Do you analyze your communications with other people?

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Aimless
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16 Jan 2010, 10:10 am

My father would start talking and then he would just stop mid sentence for a long time while everyone else squirmed. He and my mother were in a marriage enrichment group and they all complained. He wouldn't believe it until they taped him and played it back. He was just searching for the exact right word. I do it too sometimes. Sometimes I stop in the middle of a sentence because my mind has suddenly gone completely blank. What causes that? My brother says nerves but I think that's just the trigger.


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16 Jan 2010, 10:15 am

Netish wrote:
analysizing(sp?) .


Truth in spelling topic

Nice word. Another keeper. 8)


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16 Jan 2010, 1:26 pm

I don't do it as much as I would two years ago, but I still do this quite a lot.



zeldapsychology
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16 Jan 2010, 1:42 pm

Ever since the College suspension I analyze where I went wrong the different things I might of said or things I did was this wrong or that and how would I apologize to the Psychology teacher (beg on my knees for forgiveness) Would she avoid me as soon as she saw me? (One therapist said if SHE was the teacher she'd never want to see me again) Would she welcome me back open arms willing to give a second chance? Should I try to apologize to her? HOW do I apologize to her? How to I explain my behavior actions to where she'd understand (IMO this would be the easiest if she accepted me back since she was a Psychologist and a VERY GREAT listener at that.) So ya to her!! !! So yes I DO Over analyze LOL! That psychology teacher said analyzing is paralyzing (Now I know what she meant LOL!) I've been over analyzing the College situation and how to apologizing to her/continuing College for going on 5 YEARS FEB! :-) LOL!



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16 Jan 2010, 4:40 pm

ilivinamushroom wrote:
millie wrote:
Meadow wrote:
Yes. I go through so much turmoil afterward when I communicate with others it's not even worth it.


I can relate to Meadow.
I plan and rehearse scripts in my mind before all meetings with others.
I deconstruct and analyse ALL my interactions post-event.
I try to work things out after the event.
Sometimes I will understand the subtext of what someone was saying weeks, or months after the event.

It take up a lot of energy.
It was only when I was formally diagnosed that I learned that most human beings do not do this. I thought it was what everyone did.


Yes Yes yes I do all of this but I have come to a point finally that I choose to have a few people I interact with one on one . I have one friend to go hiking with and we have an agreement to have no expectations of each other. One for my daughters playdates i have another set script with ect. I have decided to just not interact with others beyond being polite and respectful to show that I don't dislike them or am not antisocial , I just have learned to stop the conversation before it becomes awkward (this is a new skill) this takes a huge burden from me.


exactamente!! !! !
this is what I am learning to do.
it is very good to relate to what you are saying.

I have had a bit of trouble with other mums at my son's school. I have introduced a new approach - which is the adherence to a script that involves words like "great," "wonderful," "oh how nice." I have recently learned that it is social suicide to over-disclose and monologue to many of these mums about AS and other things. My rule now - after running this over a couple of other AS people via email - is to adhere to a script that is clipped, positive and glib and says nothing or very little about me, what i am doing, my special interests etc.
It is actually working. I feel weird doing it but it is good.



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16 Jan 2010, 6:51 pm

I have done it in the past, but I really don't any more. It's not that I've learned any special thing and no longer have the need to analyze; I just don't care that much.



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17 Jan 2010, 4:54 pm

yes, I absolutely obsess about it. And they don't. They dump their garbage and forget about it. It's one reason I work alone, because this stuff with coworkers just wrecks me. The sociopaths can pick me out of a crow like nobody's business and really mop the floor with me. It's exhausting and it drastically affects my quality of life. The fewer communications of any kind I have, the better.



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17 Jan 2010, 5:13 pm

I do it all the time.


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17 Jan 2010, 5:26 pm

Occasionally. Especially if I believe what I said in the conversation sucked!


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17 Jan 2010, 11:02 pm

millie wrote:
I plan and rehearse scripts in my mind before all meetings with others.
I deconstruct and analyse ALL my interactions post-event.

It was only when I was formally diagnosed that I learned that most human beings do not do this. I thought it was what everyone did.


Same here.
I didn't realise that it wasn't "normal" for people to rehease their conversations until I was diagnosed because it's something I'd always done. It's something that I still do. I also analyse conversations after they've happened just to make sure that it went ok even though a lot of the time I'm still unaware of what I did wrong (if I did something wrong at all).


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18 Jan 2010, 3:30 am

cmyoung wrote:
Does anyone else have this overanalyzing problem?


yes, without a doubt, cmyoung.

i tend to dissect all communications and interactions; trying to gain insight into what i may have done correctly or incorrectly (is an apology or explanation necessary?), what i may need to do/may like to try on the next occasion, and filing away the account in my memory if i have some sort of regular or semi-regular association with an individual... sometimes i find myself re-speaking my "parts" aloud when analysing... :oops:

i will also run scripts or plays for potential interactions, again sometimes i find myself speaking my "parts" aloud when planning... :oops:


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18 Jan 2010, 8:21 am

Yes all the time. I don't quite know why as it only serves to hurt me sometimes, but hey, that must be the way my mind works.



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18 Jan 2010, 9:20 am

Another "omg yes".

This is the source of one of my major problems. I analyse everything and look for answers improvements and alternatives and it exhausts me.

I see meaning where there isn't any, i take on board problems when someone was just sounding off, i plan out encounters to huge degrees attempting to cover all the variables (except the one that happens usually) and i try to fix absolutely everything in the entire universe becuase if someone has mentioned it, it must be a problem and i can't just ignore it.

I'm still looking for ways to learn to control this.



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18 Jan 2010, 10:25 am

no never....just kidding YES! ALL THE TIME. Over and over in my head until it makes me want to explode. I'm never good enough for myself. I obsess over every little hiccup in a conversation, every little awkward silence, every bad joke, and every comment from others that I didn't understand. Then it gets so bad I start to ask people afterwards what I did wrong or if I was annoying and how I can make it better. It helps me but annoys people even more than they already were.



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18 Jan 2010, 1:57 pm

It's like we are rehearsing for life, instead of just living it... :?


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18 Jan 2010, 4:27 pm

Converstions are really going too fast, and I can't catch up main things most of the time. (ok! everytime :oops: )
In a conversation I have to analyze what the person says, what is the meaning behind the things that the person says, and the person's facial expressions.
It's impossible for me analyze all these stuff at the same time(I haven't got a Quad Core processor in my mind)
And if we talked about many things, I forget many of the those after the conversation, so that I don't have data to analyze after the conversation.

That's why I've been trying to take the "first steps" of social life (since the beginning of my childhood)


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