people are starting to use Autism as an excuse.....

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Also there can be a whole load of reasons the NT underlying meaning in the father's language. Don't forget Nt's communicate multiple meanings and we have pick out the key meaning most appropriate to the context in which it is being used.

We then have to structure the tertiary meaning in order of significance.

1. NT's don't always know what they mean themselves which makes what they say even harder to evaluate. I have dog . My dog has a set of routine behavioral responses to particular situations. It goes into sniffing mode, it goes into need a walk mode : so I'm going to start brushing against your legs and following you everywhere around the house etc. NT's go into certain modes and can say stuff and carry out strings of behavior that worked in one context but might not work as well in the current one. Hence what they say and do often can appear meaningless. They don't get it right all the time.

2. NT's have a mirror meaning : (I'm not saying this to be cruel or that's what this was) . When they see someone is autistic , and they think you might be negatively evaluating the behavior of their child , they might use "he's autistic to mean"- "he is behaving like this because he is like you", even when he is not, to avoid what they perceive as you negatively appraising their child.
Basically what he could be saying is " I have determined you are autistic, don't judge my kid who isn't" it's a social threat, almost.


Remember they place much more significance on labels that we do and don't understand we tend be be less judgmental about their kids and all other stuff they do that bothers them.

Last edited by memesplice on 28 Feb 2010, 4:57 am, edited 2 times in total.

methinks using AS as an excuse is great lol

Just because to you it seemed like the kid was perfectly capable doesn't mean he was. I get told that I look "really smart" all the time and I'm not. I suppose I am in my own little way, but I was unable to complete a bachelor's degree due to the classes being too difficult to understand and I also don't grasp simple concepts in general. So looks are deceiving.

Mario just pick up the pants and remember plates aren't meant to be used as Petri Dishes.


OK

it is indeed possible I made a misjudgement; granted, I'm kinda unfortunately at this point used to having most of our customers trying to pull some sort of scam on us to get free stuff, so I might've potentially jumped the gun on it.

I like what you said too, memesplice; made a lot of sense.

And why should he feel bad about something that he can't help?

Uh I've felt bad for offending people unintentionally. Shouldn't I have not felt bad because I couldn't help it?

I've felt bad for my meltdowns just because my husband would do things and it make me mad and he was trying to think of me and be thoughtful and he gets yelling and screaming in return. I felt like a jerk afterwards and thought I need to try harder. Shouldn't I have not felt bad for that?

There is a difference between dropping an icecream and doing things that hurt people. Also, if you knew not to say the offensive things again, and if you managed to obtain a different perspective on the things that trigger your meltdowns, then that implies that you were able to do something about it, and that you realised you could. There may be nothing that this child can do about his motor skills problems, and if there is, he may not be aware of it.

On various messageboards, I'm always being accused of using my AS as an excuse but they never say speficaly what I am using it as an excuse for. Then they go and cyber bully me.

Punkycat. There will be no bullying here. There are a load of HF Aspis with lots of experience in dealing with NT's and we get very pissed at this kind of stuff.

How was she bullying?

I don't think that's fair. If he genuinely has lousy finemotor skills, it's not an excuse, it's a reason.

Now, if he was bullying another kid and no one punished him because he was autistic, that would indeed be using it as an excuse.

Meme was assuring Punky that she won't be trolled here.

Devil's advocate here...

I'm a parent, and one thing that we as parents experience all the time with our special children is judgement. My child melts down, he has a hard time not doing that in certain situations. It's not because he's a brat, it's because he's overstimulated for whatever reason and he can't help it...he's 8.

My son is direct. It's how he communicates. He doesn't understand semantics, rudeness he is just starting to get, etc. He's 8, and he's still learning social graces and will for a long time. He doesn't learn that naturally, he has to be taught and then he has to remember on top of that. He's not rude and selfish, he's missunderstood.

People look at my son through NT eyes, and pass NT judgements based on NT points of view. I'm not a bad mother, I don't let him get away with murder, I deal with inappropriate behavior, I accept the things that are hard for HIM that give him difficulty because of his neurology and I give him the time to learn in his own way and his own time.

I feel sometimes the same way as that man may have felt and I consciously try not to say, "my child has autism and he's not really beating up your kid, he's just trying to make him listen and he doesn't quite know how to do that yet". You get tired of people judging you and coming to the conclusion that you are a bad parent or your child is spoiled or whatever, and it's hard not to be compelled to explain. I am all about overcoming difficulties, but you can't expect every child with this challenge to overcome everything, and learn things at the same rate as NT kids. It just doesn't always happen. This goes for anyone with any challenge outside of the norm. People don't understand this and the judgement gets tiring. I have even gotten to the point that I can't even deal with talking parenting with anyone that does not have a special needs child. They just piss me off. I have a stepson with ADHD. He's not lazy, he tries his best, and he, by choice, tries without meds. He's not always successful. Get off his back.

Try not to judge these parents too harshly. I can't speak for this guy, but people may just be trying to protect their kids from the ignorant world out there.

I really, really, don't like the implied "... and you know how those autistic people are." at the end of the father's sentence.

What?
Where?
I did not see this.