It feels very difficult ...

Post Reply New Topic

Thank you Hermier and hartzofspace for defending me. As you could tell, I am already feeling like a bad person over this, so being told "yes, you are a bad person" by whoever-it-was was just a bit pointless really.

It is funny that I have received so much empathy and understanding, and seen so much empathy and understanding given out to other people, on this forum, where we are supposedly less capable of it and impaired in that area. That unpleasant post contained no empathy as far as I could see and felt like he/she was just battering me over the head - yet it was from a self-described NON-autistic person.

Hermier, yes, she does have an interest. (I won't say what because I am afraid of identifying her). I am not interested in it myself but you have given me the idea that maybe I can relate to her just by understanding how it feels to be so interested in something. She remembers lots of facts about it and likes being tested on them, so yes this is absolutely something I could relate to her about. She also likes playing computer games, which I also like, but her favourite is a particular one that really gets on my nerves and she plays it all the time with her dad so I don't want to muscle in on their time ...

However, as you say Brittany2907, I should ask him what he thinks rather than assuming myself that something is the right or wrong thing to do. He is her father, he is NT and he does not have the stress and paranoia that I have about her, so for all these reasons, of course, I should believe what he says her feelings are, rather than trying to work it out myself.

This fits in with something that I am starting to make sense of in general. I shoud stop trying to work out what people are feeling. I can't do it, and if I try, I tend to get paranoid because I think they must be feeling something bad about me. My previous boyfriend was on the spectrum, quite severe in fact, and he was always guessing what I felt, getting it wrong and then shouting and being angry at me for feeling such-and-such, when he had imagined it. I can see the same trait in myself and I need to stop it. It is crazy to admit to myself that I have a blind spot, and then claim that I can see things in it, like how the little girl feels about me.

Hermier, I really cannot thank you enough. The movie idea is a good one too. I will definitely do that with her. I am really grateful to you for giving me practical suggestions because something like a movie might seem obvious to other people whereas I am so stressed that my brain has gone to mush and I need it all spelling out for me!

I'm glad to have helped, anomie! Like others here have said, it took courage to come on these boards and admit that you were having trouble, and then ask for help. I don't think that most Nts can understand the particular challenges of being on the spectrum, because so many things come to them naturally, that we have to work so hard at! I think that part of your problem could be executive dysfunction. This causes things to seem so overwhelming that you can't even begin to work on them. I struggle with this, myself. And, God forbid that I have to make last minute plans!