What on earth?! Can some one please explain this nonsense?!
He may have a crush on you. This crush is socially unacceptable because you are "the weird girl" so he has to hide it from his friends and make it seem like standard bullying. Why do I think this? Because his bullying has such an oddly interactive quality. It seems to be mostly attempts to get you to look at him or interact with him or even touch him, rather than attempts to destroy you. You don't give any anecdotes of him attempting to destroy your artwork (I think a bully who really wanted to hurt you would do that, given you are in an art class together). But you say that he demanded a handshake, then a hug. Maybe it would have been to do something hurtful when physically close. But I do find it odd.
I once had a bully who had a secret crush on me. He took every opportunity to make physical contact (shoving, pushing, grabbing) and always tried to make me notice some weird thing he was doing. When we were in our 20's I banged into him and he explained it all from an adult perspective. He had a massive crush on me but that was not permitted by his friends so he had to hide it under bullying. It is possible the same thing is going on here. I just find it odd that a bully would demand a hug. Or try to get you to watch his kissing technique. You even said "He does anything to get close to me". That right there makes me think he has a crush that is socially unacceptable to his friends.
There might be something to this.
In my school experience people tend to bully their own gender, and not the opposite sex.
Each gender has its own pecking order so theres little point in bullying someone of the opposite sex.
He may have a crush on you. This crush is socially unacceptable because you are "the weird girl" so he has to hide it from his friends and make it seem like standard bullying. Why do I think this? Because his bullying has such an oddly interactive quality. It seems to be mostly attempts to get you to look at him or interact with him or even touch him, rather than attempts to destroy you. You don't give any anecdotes of him attempting to destroy your artwork (I think a bully who really wanted to hurt you would do that, given you are in an art class together). But you say that he demanded a handshake, then a hug. Maybe it would have been to do something hurtful when physically close. But I do find it odd.
I once had a bully who had a secret crush on me. He took every opportunity to make physical contact (shoving, pushing, grabbing) and always tried to make me notice some weird thing he was doing. When we were in our 20's I banged into him and he explained it all from an adult perspective. He had a massive crush on me but that was not permitted by his friends so he had to hide it under bullying. It is possible the same thing is going on here. I just find it odd that a bully would demand a hug. Or try to get you to watch his kissing technique. You even said "He does anything to get close to me". That right there makes me think he has a crush that is socially unacceptable to his friends.
There might be something to this.
In my school experience people tend to bully their own gender, and not the opposite sex.
Each gender has its own pecking order so theres little point in bullying someone of the opposite sex.
There may be something to it....but what he is doing is harrassment anyway and should not be tolerated.
He may have a crush on you. This crush is socially unacceptable because you are "the weird girl" so he has to hide it from his friends and make it seem like standard bullying. Why do I think this? Because his bullying has such an oddly interactive quality. It seems to be mostly attempts to get you to look at him or interact with him or even touch him, rather than attempts to destroy you. You don't give any anecdotes of him attempting to destroy your artwork (I think a bully who really wanted to hurt you would do that, given you are in an art class together). But you say that he demanded a handshake, then a hug. Maybe it would have been to do something hurtful when physically close. But I do find it odd.
I once had a bully who had a secret crush on me. He took every opportunity to make physical contact (shoving, pushing, grabbing) and always tried to make me notice some weird thing he was doing. When we were in our 20's I banged into him and he explained it all from an adult perspective. He had a massive crush on me but that was not permitted by his friends so he had to hide it under bullying. It is possible the same thing is going on here. I just find it odd that a bully would demand a hug. Or try to get you to watch his kissing technique. You even said "He does anything to get close to me". That right there makes me think he has a crush that is socially unacceptable to his friends.
it is possible, but a guy, no matter what age, who won't stand up for the girl he likes isn't worth it
i had to deal with a lot of these guys in my high school, the problem with them is they weren't looking for a girlfriend at all, they were looking for a hook up
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Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth. -Mark Twain
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
I am as confused as you are, his behavior sure doesn't make any sense. But it sounds like you are handling it really well, good for you for saying "I don't like hugging much". That's awesome you set a boundary with him. He'll probably get tired of acting like an idiot eventually.
He may have a crush on you. This crush is socially unacceptable because you are "the weird girl" so he has to hide it from his friends and make it seem like standard bullying. Why do I think this? Because his bullying has such an oddly interactive quality. It seems to be mostly attempts to get you to look at him or interact with him or even touch him, rather than attempts to destroy you. You don't give any anecdotes of him attempting to destroy your artwork (I think a bully who really wanted to hurt you would do that, given you are in an art class together). But you say that he demanded a handshake, then a hug. Maybe it would have been to do something hurtful when physically close. But I do find it odd.
I once had a bully who had a secret crush on me. He took every opportunity to make physical contact (shoving, pushing, grabbing) and always tried to make me notice some weird thing he was doing. When we were in our 20's I banged into him and he explained it all from an adult perspective. He had a massive crush on me but that was not permitted by his friends so he had to hide it under bullying. It is possible the same thing is going on here. I just find it odd that a bully would demand a hug. Or try to get you to watch his kissing technique. You even said "He does anything to get close to me". That right there makes me think he has a crush that is socially unacceptable to his friends.
Just how I interpreted it.
I suppose when I was about 8 I had a crush on someone and all I could do was throw things at him.
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My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/
I think it still can be, not in the sense that he has no idea how to act appropriately on crush feelings but rather that he has a crush on somebody that people will mock him for crushing on. The noble thing to do would be to say "I don't care what my friends think, I want you". But 14 year olds (at least NT 14 year olds) really care intensly what their friends think of them, no matter how ignoble that is. Even as adults people can be very judgemental of unlikely couples. The hippie is not "allowed" to be attracted to a Republican. The jock is not "allowed" to be attracted to a goth. So I'm not suprised to see it in a 14 year old.
Or maybe that's not it at all. But I don't think his age or his willingness to be affectionate in public invalidates my theory. I think he's trying to avoid the flak that one gets from being attracted to somebody not in one's "group".
ProfessaM,
I WISH I could explain it. Frankly, I think most bullys ARE insecure.
I really don't understand some social things. One girl who was a friend once did things that ANNOYED me, and she KNEW it. My mother only relatively recently(about 35 years AFTER the incident) reminded me of it, and said she LIKED me. WHO KNEW?
In a commercial, a father tells his young daughter that boys do the same. I couldn't tell you if THAT is true either.
(By the way, well written. You don't write like a 14 year old.)
14 year olds (and, I've found, 14 year old aspies) can type just fine. I don't know if I've mentioned it here on the forum (as opposed to the IRC,) but I'm 15, and was 14 not too long ago. I can write better than some adults, (no brag, just example) as can another 15 year old aspie I know (my best friend.)
It's rather embarassing to have to state your age on the interblag, because in lots of places, you'll get talked down to if you're under 17.
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I prefer to believe that the universe is fundamentally absurd, and if I ignore it, it might go away.
Never assume everyone's better off than you, that's unfounded optimism.
15 and diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome
14 year olds can be quite immature. Oh and I was probably around 10 or 11 when I had that crush and it was on an older man. I'm glad I just threw things at him and nothing further happened. He would go to prison.
And I agree with what someone said that if someone is considered weird, of course he will act like a jerk in front of them to impress his mates. But he still could have a crush. I've been teased plenty of times by teens/ people in their 20's who had a crush on me.
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My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/
When I was 14 this happened to me a lot. At first I thought I was being bullied, then someone would say it's because they have a shameful crush on me, then it would turn out they really only did it because the wanted to take me down to their level. I could never tell if it was real teasing or flirty teasing, and I could never tell when the flirting was real flirting and when they were actually making fun of me. There was always plenty of laughter behind my back. I would ask my friend (who's charming and always interacts flawlessly wherever she goes) and she would back me up or give me pointers. I always wondered why she would want to be with someone like me, but as it turns out she really did like me. We're still friends, but don't see each other much (different cities, different lives). But before I had her I mistook bullying for flirting and thought guys were crushing on me when they really just wanted to humiliate me, and I probably shot down a few honest charm-attempts by assuming malicious intent. Life could have been so much better if I'd only been average smart about the social bit.
Thankfully, as I came into my twenties, I started hanging out with older people who were secure enough to actually flirt when they meant to flirt. And that's the blessing of this age. Nobody can force me to hang out with meanspirited hormonal NTs who enjoy outwitting me socially just because I outwitted them in class.
You are interesting to him and his friends. If you want it to stop you need to stop being interesting. If you're ok with it at this level just don't be too interesting.
You are actually in control here in a strange way
If you totally ignore them they'll likely go away (they may get worse first trying to get a reaction).
If you give him a few responces here and there they'll stay interested but not overly, they may even start to like you and consider you part of their group, though on a lower standing to them.
If you give them the responces they laugh at, like and enjoy, they'll keep doing it and likely more.
Whatever you do, don't get emotional, violent, shout, screen, fight etc, it will only cause you problems, both with them, everyone else and the school.
I remember when I was 13 a boy had a crush on me. I didn't say anything to him. I was still pretty much a select mute at that point. So later on that year he accused me of bashing in his locker and stealing money from the school. Love can make people do/say awful things.
And recently a guy who I had been friends with and even give him my number had turned nasty probably because he couldn't get me to reciprocate any feelings.
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My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/
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