Should there be an Aspergers (Autism) Anonymous?

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changing89
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18 Apr 2010, 2:13 am

Willard wrote:

changing89 wrote:

Who says I can't. Who says you cant.

There has to be a way.

Sorry to burst your balloon, but there is not a way to repair damage done to the developmental ability of your brain before you were born, that is very likely genetic in origin.

The fact that you think you can WILL your Autism away, only demonstrates that you do not fully understand your own condition.

You need to learn more about what AS is, so that you can learn to accept yourself. You are different, but you are not defective.

Your brain - not your personality - is missing some components that are generally typical to most human brains. This causes you to experience and perceive the world around you slightly differently than most other individuals. This is especially true in situations involving human social interaction. These variant perceptions will also cause you to think and behave somewhat differently than most of the people around you, in ways that will frequently put you at odds with your peers.

Also another thing. With aspergers, i refuse to fight it thats another misconception i think people had. The more if ought alcoholism the worse it got. The more i fight aspergers, the worse it gets. It's not fighting, its merely giving up and accepting it for what it is. A program of accepting aspergers for what it is. Its hard
You can (and you will over time, even if you aren't aware of it happening) learn certain skills, known as coping mechanisms, that will help you work around these handicaps. However, the handicaps and the resultant missteps and emotional fallout WILL NOT DISAPPEAR.

Just as someone born with one leg two inches shorter than the other, you are not incapable of doing most things that others do, though you may sometimes be restricted as to how you go about accomplishing these things, and there may be areas in which you will never be a competitive champion, but you can accomplish what you need to. However your own personal 'limp' will be with you for the duration of this life.

Believe what you like for now, but I can promise you this, and you can tattoo it on the back of your hand so you'll remember I told you so when the realization finally sinks in: No matter how much you may convince yourself that you have become just like everybody else and that your AS is gone - the people around you who do not have Autism, will always be able to tell that you are not like them. And they will always treat you accordingly.

I say you can't. And here's why: For 49 years, everybody around me - my parents, my teachers, my coworkers, my employers, my spouses, everyone - told me - insisted - demanded - that I be like everybody else, do what everyone else did the way that they did it, because none of those people knew what Autism was anymore than I did and none of us had ever heard of AS, so they did not allow me to be different. But you know what? I was different anyway. Not, as they thought, because I enjoyed being difficult and annoying them. But because I AM different and I CANNOT BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I AM, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much someone wants, needs or expects me to, even if they hold a gun to my head and threaten to kill me if I don't change. I don't have the power to become like them, I've spent half a century desperately trying. Well, I'm not trying anymore. And I feel much better about myself.

Good luck with the transformation.

I like your post alot. I think the one thing people are misperceiving about this post is that I'm not trying to transform anything. Like a previous poster said about a creative innovation with accepting ourselves for who we are taking account that we cannot change. In fact it is exactly like alcoholism and drug addiction and compulsive eating disorder. It cannot be treated. However, it will not be like other anonymous programs, it will be tailored to fit the autistic spectrum and its unique social properties. Yeah I like this..

As I was reading a previous post I was laughing to myself about how someone said that people in 12 step programs are selfish and they use their slogans to justify walking all over people, that might be true for the people you know, I pray for them that they actually work it the right way. The point is to help others. In the aspergers case help others accept themselves for who they are. Steps 1-3 can apply to aspergers, steps 6,7 do as well, steps 10-12 do. But 4,5,8,9 ehhh. I mean with daily living maybe.

changing89
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18 Apr 2010, 2:17 am

Also its not fighting, i refuse to fight aspergers, the more i fight it, the worse it seems to get. The more i fought alcoholism, the more i drank. So its not fighting, no thats a misconception, its merely surrendering and accepting it for what it is. But I cant just say i accept aspergers for what it is because human beings aren't able to snap a light switch within seconds and say okay i am the way i am because i am the way i am and i accept i am the way i am and i will live a wonderful life, thats just not realistic.

It takes time, thats the point of the program for aspergers. Self acceptance for aspergians lol

alana
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18 Apr 2010, 3:31 am

Willard wrote:

Sorry to burst your balloon, but there is not a way to repair damage done to the developmental ability of your brain before you were born, that is very likely genetic in origin.

The fact that you think you can WILL your Autism away, only demonstrates that you do not fully understand your own condition.

You need to learn more about what AS is, so that you can learn to accept yourself. You are different, but you are not defective.

Your brain - not your personality - is missing some components that are generally typical to most human brains. This causes you to experience and perceive the world around you slightly differently than most other individuals. This is especially true in situations involving human social interaction. These variant perceptions will also cause you to think and behave somewhat differently than most of the people around you, in ways that will frequently put you at odds with your peers.

You can (and you will over time, even if you aren't aware of it happening) learn certain skills, known as coping mechanisms, that will help you work around these handicaps. However, the handicaps and the resultant missteps and emotional fallout WILL NOT DISAPPEAR.

Just as someone born with one leg two inches shorter than the other, you are not incapable of doing most things that others do, though you may sometimes be restricted as to how you go about accomplishing these things, and there may be areas in which you will never be a competitive champion, but you can accomplish what you need to. However your own personal 'limp' will be with you for the duration of this life.

Believe what you like for now, but I can promise you this, and you can tattoo it on the back of your hand so you'll remember I told you so when the realization finally sinks in: No matter how much you may convince yourself that you have become just like everybody else and that your AS is gone - the people around you who do not have Autism, will always be able to tell that you are not like them. And they will always treat you accordingly.

I say you can't. And here's why: For 49 years, everybody around me - my parents, my teachers, my coworkers, my employers, my spouses, everyone - told me - insisted - demanded - that I be like everybody else, do what everyone else did the way that they did it, because none of those people knew what Autism was anymore than I did and none of us had ever heard of AS, so they did not allow me to be different. But you know what? I was different anyway. Not, as they thought, because I enjoyed being difficult and annoying them. But because I AM different and I CANNOT BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I AM, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much someone wants, needs or expects me to, even if they hold a gun to my head and threaten to kill me if I don't change. I don't have the power to become like them, I've spent half a century desperately trying. Well, I'm not trying anymore. And I feel much better about myself.

Good luck with the transformation.

I missed the post this was in answer to but I love this one, every word.

to the OP:
As far as anonymous, I'm not sure. A huge, perhaps the most important, part of anonymous programs is making a list of wrongdoing caused by the addiction or compulsive behavior and making amends. These behaviors/addictions are voluntary actions. I have been to a whole bunch of the 'a' programs over the years, I don't know if autism correlates.

I have been to SIA, survivors of incest, which was run on a twelve step model. that is induced trauma so it's the most like autism, because it is not based around a voluntary action. People say their trauma may have affected them in ways that caused them to harm others. The 8th and 9th step are absolutely the crux of twelve step programs, I'm not sure that running a support group that has at it's core the purpose of amends and apology will meet the needs of AS people. Though a support group run by Roberts rules of order like all twelve step groups are is definitely a comforting environment for AS people. Just not sure about the application of the twelve steps (which is what defines 'anonymous' groups). maybe, maybe not.

auntblabby
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18 Apr 2010, 3:55 am

an aspergers "signified" rather than "anonymous" would be my cup of tea. i would love to meet other aspies, and if it takes a club or group to accomplish this, then that is no skin off my nose. this would be on the presumption that this group would be all about the promulgation of methods concerning how life could be made better, sweeter, for us aspies rather than suppressing our aspie nature, as an aspies anonymous might be expected to do.

zen_mistress
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18 Apr 2010, 4:07 am

Willard wrote:

zen_mistress wrote:

i thnk you can fight the AS. Try to be normal.

Of course you can TRY. You can try until your head explodes. You can even convince yourself that you've succeeded and for a while you'll feel better - until you realize one day that everybody around you is snickering behind your back and asking each other how you can possibly think that weird behavior of yours is 'normal', and you suddenly have this epiphany - that you can't accurately judge whether your behavior is 'normal' because you were born with a genetic disability to read and interpret NORMAL.

If you are unable to SEE half of what constitutes NORMAL social behavior, how the hell are you going to learn to mimic it? I swear, it's like a blind man calmly asserting that one day he'll be a marksman. Not unless the target makes noise, he won't. And this world is not going to start doing things differently just to make life easier for you. That's why they call it a handicap.

Brain. Missing. Components.

ret*d. Development. Of. Executive. Function.

If you think you can 'fight' AS, you don't have a clear comprehension of what AS is.

I do thnk you can fight the AS. I thnk it is what a lot of people do end up doing. I think it mostly results in burnout though. But it is possible to fight anything if you want to fght.

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zen_mistress
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18 Apr 2010, 4:13 am

I myself am not sure of the 12 step model for AS. AS is not like an addiction. A program whch teaches sklls and offers talk and counselling can be quite helpful, but a person with AS is not trying to quit somethng, they are trying to learn, and heal. quite different from the needs of a person wth alcoholism.

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lyricalillusions
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19 Apr 2010, 12:15 am

Because Asperger's Syndrome, & ASD's in general are not addictions, like alcohol, there would be no reason to have an Asperger's Anonymous. If someone is on the autism spectrum, they will always be on the autism spectrum. Unlike an alcoholic who can stop drinking, people with Asperger's & the like, can not stop having their ASD-- it will always be a part of them. You can always single out the parts of you that Asperger's has most negatively affected & work on improving those areas. Once you do that, if you are able to do that, then your life will improve. But you can not stop having Asperger's. There is no cure. Just work on the parts of yourself that you have troubles with & that should change your life for the better, If that does not help, then you will have to learn to accept yourself the way you are.

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criss
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19 Apr 2010, 1:47 am

I am a member of OCA which is a 12-
step group for people with OCD.
Many of our manbers have AS. Most
of us with AS there talk
as much about their AS as they do
their OCD. It helps us.

OCD is a neurological condition
as is AS.

I feel the issue of compactipility
with AS and 12 step can only be
experienced and not anaylized.

In practice it is up and running
for many of us in OCA in London
and any member of WP who wishes to
find out more is welcome to PM me.

Wishing you all well

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Woodfish
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22 Apr 2010, 6:18 am

My biggest experience of AA is the tiny book called One Day at a Time in Al-Anon. Showing me how to get away from being stuck in anxiety and feeling hopeless, trapped and powerless.

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TheHaywire
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22 Apr 2010, 6:25 am

Not a group like AA where we'd need to find a higher power etc. but definitely a support group. Not to cure us but to meet people like ourselves. Possibly support for learning how to deal with NT's too.

wendigopsychosis
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22 Apr 2010, 8:23 am

I don't think an Autism Anonymous would ever be geared towards a cure, and it shouldn't be treated like an addicts program of course, but I do think it's a good idea.
In fact, they already have these. There are many autism support groups all over the country. My therapist recommended a few to me, but I really have no interest in discussing my problems with strangers, autistic or not. I can handle it online (and love it), but not in person lol.

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Julian94
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22 Apr 2010, 11:14 am

A support group could be good, but whats with the anonymous part, is this some kind of giant secret?

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changing89
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13 May 2010, 2:08 am

TheHaywire wrote:

Yes I like the idea of dealing with Neurotypicals too. There seems to be very little support for a group like this that we've discussed where i live currently and it really sucks.

Thanks for your post

carltcwc
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13 May 2010, 4:03 am

There already are aspergers/autism support groups. Ive been to a couple. It can be a good way to meet people and make new friends.

Cryforthemoon
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13 May 2010, 6:01 pm

Willard wrote:

zen_mistress wrote:

i thnk you can fight the AS. Try to be normal.

About one of the best posts I have ever read. As to the OP I don't get what I'm trying to beat here. I mean really part of me is going to have Dyslexia, some ADD and even Aspergers. I can just say ok and keep on living or try to fight it. With the Dyslexia that I can do something about. With the ADD and Aspergers um I don't really know what I'm supposed to do there. I mean there is drugs for the ADD but they did nothing for me so. And aspergers I have what I have and it will be with me until the day I die.

katzefrau
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13 May 2010, 6:32 pm

support groups, sure (and they exist). twelve-step program, no.

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