i dont socialize, how i stim, how i may appear "ret*d", but inside through the other end of the mirror my version, i see it all going around, see the people as they stare, make remarks, how their voices change when talking to me, how they look at me wondering if ill ever understand, the way they treat me like im 2 years old, the extra winks, the slow talking like i cant understand a simple word, the way they watch me carefully like i cant do anything on my own or ever be left out of anybodys eyes etc. There are times ill be sitting in the middle of the room stimming so much, most of the time i have no words at all, sometimes noises, self injurying, sometimes i look up to see whats going on, sometimes i jus stare into the abyss, sometimes im lookin down, i feel the world is jus passing me by, i hear the words, the many noises, see the people, the things moving around me, feel their presences, feel the different emotions going around, feel the air moving around my body, smell the different smells that enter the room daily, or that pass me by, but i have no idea how to grab a hold of any of it, its like i'm in a different world on this worlds planet. Do i get embarrased? no, Do I notice all my actions? yes and no, sometimes even noticing them doesnt stop them, jus another thing that sorta passes me by but catches my eye. Do i care of what is going on around me? unless it has to do with anything opening and closing, switches like buttons, royal blue, or rubber, not really, my mind is focused on nothing, rarely thoughts come through my head but when they do, my expression, my emotions are shown differently by each thought but to the world its sorta a random giggle, random screech, random flap or rock, random bittin, random punchin of myself, lots of randomness, maybe its a blank stare, maybe its even random twitching. My world is full of each emotion i cant grab ahold of one only anger, but the rest just spiral around in my body sometimes so much i just do uncontrollable behaviors like i said above to help calm them from spiralling out of control until i feel almost out of body and become uncontrollable to the world around me. Autism to me is this other world, this other place, this other being, this secluded, voiceless, full of emotions, with everything little thing being so fascinating and mesmorizing, yet to the world around me is so disabling. At one point i do want to be in this world with everybody else, to jus tell them whats on my mind, to know whats it like to have a connection with a human being, to be able to do what everybody else does in this world, but at another point its way too confusing that i can't even comprehend what it would be like not autistic. So yes i totally know what u mean!