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Totally changing your life

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Taupey
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28 Mar 2010, 4:56 pm

zeichner wrote:
rmgh wrote:
Has anyone here with Asperger's Syndrome totally changed their life or attempted to do so? For example, moving away from your family and friends to somewhere completely new and different. Or totally changing your lifestyle where you are. Does anyone want to do this and if so, what do you feel is most stopping you?

The first major change I made to my life, was when I enlisted in the Army, at the age of 25. It took me completely away from my family & friends (what few I had) & eventually brought me to Belgium.

The next major change, was when I decided to leave the Army (at the age of 33), but not go back to my home town. I settled about 100 miles away from the town where I grew up. By that time, all of my friends had moved on (and I left behind the friends I had made in the Army.) That change also included a change in career, from music to technical drawing.

I'm currently in the process (at the age of 51) of changing my life again. This time, I'm staying where I am & with the same career. The change started with getting fit - losing 50 pounds (back to the weight I was in college) & learning to eat healthy - and has continued with a specific effort to make friends & establish a support system (along the way, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.) It's going quite well, by the way.


That's wonderful things are going well for you, Zeichner. It's not always easy to start over again. I'm an Air Force Vet myself. :sunny:



druidsbird
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29 Mar 2010, 3:08 am

My whole life I have lived within a five block radius of my current apartment. All my childhood homes, my parents house, elementary school, and high school, my first, second, third, fourth, fifth, and seventh jobs were all right here. I have traveled, but always with someone who loves me and who I trust with my life. For all intents and purposes, my entire life is right here in this suburb. It's been good to me to spend so much of my life in a familiar and safe-feeling place. And so I've resisted leaving even when I had reason or opportunity to do so.

When my current partner and I became serious, she moved here.

Sometime within the next year, I will be moving with her to her home state so she can finish school. I do not have family there, know nobody there, know nothing there... I don't even know what it will look like. I've literally never left this neighborhood. And I'm terrified. :(

If anyone else on this forum has ever had to do something like this, please tell me how it went for you and what I should expect. I'm going to do this, and I'm really really scared.


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auntblabby
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29 Mar 2010, 7:40 am

druidsbird wrote:
I do not have family there, know nobody there, know nothing there... I don't even know what it will look like. I've literally never left this neighborhood. And I'm terrified. If anyone else on this forum has ever had to do something like this, please tell me how it went for you and what I should expect. I'm going to do this, and I'm really really scared.


well, i don't know if you would agree that this counts, but you asked so i must mention there is nothing which is more "leave home without it" than joining the military. i spent 4 years in uncle sam's army in the exact opposite end of the country [washington, d.c.] from where i was born and lived all my life within a few miles of home- washington state. and it was a bit scary, but i got over it and i know you will, especially since you have a mate that you get on well enough to travel with, a true advantage i never was fortunate to have. it will be an adventure, you will see new things, as well as old things in a new light. i have confidence in you, so you should have confidence in you also.
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druidsbird
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29 Mar 2010, 1:51 pm

auntblabby wrote:
druidsbird wrote:
I do not have family there, know nobody there, know nothing there... I don't even know what it will look like. I've literally never left this neighborhood. And I'm terrified. If anyone else on this forum has ever had to do something like this, please tell me how it went for you and what I should expect. I'm going to do this, and I'm really really scared.


well, i don't know if you would agree that this counts, but you asked so i must mention there is nothing which is more "leave home without it" than joining the military. i spent 4 years in uncle sam's army in the exact opposite end of the country [washington, d.c.] from where i was born and lived all my life within a few miles of home- washington state. and it was a bit scary, but i got over it and i know you will, especially since you have a mate that you get on well enough to travel with, a true advantage i never was fortunate to have. it will be an adventure, you will see new things, as well as old things in a new light. i have confidence in you, so you should have confidence in you also.
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"i feel sorry for myself. why, you ask? well, if I didn't feel sorry for me, then who would?" :D


Your reassuring words really mean a lot to me. Thank you. :)


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auntblabby
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30 Mar 2010, 9:15 am

druidsbird wrote:
Your reassuring words really mean a lot to me. Thank you. :)


bowing :)



Irisrises
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30 Mar 2010, 12:15 pm

And don't underestimate slow changes either. Not everything dramatic happens quickly.



rmgh
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06 Apr 2010, 4:27 pm

Thank you all so much for your replies, everyone. I really enjoyed reading them all. There's so many different stories here, some people succeeding, some people failing. But the main thing is, everyone here has done or is going to do what they think is right for them. That is what I want to do.

Thank you again. And good luck for the challenges ahead!



gassy
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06 Apr 2010, 4:35 pm

Leaving home and going to uni didn't completely change me but allowed me to become more independent, mature and most importantly more confident especially when it came to socialising with other people. It also helped me to become analytical (i think) (whether thats a good or bad thing is debatable) and also helped me to become more open minded and more curious about people and culture which almost certainly wouldn't have happened if i stayed at home.



spooky13
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06 Apr 2010, 5:28 pm

I haven't lived with my family since I was 23, but I lived in the same state until I was 32. Moving far away to another state is the best way for me to get along with my family. :lol:


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dt18
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06 Apr 2010, 11:03 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Yes. I moved out when I was almost 20. It was a easy change because I was so excited to have my own place and not worry about other peoples messes. I only lived up the road from my parents and they were there when I needed them.

Then I moved out to Oregon and my parents helped. My dad brought me out here and I was living with my ex who I was with at the time. It was depressing because I wasn't settled in and it took me a while to get settled. Then I lived with my aunt and uncle and I brought more stuff back when I went out to Montana for my grandfather's memorial service when he died and I got to see my brother graduate.
Then my parents brought more stuff out to me that fall just before I got an apartment. Then when I got one, my aunt and uncle helped me move in by moving my stuff here too and they loaned us patio chairs because my husband and I hardly had furniture in our apartment. Then my parents brought more furniture out to me after I moved in my apartment. Then my aunt and uncle took pack their chairs.

I still have stuff in Montana but I have no room for it unless I want the bedroom to become a storage room. I brought back my TY beanies and coloring books and some video games and since then I have brought back nothing.

I've thought about moving out to Wisconsin because I have lot of relatives there and I thought about Spokane because it was my obsession and Benny & Joon took place there and it was filmed. But I picked Portland because it's where I grew up most of my life. Plus my ex was here.

Now my parents are wanting to move out here and be closer to me again. Plus they like the city here.


I've lived in Wisconsin my whole life and am honestly thinking I'm going to leave this state as soon as I'm done with college. Wisconsin does have it's good and bad points. The education system is the main reason I'm staying for now. We do have good schools over here. What I am sick of is people's attitudes here. A lot of people in WI, especially people in my age group, are very self centered and very selfish...they only care about themselves and their circle of friends. I will probably end up moving to Minnesota for a few years since that's where the college I plan on graduating from has work agreements. In terms of people though, Minnesota doesn't look much better either...from what I've seen very self centered type people as well. As soon as I get some work experience in Minnesota, I am planning on moving down to Florida. I love the climate and the people down there seem like very nice, polite laid back type people and that is what I look for. If anyone would shed some light on this, I would appreciate it. Thanks. End of rant.



zeichner
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07 Apr 2010, 1:22 am

dt18 wrote:
I've lived in Wisconsin my whole life and am honestly thinking I'm going to leave this state as soon as I'm done with college. Wisconsin does have it's good and bad points. The education system is the main reason I'm staying for now. We do have good schools over here. What I am sick of is people's attitudes here. A lot of people in WI, especially people in my age group, are very self centered and very selfish...they only care about themselves and their circle of friends. I will probably end up moving to Minnesota for a few years since that's where the college I plan on graduating from has work agreements. In terms of people though, Minnesota doesn't look much better either...from what I've seen very self centered type people as well. As soon as I get some work experience in Minnesota, I am planning on moving down to Florida. I love the climate and the people down there seem like very nice, polite laid back type people and that is what I look for. If anyone would shed some light on this, I would appreciate it. Thanks. End of rant.

So far, I've lived in Wisconsin, Oklahoma, Belgium & Minnesota - but have spent significant time with people from all over the US & much of Europe. In general, people only care about themselves and their circle of friends. That's just human nature. That doesn't mean that you can't find specific people wherever you are who care about others - but that isn't the norm. People simply tend to concern themselves primarily with their own welfare & that of their family - secondarily with the welfare of the people closest to them outside their family.

If your main reason for moving is to find people who care about you more than they care about themselves, I'm afraid you are going to be disappointed. Your best bet is to find a job doing what you like to do & surround yourself with people who have similar interests to yourself.


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French_Lola
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07 Apr 2010, 1:49 am

I moved out when I was 20 because i had to get away from my alcoholic "father".
My husband and I are now planning on having our house built and I will move out again.
Basically my husband is handling the whole process (paperwork, etc.), and I will just have to move over there.
It will be a village with 110 people, which is so much better than the current 28 000 ! !!



rmgh
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05 Jun 2010, 6:17 pm

Thanks again to everyone who has posted here. It's all helped me to decide to go for it and I'm planning with 95% faith that I will be moving abroad.

:D