Don't fit in

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I don't really fit in here either, after a while of not being in the posting "cliques" and my own overlooked, I just stopped caring about it.

Well, my post count isn't very high on this particular forum yet...but I will tell you that this board has quite a lot of activity. Every time I log in here there's a TON of new topics that were not there even just a few hours ago. Wrong Planet is a talkative bunch! I've been logging in here frequently in the past week and a half or so, and my post count has risen significantly without me really noticing until I checked my profile.

But...why does it matter how many posts you have? That doesn't define whether or not someone "fits in" on a forum or not. There are forums that I'm a member of(or was a member of), where I've had post counts in the multiple thousands...but didn't feel like I "fit in" those places at all.

OuterBoroughGirl wrote:

The memory problems you claim to have are likely related to short-term (or "working" memory) and visual memory deficits.

I myself have problems with visual memory, but they don't seem to manifest themselves in problems with finding my way to places i've been to before.

I don't have much of problem with SHORT-TERM/working memory.

These two types of memory deficits seem quite common among aspies/NLD-ers.


The ones that I seem to have with LONG-TERM semantic, procedural and episodic memory are not common among aspies/NLD-ers. In fact, I see reason to believe that most aspies/NLD-ers have rather remarkable semantic and episodic memory at least. Your good memory for details about books and TV shows you've seen/read means that you have a good semantic memory, for things you're interested in at the very least. So my own memory problems are much more disabling in terms of what's important to me.

That is....my own memory problems greatly diminish, if not totally destroy, my academic/vocational potential as well as my ability to learn skills, develop talents, etc....

Frankly....the whole "not fitting in" doesn't bother me nearly as much as the learning/memory problems I certainly seem to have. I would be quite content with social isolation and a sense of total alienation if those were my only problems. I cannot be content with an inability to do "anything I put my mind to".

I post here just to amuse myself.

I would be surprised if autistic people could even socialize successfully with other autistic people.

Because it seems to be that the nucleus of this disorder is self-absorption and a tendency to appear repulsive to other people, autistic or otherwise.

This is the root of the thing: social bonds are never set in motion by rules or learning; they are all intuitive. So even if somebody does want to help you, they don't know how to, because nobody - not even another autistic - will truly understand how isolated you feel.

Yes, indeed; it is a hopeless situation.

I like that.

Oh, and I don't mind that I don't fit here. There's one hole that this amorphous peg fits in, and that's good enough for me.

I don't really post as much as I used to but you could try posting a topic per day and replying to them, maybe that might help y'all fit in more hopefully... That probably might help?

I have to admit I feel this way as well in virtual as well as real life situations.

I often feel on the perimeter of social interaction. I get along with people, am liked by people, but in many situations I don't feel as though I belong. I also feel that I am on a different page when it comes to interests and agendas than most other people, or in the very least people don't include me in conversations about their agendas.

I notice that most people here ignore my posts. I was looking at the number of views my posts receive the other day and it seems like they receive less than anyone else's.

That doesn't surprise me in the least though. I am well-aware of who I am. I knew there was something wrong with me long before anyone else (even within my immediate family) did. I always say the same things over and over. I have nothing interesting, intelligent, or original to talk about.... i'm just an idiot. The people who even bother to respond to me here probably do so out of pity.

I feel more desolate than the devil himself, but oddly enough, it's not the aspect/s of my life that bothers me the most.

It's rough at the start but you'll eventually get used to it.
I went through that period not long ago, and now I think I fit in pretty well. I just don't stop posting, even if what I said is completely irrelevant. I do try to keep it relevant though.


You're not an idiot. If anything I feel too ignorant to understand what you write about.

People need to start thinking some positive things about themselves. I think the people that post the most here don't even think about what people think about them. Either that or we're just bored and competing with each other to have the biggest number of posts.

I've almost quit coming here, two months ago, because I felt that I didn't fit in. It's a small world.

pensieve wrote:

I can assure you that no one wants to believe that more than I do. But a lifetime of self-observation has suggested otherwise to me. The one and only thing I have which contradicts this belief is my IQ scores. Not that they're sky-high (though I scored 143 on my most recent test) or anything, but they're certainly not the IQ scores of people who many refer to (derogatorily mind you) as "idiots". Regardless of all this, i'm a person with seemingly little capacity for self-deceit and self-denial. I just don't have those luxuries....I tend to believe that which is supported by empirical data, logic and what my five sense tell me. This is the case no matter how brutal a particular aspect of reality, even when it's an aspect of my own reality. Thus...it doesn't matter what I WANT to believe, only the truth matters and sometimes the truth is unspeakably painful.





As you may have gathered from my comments above, i'm really not one for this positive/negative dichotomy. Whether I like it or not, my reality comes straight-up, neither shaken nor stirred. Now I could be WRONG about myself. Mabye my self-perceptions are grossly distorted somehow. Perhaps i've "gaslighted" myself (for whatever god-forsaken reason) into believing I have these awful memory problems and there is no genuine neurological basis for them. Or perhaps i've merely blown problems that DO have a neurological basis out of proportion. If either case is true.... I don't feel my PERCEPTIONS of it are influenced by negative thinking per se. That is.... not when it comes negative thinking I have control over at least.

I think we can call be possible of thinking of ourselves negatively. I mean I sometimes feel I don't have AS because of my average IQ and academic abilities. People can say to me 'IQ means nothing' though they themselves probably have a IQ of 130 and they don't know what it is like to be me. There's some mental deficit not explained by AS. Probably some complications from having RH disease. But it is hard to go on AS and ADHD forum, when even the more severely affected people have more intellect than me.
Even my own at home situation seems grim. I could be negative but I choose to be positive because I'd probably just fall apart.
To each their own I guess. Just be proud with what you've got. It could be a whole lot worse.

I have never 'fit in' anywhere, anytime, and it doesn't seem like I ever will.

Ah well.

This describes me perfectly.

Seems that's part of it for a lot of Aspies. Just don't take an interest the problems of lesser mortals. I enjoy rattling on here though. It's a release. I feel free to blather on whereas in person I'd be a mute and evasive creature. But it does seem like a great many just can't be bothered.

But when it comes to fitting in anywhere this is as close as it gets for me. Even most geeks don't like me or at least know how to handle me. Most geeks I've seen are gregariously sociable as long as they're with other geeks. The look at me like I might kill them if not handled with kid gloves. Which is far from anything I am in actuality. Wrong planet indeed.

can any of us 'fit'...you know, downplay the parts of ourselves we sense don't appeal to others and emphasize the parts we sense do appeal to them? how can we do this is we can't SENSE this stuff in the first place? part of AS I think is not being willing to amputate parts of self to please an exterior consciousness.

so if we don't socialize the way NT do then why do people have to rate themselves as pass/fail based on NT socialization standards (fit/don't fit).

I just express myself here because it seems therapeutic. Sometimes people respond and that is gratifying. If it's negative I know better than to get hung up on it ( I know from experience, I mean, that it's not worth it.) I'm probably not going to fit anywhere, ever, because i'm not willing to do the obligatory shaving off parts of myself to make me more appealing to the circumstance. At least people here can relate to that.

Well said. I was a little struck by how I feel a little bit morose when so few, if anyone, responds to what I feel is a 'real big deal'. Which it isn't, of course. I really just want to know you. All of you if it were practically possible. It's less misery loves company than trying to reach out to family I've never known. I want to understand my disabilites and celebrate our strengths through you and hopefully you through me to whatever degree.

I blabber and blather and perhaps that makes some of you sick. I assure you of one thing at least. In person I'm nothing of the sort except with the most trusted company. I feel free here. And it doesn't get much better than that.