How can you interest a 15 year-old in school?

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is your nephew talented in subjects like art or music? my sister, for example, was bright but not willing to study, she did 3 A-levels (pre-university exams), she failed two (economics and maths) but she got an A in Art. She then did an Art foundation course at Central St Martins and then got a BA in Fashion Design from the same art school. She now has a good career working for Prada. Perhaps it's better not to push him take subjects that he doesn't like. I don't know where he is and what the education is like there, but here in the uk, students at 16 tend to just choose 3 subjects to take before applying for universities.

What is your son's special interest? Is there a way he could incorporate it into his schoolwork, or draw a connection between his work and his interests?

I have some thoughts on what might be going on in your son's head. This is based on my memories of being your son's age about 5 years ago, so it could be off base, but I hope it helps.

A lot of smart kids resent doing work that they feel insults their intelligence or wastes their time. Also, for some kids, it is actually harder to do a straightforward, easy assignment than a complex, creative one. It's not just harder to focus, it's also kind of like asking them to unlearn what's already been learned. I dealt with this--and still do--by finding ways to fulfill the letter of the assignment while making it complex and interesting enough that I can finish. A few teachers haven't liked it, but most see me as going the extra mile and graded me accordingly. They don't get that it's the most natural way to do the assignment, but hey, I'm not complaining! if your son can get past resenting the easy assignments, this strategy might help him, too.

A lot of kids also view high school as a holding pen, and teachers & administrators as indifferent at best and hostile at worst. Many don't want to work too hard to avoid the "honors student life," which they see as a rat race that restricts individuality and squelches creativity. (By "honors student life," I mean the pressure put on high school students to take all AP classes, be in and lead as many clubs as possible, and never leave the school building except to sleep). High school social life is about being in the right groups, using the right subcultural signifiers (clothes, music, etc.), and making everything look easy. Any reasonably thoughtful high schooler can see through it. For an example of how your son might view school, see the online essay "Why Nerds are Unpopular" or the book "Queen Bees and Wannabes".

I saw high school this way, and so did a lot of my friends (who ranged from slacker dropout types to talented, high achieving people). Luckily, most of us realized we had to get good grades anyway, and most of us did. A few of us didn't, and ended up living at home, not staying in college, and not getting a lasting job--even though they were talented enough to succeed. I wish these friends could talk to your son. Sometimes, life after high school just isn't concrete enough to help people get past current high school reality. 3, 4 years still feels like forever at 15.

I wish I could tell your son that yes, high school is hell, but it really does get better afterwards. People aren't as awful after high school. Hopefully, seeing the bigger picture would motivate him. The good news is, if he can learn to motivate himself now, he'll probably be able to motivate himself through almost anything. Good luck!

Not that it is a predictor, but I was at least moderately interested in school up through about 5th grade, then basically not - until I got to 15 or 16 where a switch closed and I was into it again. Some relatives the switch to interest came later.

Best hope [though often futile in today's schools] a dedicated and compatible teacher who can light up even one subject.

To be honest, he seems to be either moderately good or talented at everything, but (like you say) it is beneath him to bother. I was talking to him about life in general as an adult and about how a very lucky few, they end up doing work that is a pleasure and a game. I think that concentrating on how school can help him develop his own skills is something that appeals to him.

The social aspects are probably the hardest for him (as they are for me) and I imagine that a lot of his academic detachment is because of social anxiety. I was lucky to have teachers who had the time and inclination to show interest in my interests, and to direct my interests into academic study (especially project work and essays). He is in a really overloaded system where the teachers do not have the time, and his parents respond by sending him to evening classes - I guess that compounds the problem, but it is normal here for kids to get double-schooled.

Marsian, I agree with your comments that maintaining his circle of friends is vital. His parents agree with that - actually he has always been terribly socially disconnected and they are pleased he has any friends. His parents say that he is shy - he is fifteen and is never present if anyone visits the house, but he does not stop talking if he is alone with me. I do not know if it because he knows that I have AS, or because I behave like him, or because being foreign makes it easier.

I've lost interest in school, at the age of 15, because my dad told me that I didn't have a bright future, because I have both autism, and a learning disability. That's what brought on the hippie phase that I've gone through, between the ages 16 and 19.

My parents basicaly said that to me about being a vet and basicaly still say it today. I went through a "punk" phase around that age.

My parents basicaly said the same thing when I wanted to be a vet and I lost ALL modivation for school. I became sucidal because they did not support me and it was a wake up call for them. They don't support or believe in me as much as I would like them too but at they don't say, "Not everyone was meant to be an astronaunt" anymore.

Wasting your time.

i hate when people have an agenda when they are around me.

I could have done better in school and wish I was more exited about school. For some reason by the time I was grown up enough to sustain a vision of where I needed to go it was too late.

Wanting to do well has to come from within. When I was younger I don't think i could think past the weekend. Just make it n days to Saturday. Once out of school and away from peers I could pass anytest as long as it didn't involve a long essay. School and ADD don't mix. Best just to help find an interest and work that.

Just cause an Apsie is bright doens't mean they want to learn crap taught at school. I have read volumes on SQL programming but please don't ask me to do a book rpeort on the political career of Ted Kennedy.

I would certainly relate to your nephew this story about your daughter. It is good to have a real life example to learn from. Maybe your daughter could talk to him-is that possible?

These comments are very helpful, and I hope that my agenda (which his parents have set me) is in the kid's best interests - I truly believe that academic achievement makes adult life easier, and creates opportunity. I also believe that it is very hard to recover time lost in school, really very hard for adults.

But also I believe that if my nephew does well in school and gets his parents and relatives off his back, his life will be very much better right now. And I believe the effort in doing it will be very much smaller than the rewards.

Personally, I was a subversive little bastard in school, and recognized very early on that academic or sports achievers were rewarded completely disproportionately. I went for good grades, I got good grades and there was absolutely no loss because I could do everything I wanted to do anyway. And I have benefited from that early achievement ever since (actually I am a perpetual academic - we are supposed to be weird, so I mostly fit in).

StuartN, it sounds like he trusts you and cares a lot about what you think. Of all the people who could help him care more about school, you're probably the best one. Good luck!

I wonder if there are any different classes he could switch into that would be less overburdened also? It might make a huge difference for him.

It seems like a lot of us hated school, whether we were told we were smart or we we were told we couldn't succeed. That's really sad. And probably a topic for a different forum...

If he's on the spectrum, then boy do I have some news for you and him:

don't be shocked with him hanging out with social outcasts; that's the majority of our social life...did I mention those social outcasts usually hate themselves for being so?

Yeah....school never really interested me, mainly because my teachers didn't know how to teach, and just expected the students to put up with it.

I hate to quote that incredibly racist TV show In Living Color, but 'I don't think so; Homey don't play that game"

If you want my attention, you earn it by showing you know how to teach; the few that have I now have on Facebook, and I tell them they were my favorites.

and just because I didn't do gangbusters in school doesn't mean I don't study; the world is my classroom; you'd be surprised how much information I take in all the time, and all the results that come from it.

Just remember that he may have other ways of learning; but he has to be encouraged in what he loves.

Everyone tried to encourage me away from my special interest; yeah I held a vendetta against most of them for quite a while after that...

Yea, what TheDoctor82 says. That's what I meant.

Show support.

I'm 15, and my parents never supported me in school. I worked my non-existent tail off and didn't get rewarded, got good grades and got scolded because they weren't good enough, so I lost a lot of motivation. I now motivate myself by convincing myself that if I do well at school, I have a better shot at getting a job that matches what I'm interested in.

Basically the most important thing is to show support. Bribe if you have to (I'm currently being bribed by the possibility of a macbook if I do really well, but knowing my parents they will go back on their promise...), if he makes the grades don't go back on your promise, if he doesn't do well try to get in a mix of encouragement and scolding. I wish my parents would do that because they don't encourage me to do well and only threaten to take away things like internet access, which they did last year and it sent me straight into a meltdown and I got scolded for having a meltdown (I had a meltdown because removing internet access essentially cut me off from my special interests). And never make him feel like a failure.

Finally, if he's actually doing some work, don't distract him. My parents keep distracting me whenever they see me doing work, and I can't get back into the "zone" that I need in order to work well, so I usually stop working and get scolded for being lazy.