Mother in denial about my AS

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My mother in law read a report on my son from special education that I showed her, it says he appears to have autism and explained why, she read the whole thing in silence and dismissively said 'Theres nothing wrong with him'.

Well I do agree that there was/is nothing 'wrong' with him but he is different, doesn't talk, has never answered to his name, never pointed, never looked where I'm pointing, walks on tip toes, flaps his arms, canters rather than walks etc etc. And has an offical Autism diagnosis now.

Even after the diagnosis my father in law said to another family member 'he seems alright to me'.

How head in the sand can you be? Some people are either stoopid or in denial I guess.

This is quite true.

My Mum found it hard to accept the diagnosis at first. My Dad, sister and other family members agreed that the diagnosis was correct but my Mother just found it hard to accept. Despite the fact that she was always mentioning that I was not normal and that she knew from when I was a small child that there was something 'wrong', she just couldn't accept (according to my pyschologist) that I wasn't ''perfect''.

During that time, it was very hard to cope with it. She would recycle the names that she would call me before the diagnosis: ''Freak, spaz'' etc. Whilst it hurt even more than it did before the diagnosis, after a time she accepted that I did have AS, although there hasn't been much in the improvement of the name calling. My Mother has also found it necessary to blame my Dad because of the genetic arguement. He displays Asperger traits and whilst he's in denial about him having AS, I think he does this because of my mum.

One of the problems is that there is a lack of understanding and education and there isn't really much support for parents. Whilst some parents may receive support to help them ''come to terms'', there are some parents who don't and this then leads to problems with the 'relationship' between the child with AS and their parents, who feel the need to vent their feelings out on their child when ideally they should support him/her.

Either they just don't understand what AS is or they are in denial because it is a shock to find out.
Which is quite ridiculous in either case.

My mother was argumentative with the psychologist when he interviewed her about my childhood. She was totally opposed to the concept of autistic spectrum disorder in the family. She kept wanting to know what her answers would mean before she would give them. She also argued with my father, who accepted the diagnosis from the outset.

She is still antsy about ASD, but is coming to terms with the idea that having the diagnosis is actually helpful to me in finding ways of understanding and coping with my problems. She is not in denial about me having problems, as they are quite apparent, she is unhappy with the concept of a developmental disorder in any of her kids. She has no ASD traits at all, my father probably has some, one nephew is autistic.

I am in my forties, diagnosed last year.

The sort of parents who don't come to accept their kids for who they are or call them abusive names can sometimes be helped by being slapped hard across the face.*



*Not sure if this is true but its worth a try.

Why what?

Let me tell, all my life my parents have sent me to doctor after doctor to try and figure out why it was I couldn't make friends, why I was so quiet, why I couldn't quite fit in, or why it was I couldn't follow directions or the "norm." I guess as I got older, they gave up trying to find out what it was, but in college, I found out I have AS. And my parents, having believed there was nothing wrong after all, CAN'T accept the diagnosis. I was born 1976, and AS wasn't officially recognized until the 1990s when I was in high school and then college. My parents were in denial all my life then. Maybe some doctors along the way were trying to tell them I was autistic, high-functioning, but they wouldn't listen.

it could be possible that she just doesn't want to admit to your having AS because she would then have to consider that she might have it. And that could be the trouble with her not wanting to admit to yours possibly?

why tell others that you think they have aspergers?

Thankfully my parents accept it.

I guess it is because they don't believe it to be genetic or something, they still will deny I have it in public.

My mum was in constant denial about my AS even though I displayed several Autistic traits when I was little, like repetitive actions (watching the same videos over and over again X 100), lack of danger, and heavy mutism despite having caught up with the speech development (in my own world).

She was saying that I was "copying" what I was reading off the internet and pretending to have the condition so I fake various symptoms. She said that if I think I have it, then I'll "get" Aspergers, and that if I don't think about it, then I won't "get" it. She said "Must have positive thinking, stop being negative! People get illnesses when they have negative thinking" WTF??! !

And she said that ASDs only exist in Western countries and it doesn't exist in Asian countries which is f*****g BS, it's because there's a much lower awareness of Psychiatric/Psychological/Neurological conditions in Asian countries along with greater stigma. And when she found out I was frequently reading the Wrongplanet forums, she said that I don't have it even though I had so many of the symptoms. And that's when I just cracked the s**ts and said "I f*****g HAVE IT! I f*****g HAVE IT! WHY THE f**k WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME???" And I threw a jar against the wall in anger. I think that's considered a meltdown.

And then I said "If you don't believe me, why don't we go see a Psychologist and see what she says?" And then she reluctantly said ok, and she hoped that I didn't have Aspergers. So we went to the Psychologist (Janine Manjiviona), and after 2 sessions, she confirmed that I definitely had AS, no doubt about it.

After getting the AS confirmed by the Psychologist, my mum then fully shutted the f**k up about all that rubbish about me faking AS and not having it. She's now ok with me reading Wrongplanet and going to AS meetings and talking to AS people.

But yeah, I don't understand why parents are so much in denial of the child's AS when accepting the diagnosis and working on the child's deficits is a much better thing to do (less time wasted)...