The handshake

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Even if it's a sign of respect to NTs, I don't see the importance of showing respect to strangers in general. Like League_Girl, I accept handshakes to be polite.

I like it. Little social rituals like that make social situations easier to navigate.
On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that most people aren't concealing their hands so that they can stab me with their swords.

shakes suck

I've worked on it, it's uncomfortable but i do it anyway. I have a special handshake for people with ASD, but they hate it most of the time, they don't have to tell me do they? =(

Hand shakes, clicking glasses together in a toast, etc are very old. Hand shake supposedly means something like, "I am unarmed and to prove it i offer you my arm/hand." Luckily, this is mainly used officially for meeting an employer, or someone you'll be working with while at a job (social tastes pending). Not quite sure if this was a Roman Empire tradition (like the glass clicking) . . . we can thank the gladiators for a lot of stuff.

The unarmed thing doesn't really make much sense. You could have a weapon in your other hand, start a handshake, pull them towards you and easily stab them in the side. Unless it's supposed to be an "I trust you not to do that" thing

Really?
Well, then I ought to stop doing it.
I do not respect everyone that crosses my path, and tries to touch my hands.
I do not want to be sending them signals that I am entirely comfortable with them either.
Thank you for this.

agreed

I don't like shaking hands, but if I do it, I just want it to be firm, like a firm hug (hugs came up a few posts ago. Usually hugs seem awkward, but a big bear hug from a man is so definite that it's kinda nice. The handshake doesn't have to be crazy firm, just alive. If shaking hands went away, I'd be very pleased, though. Where I live and among my peers, in social situations, often a woman doesn't get a handshake, just the men exchange them and the men nod or somehow acknowledge the women. I like that. Hands seem so personal - I prefer just saying hello and I don't mind the acceptable aloofness.

I'm female, so I don't encounter the handshake very often. But when I do I feel very uncomfortable and am never quite sure how hard or soft to hold a grip, and for how long.

One of my pet hates is the kiss as a greeting and goodbye. I'm never sure whether to kiss their cheek or the air. I usually try to avoid it by keeping someone in front of me or by being distracted. I was brought up to kiss people (just a peck) on the mouth. I believe this is part of my Lebanese heritage. I dislike it a lot because kissing on the mouth should only be for your partner. I only allow hugs if I've known a person well for at least 2 years, not just casual acquaintances. If I encounter a hug from someone I don't know I freeze, I feel like elbowing or punching them. (I am not a violent person)

That is ... awkward. You do this to everyone, including those outside your heritage? Do others kiss as a greeting, too?

More info on the handshake:

The Handshake

No. I stopped doing that when I was around 11 years old. But my Dad's family kiss on the lips as a greeting and goodbye. I have trained people around me to only hug me, except my partner and my son, but I only kiss my son on the cheek, not the lips.

Some people around where I live (South Australia) kiss on the cheek or kiss the air as a greeting and goodbye. I find it strange. A LOT of people hug each other as a greeting and goodbye, even if they hardly know the person.


Anyway, back to handshakes, has any one had someone shake hands with them and instead of the hands being vertical, they try to get your hand horizontal (palm up) with their hand on top? It's supposed to mean they are trying to show you they are the dominant one.
I think I read that in a book by Allan Pease, who is an expert on body language.

My biggest problem with handshakes is half the time I don't know if they want me to shake their hands or to give them a five. Sometimes I just meet them in the middle and do a light five and a sort of power grasp after.

I find shaking hands awkward, but it's better than the yuppie hug-kiss. I get super uncomfortable when someone tries to kiss me in greeting.

I shook two hands tonight. As with 90% of the eople I shake hands with they were strangers to me and 3rd world. I will shake with strange nonEuropeans and with strange administrators if they are that type. But it is NOT easy. And I will not make it a variant of arm-wrestling, as som do, and I will NOT make eye contact while doing it. One stressor is enough.

As for hugs - again, very restricted. Aside from the VERY short list of people I happily hug, it is restricted this time to family members who expect it. And uncomfortable.

Bacjk when I was about 8, left with a babysitter, the nice but misguided sitter insisted on taking a picture of me hugging my sister. Well, the thought was abhorrent - nothing against the sister, but hugging is unme. But yhou have to obey adults even when they are crazy. I still have the picture.