NT socializing and romance is overrated

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Well I have gotten laid and I still think it's over rated. Sex sex sex sex is all people care about. I've gone about eight months without sex with my husband. I'm lucky he has a low sex drive because he can go once a month of having it and he is good. But he won't go having it once a year


Janissy, I think I know a solution to your problem, don't look at aspies when they talk to you, look away and you don't have to see their body language since you can't stop reading it. If there is a book I don't want to read, I just close it and don't look at the words.

I agree with the lead in to relationship stuff being weird, bizarre, overrated. I would love to just 'go for a walk' or something. All the other stuff freaks me out, thinking about doing it. It's all from just genetic imperative of breeding. Birds dance around and puff themselves up, humans puff themselves up pretending to be bigger, richer, more attractive than they really are. I interpreted the original post to mean that there is cultural pressure on all of us to do that stuff...that there is no other real way to get to know someone. I am at my worst in that kind of environment of fakery. I have no intention of breeding, so I don't feel I should have to go through a mating dance like that.

Look, you can go on and hate this "NT" world, and how people want you to adapt to something you find ret*d, unneeded, and so on, but the only f*****g WAY to survive on this planet is by adapting at least a LITTLE. No matter how stupid it seems that you're the one having to adapt, instead of other people adapting to you. Why? Because YOU'RE the minority.

In the case of a relationship, you BOTH will need to adapt to each other's needs. That's how every normal couple does it, you know. Even if people are both NT's, they can have very different personalities, traits, needs - and if you're going to be in a close relationship, you'll simply need to adapt to each other. I doubt this very principle is very different in the case of a relationship between someone with AS and someone without AS. But you still have to adapt BOTH. You can't just expect your NT partner to "solely rely on your exact wording and no body language", for example. If you do, you're being just as ret*d as some typical NT who says to her AS boyfriend: "Why can't you just DO it?!".

Adapt.

OR, isolate yourself if you think you'll grow happy that way.

Hi

Very briefly, no two relationships are the same, whether you are Aspie or NT. I make up words for my (extremely neurotypical) boyfriend all the time, so you could say that's a foreign language of sorts!

People seem to think it's really weird when they learn the true meaning of asexuality. Not only to I not want to be sexual, I don't want a relationship....period. I don't even want casual friends. Even as young as four I didn't want to get married, let alone have kids. Stories of the damsel in distress frustrated me.

I wanted kids since I was five.

I love my girlfriend more than anything--don't get me wrong.

I unfortunately haven't been able to see her in almost two weeks...but that's been because I've been so focused on business.

You may be thinking "You're putting business above her? how dare you!"

I wouldn't jump to that, because I'm busting my *ss to get my business off the ground now so that way we can have a financially secure future.

I guess everyone shows their love in a different way; this is my way of doing it.

Of course she and I chat on a daily basis via cell phone, though.

I'm just a very business-focused person, but I want us to have a financially secure future; and to be perfectly frank, I don't think that being middle class is honestly gonna cut it. Not even being upper middle class will cut it.

I tells ya though...whenever we're just sitting there, watching a movie, she'll suddenly just grab me, and hold me tightly out of nowhere. She is madly in love with me, but naturally in a different way than I am with her. And I gotta tell ya...the emotion she feels is something I don't understand in that form. I'm glad she feels it...and of course I feel it as well, just in a different way. But it sure as hell seems a tad confusing at times.

I think socialization is completely over-rated. It's built up to be this big utopia of wonderful, and then winds up being little more than pointless drama with people you can barely count on most of the time. One thing that actually pisses me off is that everyone always asks me "why do you deal with the people you do? doesn't that kinda say something bad about you, and suggest that you don't think you're worth something better?"

Look...the fact is, socially, we're misfits. The majority won't touch us with a ten foot pole, so if we want friends, we gotta work with those who will. They may not always seem the most appealing, or be the most motivated; but it's called "accepting the hand we've been dealt."

I then later on learn that the majority who won't accept us have just as many skeletons in their closet as those that do...and I stop desiring as badly to socialize; go figure

About the body language part.. to me body language is like punctuation when I have a conversation with someone in the same room. When body language sends mixed signals, its like trying to read a wall of text without correct punctuation. It goes OK, but it takes a bit longer and it's more of a struggle. In a written fora like this you HAVE punctuation and smiley faces, emotiocons and whatnots to help underbuild tone and such. Still, I find that I frequently misunderstand peoples tone to be sharper or more hostile when on a discussion board or a chat, than I do in real life. The body language sort of removes the element of doubt.

So its not life-important to us (NTs) but its a massive crutch for us in communication. At least when speaking for myself.