Did your parents make you do things on your own?

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When I was a kid I wasn't diagnosed so my mum just thought I was being difficult. Instead of forcing me to do something that I obviously wasn't going to do on my own, she would just end up doing it herself. I couldn't dress myself until I was about 6-7 years old and it wasn't until that age that I actually started chewing food properly and not choking on it (my mum used to mash it). I couldn't tie up my own hair until I was 13 and now at 18 am only just getting comfortable with using public transport. She used to drop me off at school and pick me up because I would refuse to get the bus and when I did, I would come home crying.

I know that she did too much for me. I think she just did it because she didn't want to get into an argument with me.

I'm really struggling to get my AS 12-year old to do things. He has a lot of anxiety about trying things and he tends to get frustrated and give up as soon as something is more difficult than he anticipated. He'll choose to go hungry rather than attempt to spread butter on his own toast, for instance, because spreading butter is a physical action he hasn't mastered, and it can be difficult. Today he wanted to watch a video, but didn't know how to use the VCR. I had to talk him through it, but he did it himself. I was very pleased, because many times he'll just give up, and spend the rest of the day feeling all stressed out because he wasn't able to watch his movie. So, anytime he's willing and able to try something new, I'm pleased.

My 8 year old is mostly NT, and he just naturally tries things himself. If he's thirsty, and he sees that I'm busy, he'll just go into the kitchen, climb up onto the counter to reach a cup, open the fridge, get some milk, et cetera. It's very different. As a mother, I really appreciate it when either of them do things to help themselves. Not only does it free me up, but also it lets me know that they are learning important life skills. I can imagine my younger son as an adult, living independently. I'm not so sure about my older one.

Regional Center is supposed to be helping my son with life skills, but from what I can tell, that just means giving me advice like, "Have you considered telling him he can't play video games unless he makes him own sandwich?" Of course, that's the opposite of helpful. In fact, it's insulting, because it assumes that I'm an idiot, and that my son is simply being lazy.

Lots of times, but it is not because they want to teach me life skills, but because they do not want to do it themselves (I use they because my sister does it too).

Yeah.

As a child too (she'd ask me to go and order something by myself as she watched when I was very young). Ma wanted to teach me to do things for myself.

It really helped.

For the most part, no. I was trying to grate some cheese the other day and my mom won't let me. I'm 23 years old, I think I am capable of grating my own cheese. I've always been over sheltered and I have to fight with them a lot of the time for me to be able to do things on my own. My parents wouldn't even let me try to hold down a job or learn to drivew because they automaticaly deciced it would be too "stressful" for me. My mother doesn't want me to be a vet because she thinks vet school will be too "hard".

I make myself do things on my own.

Nope. If I didn't want to order my own food she'd order it for me. If I didn't want swimming lessons I didn't have to. I was a very stubborn child and my mum just let me get my own way.
I can order my own food and buy my own clothes myself now. It was a bit difficult at first, because of the whole no talking to people thing, but I eventually got better at it.

I had a big problem about making food if I had never done it before. I think I picked up making toast after someone explained it on TV, and they said as though it was a no brainer thing.
You have to show kids like that step by step instructions and help them make the food with you. My mum did that with stir fry and it's all I make. I'm a bit more experimental these days when it comes to making food. Experimental meaning that I'll throw a bunch of stuff together and hope it tastes good. I couldn't bake or anything like that.
Maybe start teaching him some recipes, but you both have got to do it together. When I was 12 I couldn't really make myself food, so it might take some time for your son to eventually get the hang of it.
And don't doubt about him becoming independent one day. It may be hard for him and he may need help but he will be. Everyone told me that I'd be living with my mum forever, and she still jokes about it which irritates me. I have more than AS going on with me but if I wanted to move out I could. I just know that it's such a struggle for me to do things on my own so I'm taking my time.

My daughter learned to ask store clerks for help when she was around 3- it would surprise the heck out of them to hear the little "excuse me!" and have this kid asking them for help. I think she did it because she knew early on that I would look for something for forever before trying to get help. The other day I went shopping alone, and I thought about this very subject as I pushed my heavy cart around looking for mousetraps. I didn't find them and I left the store without them.

My mum used to go on about how I should stay in less and how she was always out with her friends, but she's now shut up about that since she seems to have realised I don't take kindly to being forced to socialise, and I also think it to be a waste of time better spent programming. And getting rich.